Birthday Etiquette - Opinions needed

[Hopeful99]

Just curious on everyone's ideas on etiquette if you received a birthday card and/or present from an ex or someone you used to date. Would you send anything back in the form of acknowledgement or thanks? Or.....would you just accept it and not communicate back? Or....maybe even send it back. Just curious. Thanks for your opinions.

[ratherbesailing]

Hopeful -

 

It was long ago and I was still pretty upset at the time but I opened it and dropped it right into the trash. I don't think I even bothered to say thanks, it just seemed so weird after all she had put me through back then. They were espresso beans in dark chocolate. I wish I had one right now.

 

The answer depends where you are at right now and how what you do will affect you. Let's not be too concerned about her feelings until all is healed from the breakup. The only thing you shouldn't do is go reading something into the gift and getting your hopes up. I assume you guys split for a reason and that reason isn't changed by a birthday present.

[lillady898]

It depends on my status with the ex.

 

Usually I would say to take the high road and call to say a quick and simple "Thanks." But every situation differs.

 

For instance, if he's using the gift to manipulate or play with my emotions, I would trash it and ignore it. I likely wouldn't even waste the time or money on sending it back.

[annie24]

I think it really depends on if you two are on civil terms or not. If it wasn't too bad of a breakup, I think a quick phone call or e-mail would be good, thanking them.

 

If it was a really horrible breakup, and he cheated on you with your sister, burn the gift, send it back, maybe send him a package filled with dog poop, you get the drift

[Hopeful99]

Ok...........a bit more information. I had dated someone a few times....it kind of fizzled out, and we traded casual emails every now and then........I sent her a funny card with a small gift card in it for her fav lunch place. Nothing heavy in the card - just gave her special b-day wishes for a special person. I get the feeling she may have met someone else but who knows..........

 

I DID NOT do it to try and win her affection - just to be nice. Am I wrong in expecting a thank you.........was she offended by it.........I am taking no response as that she thinks very badly of me for doing this.

[annie24]

I think that she could have thanked you. I guess in the future, give gifts to people you know will be more appreciative.

[Hopeful99]

Maybe I am reaching on this..........I was thinking about shooting her a quick text to see if she received my card and tell her i hope all is well. Maybe it got lost in the mail, etc although I know that is not probable. I guess I find it hard to believe she would completely ignore it. Maybe she really is an ungrateful b*tch

[annie24]

hmmm... from my perspective, chances are that she felt uncomfortable about recieiving the gift after your relationship fizzled.

 

But, sure, if you feel like it, you can send her a quick e-mail asking if she got the gift (that way, you are assuming the post office lost the package, not that she has poor manners )

[Hopeful99]

Just a vent here - any comments appreciated - never dealt with a woman like this before and hopefully will never again.

 

Just an update - she finally responded to my card and small gift. She said she was planning on calling me that night - thanked me and told me she was embarrassed that we hadn't spoken for so long....She said that the phrase "when it rains it pours" pretty much summed everything up in her life now but that she wanted to talk to me.

 

This is not the first time she had said she wanted to talk and said she would call. Of course, the phone call never came.......so I called her the next night and left a message. Never heard anything so I texted her the next day and asked if she was OK - given he "rain" comment and asked when she wanted to get together to talk. I just wanted to touch base and talk as I really liked her. She calls later and leaves a message on my home phone (knew I was at work) and basically said she wanted to talk to me at her own pace - thinges were crazy, etc.......and that she felt like I was trying to pin her down to a time and place to talk and that it made her uncomfortable and she thought we should go our own ways for now.

 

I have not and will not contact her again - I just find it amazing to get a dram laden email about how embarrassed she is that we have not talked, etc, and then I make a little effort to get us together and I get blasted for it.

Was I inthe wrong?? I honestly was not trying to pin her down.....oh well...her loss.........I have a ton to offer someone and hopefully someone will see that some day.

 

Thanks for listening to my update!

[nanobaby]

I think maybe she thought you were desparate for trying to talk to her, and when you kept asking her to hang out? Thats kind of messed though, I'd just give it a couple days or whatever, if she really wanted to talk to you, and you tried too, then she probably would have made more of an effort to get together.