how young is too young?

[SuzieB]

Hi. I am 28 and have been single since September. He was 34. I have always dated older guys. However, I have recently met someone really nice who is 21. Is this too young? He and I are at different places for sure...I have my graduate degree and have been teaching for 5+ years. He is a junior in college. I don't feel like I am older than him. I have had two long-term relationships that took up a lot of my precious 20's. Obviously they didnt work out. Not to mention, my worry that nothing will ever work out, but should I give this new guy a chance? I am glad to have found this website!

 

Thanks!

[hosswhispra]

I don't think a the 7 year age difference between you two is all that much. However, being at different stages of life may present a difficulty. But I would conclude that a lot would depend on what the two involved in the relationship ultimately want. I feel that your general sentiment is that you don't want to 'waste' anymore time...which I totally understand. But again I would think it depends on the two people specifically involved in the relationship...

 

good luck,

hosswhispra

[arwen]

Hey SuzieB,

 

Welcome aboard!

 

I think the age difference is relative, first of all, it would be different if the girl is 21 and the guy is 28, right? My parents have the same age difference. But way more cooler are my dear granparents, who are 12 years apart and where my grandfather is YOUNGER. He was 23 and my grandma 35. Can you imagine in their time, what people must have whispered about them!

 

I think you should just date him and see where it goes. The difference is not so much the age, but merely the different places. This does not exclude the possibility, of course. It can be really refreshing, esp. since you are a teacher. As long as you are not his teacher, of course

 

Ilse.

[SuzieB]

Thanks! Me being his teacher? I guess I have been in the education system long enough that I kind of felt like a pervert when we were sitting at dinner and he told me how old he was! Heehee. I have just NEVER dated anyone younger...I always thought that I wanted an older guy. I must say, it is refreshing and fun. Thank you for the confidence boost.

[Relationship Coach]

SubieB,

 

There is nothing wrong with the age gap if you are both happy. My wife and I have an 11 year gap and I have never been more in love. OK so maybe I kick her butt more in Trivial Pursuit and she has no gray hairs but love can over come a great deal. Enjoy!

 

RC

[musicguy]

I'd say give it a shot, what's the worst that could happen. Age shouldn't matter. If it works out, it works out, if it doesn't then it doesn't. Good luck.

[Celadon]

I would only add a note of caution to the encouraging posts above, SuzieB. I did date a guy who was 7 years younger, and in the end (after a couple of years), he dumped me because I was "too old" for him.

 

If you're hoping to settle down sometime, then I would give the new bf some time -- but not too much time -- to figure out whether he wants to be with you in the long run. If he's unsure in a year or so, I'd move on. That's true of any relationship, not just one with a younger guy, btw. Good luck!

[Tex1907]

Hmmmm... personally I would say 7 years is a significant age difference. I would never date anyone more or less than 3 years apart from me, but thats just me. Something about a 16 year old dating a 9 year old sounds creepy to me. Likewise someone in their late 20's dating someone who is 21 sounds like going a little bit too far.

 

One additional fact to consider is that this person is at the age where they are just about finishing college (most likely at least) and they have not figured out exactly what they are doing with their life yet. They probably still live with or receive support from their parents. Someone significantly older probably has a steady job or has had many jobs with a lot of experience. In a similar way, 2 differently aged people seem to be on completely different levels.

 

If you don't mind serving as a guide (or the role of a mother/father) since you have experienced many more years of life then I say go for it. I wouldnt though. Just my 2 cents.

[volution]

Age is but a number... Hearts and Souls are not...

 

Many of us blindly trundle the wastelands of dating, believing that compatibility rests solely in physical factors - age, money, physical beauty...

So many possible relationships go unexplored, for one or the other had a hang-up on a physical factor.

This 24-hour world causes us to take things at face value - to make assumptions often about age, experience etc.

Sometimes, people in their 30s or 40s can be more immature than someone in their 20s.

 

It is NOT the physical age that is the indicator of maturity - only the heart, the soul, and the words, the actions, the feelings that come from that heart and soul.

I've known of many scenarios where the younger man was better for the woman, yet she still chose someone who was older, 'just because'...

[hosswhispra]

Volution-

 

Hang in there! There are also scenarios where an 'older' women will chose a younger man....including me!

 

hosswhispra

[SuzieB]

Hi. Thank you for your reply. He told me that if I was concerned with the age gap that he would understand. He doesnt have a problem with it....I am the one I think that is really analyzing it. I think he is still living at home which is really different from me. I moved to college when I was 17 and havent lived at home since. I have taught school for almost 6 years and have my masters degree. Part of me is happy with being so "adult" and established. However, another part feels like it has gone by too fast. I had serious boyfriends pretty much since college. All of which lasted way too long after I realized that it was the wrong thing...my mistake. Who knows how this new thing will go? I told him that I don't want to worry about the age gap right now and just want to get to know each other and have fun. All I know is that my 34 year old ex will flip out if he finds out....he was engaged to a woman 10 years older than him once and I gave him hell for it and teased him. Now, look what I am doing 4 months after the split!!!