am i being unreasonable - ex

[whats it all about]

Hullo everyone,

I am posting here for the first time. It will be a year this May that my boyfriend and I will have been going out. Here is the problem - his ex simply can't let go and I don't know if she even realizes the attachement she still has to him. Some of the things she has put us through - 1)manufacturing having to see him to renew lease on car because her lease was almost up last July when in reality her lease was up in Dec (and she stated she didn't want to take her "current"

boyfriend but didn't state why). 2)thinking that she had left her checks at his place(when she moved out she left some stuff) so he said we had plans and that he could meet her at this place so she could look. she ended up finding them and texting and voicemailing him she did. so my boyfriend comes over and about 1 1/2 hours later we receive text a**hole and he is confused. i told him text her back, she replies that it's because he never called her back.

long and short of it she couldn't get ahold of the guy she was dating for 4 hours and freaked out - thought he was avoiding her so she texts my boyfriend in drunk frustration. He told her I was priority and a fight insued.

There are quite a few other dramas but too many too list.

Anyway long and short she has been manipulative and not exactly honest and forthcoming in her relationships with my girlfriends that have tried to befriend her when they broke up. She did not have any close female friends at 41 prior to this (warning Will Robinson).

So she recently broke up with someone (who she has tortured and who won't talk to her now - we won't get into that) and is contacting my boyfriend

stating that she was going through old pics and wanted him to know that she "loves him...as a friend" and misses him and that they don't talk anymore,etc. My question is do we think her intentions honorable? Or does she not even realize that the friendship that she is looking for is no longer to be found because even if they are "friends" again they would be platonic and not have the intimacy I think she is seeking (she is kinda needy if you got that from above). Am I being difficult not trusting her? I really don't like or need Drama Queens in my life now or ever

[DN]

i don't think you are being unreasonable. What does your boyfriend say about her? Is she an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend?

[whats it all about]

Exgirlfriend.

He says she's "changed" since they broke up, that she wasn't like that in relationship. I see signs of unstable behavior though, his memory is so bad he only remembers bit and pieces. I went to dinner with him and his best friend and his best friend said they used to fight all the time - that she would always think he was flirting with other girls (she did this to the guy she just broke up with). Never admitted to him that she "overreacted" - well 2 months ago she got into this same fight with her recent ex whilst getting a flat (that he couldn't repair) so she has him drive her home and cause they are in fight has to call my boyfriend at 6 am next mornin to drive her to her car and proceeds to tell him the story (all the while he is thinking - this is what happened to him) and she admitted she was at fault(but never had with him and gaurantee you not with her recent ex). Well when they had their final breakup(drumroll please) - and it was over him "flirting" (but in reality talking) with another girl at a party. In the moment my boyfriend gets upset but then quickly forgives and forgets (which is why they lasted so long). She has been dishonest from the getgo - for instance when they broke up they agreed they didn't "feel the same way" about each other (more friends than romantic). Well she told my girlfriends that they broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn't. Well I spilled the beans not knowing he didn't know and he checked and sure enough it was cause of "marriage" reason. All along with this last boyfriend she stated to the girls that everything was fine and then emailed my boyfriend how unhappy she was with him because they weren't connecting emotionally. Stories never jived - why seek emotional support from your "platonic" opposite sex friend and not your same sex friends? All in all he forgives and forgets so he emailed he thinks she and I can be friends so that we can all go out together (she never had made any effort and when she invited my girlfriends out never invited me).

[DN]

I think you should tell your boyfriend that she isn't a person you think you would get along with and would prefer not to socialise with. Don't go into too much detail just say she makes you uncomfortable and that you think your personalities are too different

[whats it all about]

DN,

Thanks for the advice. Yes you are right - sometimes I get frustrated and have to vent and I really shouldn't get into all that.