Sadness, liking a girl to much, dont know what to do...help plz..

[Warbeast]

Ok well, here is the deal. I fell in love with a girl named Jessica, and it was the best time of my life, yet the worse at the same time. I love her to death. Everything about that relationship was perfect. She treated me like I wanted to be treated, and she was always there for me. Nothing I disliked about her except that fact that she smoked. And another big thing which ended our relationship. Was the fact that she wanted to do drugs. When we first started together I made her quit, because that is something I can't live with. Well about 3 months into it she decided to ask me if she could do ecstasy. And I said no of course. But a couple more weeks went by and instead of asking she just told me she was going to do it and I should accept her for who she is. I was like no, that isn't who you are. So I made a choice and that was to go my separate way. It has been about 3 years now since then. Now here is the thing. I met a girl not to long ago named Jesika. Yea kind of crazy. Well she reminds me of Jessica without all of the bad things. Everything she does(almost), same smile, eyes, walk, talk...I don't know what to do. I really want this girl. But there is a big thing in the way. Her boyfriend. Yea but they are having problems. We(being me, Brian, Jesika, and Jennie) all talked about it, and she knows he treats her like crap. She even said she is happier around us(me and Brian) because we let her be herself. She still flirts with me to, but she got offensive when I told her she was gorgeous. She said "You know I have a boyfriend right?" I don't kno what to do, I feel I need her. I want to win her heart over and be with her. I need help please help someone. It will be much appreciated.

[musicguy]

You have to respect that she has a boyfriend, regardless of how bad you want to be with her. You can't force her to just dump her boyfriend and then go out with you, let things run it's course, in the meantime keep on hanging out with her, you never kniw what may happen in the future

[stolenshadow]

Hello, I see two big issues here, one you might be interested in this girl because you are still infatuated with the other one, you might even think she's a better and improved version but, is that possible?, are you sure you are seeing the whole picture?.

It worries me she's in an abusive relationship and does nothing about it, which can mean she also has issues, just like the previous Jessica, and they can be serious too, self-esteem, dependency, etc. and it's not about a "new boyfriend" saving her, she would have to work a lot by herself to be stable.

 

I would say be careful, that she flirts and then takes steps back is a bad sign too.

[Warbeast]

Ok ty for the imput. I am just going to go with the flow, and hang around have fun, and pretend like nothing is wrong. If things are meant to be then I guess it will happen.

I would say be careful, that she flirts and then takes steps back is a bad sign too.

 

What does that mean when a girl does that? Should I be cautious?

Anyway I really appreciate all the help, I need help a lot, this is a great forum.

[NJRon]

I see it as a sign of someone trying to 'hook' you just to see if they can, but they really don't want anything to go anywhere. If she is in an abusive relationship, that can greatly affect her self-esteem.

[stolenshadow]

What does that mean when a girl does that? Should I be cautious?

 

There's obviously not a rule, but seeing the situation I think she likes the attention, she tries to get it, then once she has it she is not interested anymore, you stop and it has to start all over again.

 

That's why I say don't give her attention or feed the "I need to be rescued" plot, see how she reacts and you'll have many answers.

I'm not saying play her around, just to distance yourself, after you do it's possible you will see things how they really are.

[Warbeast]

There's obviously not a rule, but seeing the situation I think she likes the attention, she tries to get it, then once she has it she is not interested anymore, you stop and it has to start all over again.

 

That's why I say don't give her attention or feed the "I need to be rescued" plot, see how she reacts and you'll have many answers.

I'm not saying play her around, just to distance yourself, after you do it's possible you will see things how they really are.

 

Well today was interesting. I didn't flirt with her at all and I distanced myself a lot. I was still being myself, just wasn't giving her the flirty eyes and I wasn't tickleing her and stuff, and she was flirting with me like nonstop, and hugging me. That is a big change from the other day. Im going to keep playing this game to see where it goes. Plus if I stay back like this I won't real myself in to get hurt, which I am good at by the way.

[stolenshadow]

You have the answer now, there's no need to play with her insecurities, you won't get anything good out of that, better to broaden your horizons and look for the company of girls with no issues.

[Warbeast]

You have the answer now, there's no need to play with her insecurities, you won't get anything good out of that, better to broaden your horizons and look for the company of girls with no issues.

 

Yea Thank you