is she interested? should i tell her? how?

[gigglyfreedom]

hey, im a female and ive been crushing on this good friend of mine for months - she exchanges normal than longer glances with me, she gets nervous giggles round me often (as i do with her...im visibly nervous around her)..there are moments where we may be saying the most stupid thing ever to each other but her face looks as if we were talkin about smtg really special: theres this incredible smile, she looks quite fast from eye to eye, and theres a shine in her eyes. she'll sometimes start foot flirting with me if we're sitting side by side, shes often made little friendly jokes to me about my butt and other bodily parts.. whenever im with her i get the feeling that theres something underlying thats just not being spoken about...but how can i tell? are these just signs of friendship or could there be something more underneath? thing is, she talks non stop about guys! like, how can i tell if she returns the interest?...we've never actually had a long proper talk on sexuality issues...for all she knows im straight.. is she just nervous cause she notices im interested...thereforeeee freaking her out?¿...should i tell her how i feel? if so, how? how can i indirectly let her know or suggest we..i dnt knw, just have a little 'fun'?...omg i knw this is lame but it means so much to me and i really wud appreciate advice.

[Cadence308]

I have no idea how old the two of you are, but it sounds like you are both probably teenagers. Sexuality is something that depends on things like experience, religion, etc. It's something that evolves throughout a person's life. It also lies on a continuum are most people are not 100% straight or 100% gay. If your friend talks continually about guys, she may not have even considered being attracted to a girl or having a girlfriend. She may have special feelings towards a girl, but just thought of her as a special friend and that's all. Chances are she has never thought of acting out anything sexual or romantic with her special friend. It sounds like you could be her special friend.

 

Does she know what your sexuality is? Are you bi or are you leaning more towards lesbian? If she knows of your sexual orientation, then there's a good chance that she will take your comments and flirting as more than friendly banter. If she thinks that you are into guys then she is probably clueless about your feelings for her.

 

It's hard for me to give you advice on what to say or do at this point. It all depends on what you want to have happen. Do you want to be her girlfriend and be exclusive? Is it worth possibly losing your friendship with her by letting her know that you like her as more than a friend? Is it killing you and is it all that you can think about and you absolutely have to know if you have a chance with her?

 

I would first find out how she feels about people who are gay and then go from there. I've had these kinds of conversations with friends who were straight and I phrased it as just a curiosity thing.

 

GL!

[Jinx]

This post reminded me especially of a friend whom I've spent a lot of time with as of recent. We're quite close but you get those mixed signals.

 

Personally, it seems like it could go either way that she is your typical extrovert woman whom is not afraid of being expressive or close. Yet it may also be the case that she is interested and not sure how to go about asking or progressing.

 

If you feel comfortable with it, your best bet may be coming out to her. To approach suddenly with a come on or similar expression about your interest may simply scare her, whether she is interested or not. Even straight individuals whom are interested, when one out of the pure blue annouces love, you still have at least a minor shock factor when they both think neither knows.

 

In the case of coming out to her you have two points (A) she knows and its off your shoulders in the case that she is straight and catches on about her behavior -OR- (B) she realizes that you are bisexual or lesbian and that it is fine if she is interested. Either way it usually will give some result in her response.

 

I cannot give any sure fire life experience truly; I'm still caught in a similar scenario with a woman whom is quite expressive as this friend you've spoke of, we're close, she speaks of men but gives signals to me that I'd rather try not to overanalyze. To avoid risking a friendship, the safest route seems to be coming out to the woman and allowing her to let out her feelings from there that she is fine being friends, uncomfortable, or interested in you. In the end it is up to her unless you earn a clear indicator at some point without question that she indeed is interested, not just a flirty type by nature.

[Tigris]

I agree with Jinx, try coming out to her.

 

Good luck