The "talk"

[Lola726]

I have been seeing this guy for 3 months now and since about mid-December I decided to stop seeing other people because I really like this guy... well also because my guy friend who introduced us kept on telling me that new guy is serious and he hinted I shouldn't be seeing other guys (yet... now this guy has been asking me out without new guy.... hmmmmm). So anyway a friend of mine thinks that I should ask new guy if we really are exclusive or not. We see each other 2 or 3 times a week (basically the days that both our schedules coincide), he's met my family, and we talk on the phone every day so it seems kind of redundant to ask if we're "exclusive". I am not that experienced with relatiosnhips really... so I am just wondering on what people's opinions on the "talk" are. Is it really necessary? Does it help strengthen the relationship? Should I just keep with the flow as it is now?

[DN]

I like what someone on here said, something like "I really like being with you and don't really want to see anyone else. How about you?"

 

She will correct me if I got it wrong but I think that was the gist of it.

[RayKay]

I like what someone on here said, something like "I really like being with you and don't really want to see anyone else. How about you?"

 

She will correct me if I got it wrong but I think that was the gist of it.

 

Yup, I think that works pretty well!

 

It's hard to say if you are or not without it...there are many cases of surprised partners that find out their SO was NOT exclusive or did not think they were even if they showed it.

 

I mean, it does sound like you are indeed on that path, but the above question is a good one I think to gage his own feelings. I did something basically the same, where I told him "I really like being with you and don't have an interest in dating others, what are your thoughts on that?". And well, he felt same...ta da! Of course I had kinda figured he would...but it was good to clear up!

 

Good luck

[annie24]

I like what someone on here said, something like "I really like being with you and don't really want to see anyone else. How about you?"

 

She will correct me if I got it wrong but I think that was the gist of it.

 

LOL - that's pretty much what I said (after I consulted with RayKay ). I was dating the guy for 6 weeks at the time, we were sitting down to watch a DVD, and I just turned to him and said that. He said that he liked me too and that he didn't believe in dating more than one person at a time.

 

So, that was that. Pretty painless. Then we watched the DVD.

[Scout]

I used to advocate letting the guy be the one to bring this conversation up. But, you know what? It's a good idea to get in the habit of openly and honestly communicating with people you're involved with. It's an essential relationship skill. It's been a few months, you two have met each other's families...I don't think there's anything wrong with you bringing the question up. RayKay's suggestion of what to say sounds like a good one.

[RayKay]

I used to advocate letting the guy be the one to bring this conversation up. But, you know what? It's a good idea to get in the habit of openly and honestly communicating with people you're involved with. It's an essential relationship skill. It's been a few months, you two have met each other's families...I don't think there's anything wrong with you bringing the question up. RayKay's suggestion of what to say sounds like a good one.

 

I can remember when you advised ME to let him bring it up too..and were not fond of me doing it when I did it...

 

Whom are you and what did you do with Scout!?!?! :splat:

[annie24]

Ok, to elaborate, yes, I would have rather the guy brought it up also, but then we reached a point where things were progressing, and I just didn't want to go farther unless I knew where we stood. For my own peace of mind, I wanted to know if he was seeing other girls or not.

 

It sounds like you guys are probably exclusive. Things sound like they are going well. There's probably a 2% chance that he's been meeting other girls' families during this time, but I doubt it.

 

I think "the talk" will just be there to let you both know where you stand, not necessarily to strengthen the committment. The committment is either there or already or is not, and having a talk won't change much. I bet he has already made up his mind.

 

I bet it will all go well

[Scout]

Ha ha ha!! Oh, come on...I wasn't that bad! But yeah, a year ago I was still under the belief that men should do all the initiating.

[DN]

I thought it was Annie I was more or less quoting but didn't like to directly!! But I didn't know the idea had such a history!!

 

Seems to work in practice so it's probably worth trying.

[ocrob]

I think that you should definitely bring it up. You can even ask if he is dating other people or if he wants to be exclusive. I went out with my ex the first time for 8 months. We never discussed it and I thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She met a guy and said she was going to date him. I was shocked to find out we were not in a committed relationship. You can't assume anything. Honesty and communication are the best thing.