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why does she want things like this????

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It is really bothering me that after three years with someone (my ex) that she can all of a sudden just simply want absolutley nothing to do with me and that after always talking multiple times a day, and seeing each other often, that she can just stop talking to me and seeing me alltogether. When we broke up, we had not even been in a fight or anything. how can she want things liek this, how can she feel right about doing this? why is this so easy for her? I have been having dreams about her recently, and I just wake up[ feeling like SH*T all the time.

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im so sorry to hear this, there is nothing more hurtful than not knowing why, i know that feeling of waking up feeling horrible. There are several phases you will go through, one is acceptance, i had to do this it took a few weeks but every day I wake up feeling a little bit better. Sometimes in this life, you dont get every answer you want. Try your best to stay cool, keep busy and give her some space.

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I agree with bellissemma.


If you are looking for a why, I don't know, and none of us here know either. Maybe she found someone new, maybe she's just plain moved on from you, maybe she's trying to heal over the breakup and talking to you isn't helping. There are so many possible reasons, it's probably not just one reason alone.


I think the best thing to do, like bellissemma said, is just to accept it.

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Dogg, I know how you feel. I feel the same way. How can they just cut all ties so easily but the thing is, which I try to accept, is that we dont know why. As the above posters said, there may be lots of reasons why they dont call and it hurts like hell. We just have to accept it, move on and hopefully there are better things in the horizon.

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Hey Dogg!


Dude...I am sorry you are having troubles. Is there anything going on in your life that is causing you to regress a bit. I am asking because for awhile there you seemed to be moving on (and not just because you dated that young lady for awhile). It was your general tone in your posts.


I know this is hard...having the power and control taken away from you, the rug pulled out from under your feet. But you can't stay on the floor forever. You HAVE to pick yourself up and dust off your knees. Take that power back...you cannot control what others do but you can certainly control you react to sitautions. I mean everyone grieves at their own pace but there comes a time where you must accept things for what they are. I know you want all the answers of WHY but honestly, is that going to speed up the process of healing. Probably not, in fact, it can make you feel worse. Instead of worrying about things you cannot answer, deal with what you can do.


You have all the power here Dogg, use it. Only you are stopping yourself from moving on by getting bogged down with all these questions and sentiment. One day at time. Time is your friend in this sitaution. Take care and don't be a stranger, ya hear?

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Yep, Kell is right. YOU are the one who holds the key to your recovery.


I can tell you ONE reason you're not yet feeling in control...and that is probably because that ONE spark of hope you had of getting her back, is gone. It is amazing how far ONE tiny bit of hope can take us, isn't it?


Dogg, you likely won't see this right now, or for a while..but this IS a great learning experience for you. You MUST turn this into a positive experience, otherwise you are going to walk out of the ruins of this relationship completely jaded, and bitter. Certainly there was a lot of good things you got from this relationship. Remember those things...but remember what caused the bottom to fall out. Work on those things. Work on yourself. If your car broke down....would you expect to keep driving it in the same condition...and expect it to NOT break down or stall out? Of course not!! You would get it worked on....fine tuned...and then HOPE it will be back on track, although in the back of your mind, you'll always know there's the chance it could break down again. So you stay on top of the maintenence. While it's not "brand new"...you value it ..and know it has some worth.


Ok, enough with the analogy..but I am sure you get my point.

Dogg..you have a LOT of potential...it just needs to be channeled in the right direction. Right now that is with you.


We are here to support you.....so keep coming back.

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This is really hard for you and you have my sympathies. But, probably without meaning to, she is actually doing you a favour. Because now you are not holding on the false hope often held by people in a break-up when their ex does call them and wants to remain friends. That prolongs the pain and delays the process of moving on.


Perhaps it is best to face the reality now than cling to false hope.

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you are all right, and kellbell, no, there is nothing goign on in my life that is making me regress, I'm just missing her a lot lately and out of nowhere I have been having these dreams about her. I know that it sounds stupid, but I still love her so much and think about her all the time. I have still been going out with my friends and stuff, but I still miss her and wonder what she is doing, has she met anyone else, and all that dumb stuff. I just feel that if she can cut me off completely so soon and so hard and so fast, that it makes me feel compleetely worthless....

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You're not worthless...you're just going through a phase. Completely normal.


Do you work out at all Dogg? If not, now is an excellent time to start. Get that body ripped!!! It really makes you feel better in general...

One thing I like to do is challenge myself. Set short goals and achieve them.

This helps me focus on myself and make small accomplishments that in turn helps me in the long run.


I try to keep them relatively short term....like a week..a month or 3 months. Something attainable. It's tough at first, but well worth it...

Of course this is MY strategy for dealing with things...maybe others can offer more advice..

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All the things you are wondering about is not dumb...it's NORMAL! As soon as you realize the things you are experincing right now is normal and to be expected...the sooner you will feel better and be able to move on.


Plus you are not exactly sure how she is feeling at the moment either nor do you know if she if fact has moved on. Don't let your mind get tricked into that "what if" thing, it will drive you nuts. She may be having a tough time too but she is dealing with it on her own like you are too. Just focus on YOU and what you need to get through this. It's doing you no favors thinking about her and what she is doing. I know this is hard but it needs to be done.

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I hope so bro and I hope that you are right and that she does contact me. I told her the last time that we spoke (see my other posts for backround) that I did not want her to contact me anymore. I have not spoken to her or heard anything from her since...Now I have been having dreams that involve her every night almost and I think about her quite often. God, I love her still so much...

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Dogg, I feel so bad for you. My ex and I were only together 6 months but we spent a lot of time together. He told me he wants to still see me but yet he hasn't called in 4 days.


We used to call/text/e-mail or see each other EVERY DAY and now just like that he forgets about me and doesn't seem to give a * * * *.


I am so hurt and heartbroken. He's the first person I ever really trusted, I put all the insecurities aside and went whole heartedly into this and what did I get... a big NOTHING!!


I am learning that people are selfish, and they don't care about anything or anyone but themselves...

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I am having one of those days, I woke up today after dreaming about her again. I just can't get her off of my mind latley. I just am having so much trouble grasping how and why this happened and how after three years she can just completely cut off any and all contact with me when there was no fight or anything to set this whole breakup off in the first place. I feel lke crap, worthless and lonely and alone! Why does she not seem to care at all or have any feelings about this whatsoever? How is this so easy for her? I feel like I am completely dieing inside all over again. I miss her so much that it hurts all the time now. I thik about her constantly and about what she is doing, how she is doign, how she is feeling, even though the last time that we talked she made it pretty clear that she just does not want to be together anymore, and that she just didn't see it happening again ever, I wonder how and why she can say those things to me. Why she is so cold and nasty about it.....I hate myself for letting this happen and losing the one things in my life that I truly loved and cared about.

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Almost in the same EXACT situation. G/f of 3 years broke up with me for no real apparent reason. Couple weeks back, told her to not call me anymore and went total NC. I struggle with those very same thoughts everyday. For what it's worth, I'm with you man. We gotta keep moving on...

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I am just full of so many regrets and what if's that I am constantly questioning everything I have ever done and I'm getting this feeling in my stomach that I have never had before that I really truly messed up and lost forever the best thing that I ever had. I feel that in some way I let this relatioonship die in a way, or that I somehow pushed her away....I don't know what to do and the more time that goes by, the more distressed I get that I may never ever get her back and that I will never find anyone who is as good as she is and was....I'm such a fool for losing her.

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You know, maybe it just wasn't mean to be Dogg. There are lots of people on these boards, like RayKay for example. She went through a bad breakup, long-term relationship, only to find someone waaaayyy better and a way better relationship afterwards.


Maybe there is someone better out there waiting for you

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Man you got to relax, im in a similar boat as you, and just like you its sinking. I am in limited contact with her, but i have been feeling the exact same way you are. Right now i keep looking at my phone because she said she was going to call. I cant sleep properly, wake up at 4 thinking about everything, i know exactly what you are going through. HOWEVER, today i started to see things just a little differently, i mean my ex was perfect for me in everyway, the girl of my dreams, but today she was talking to me for a bit and i was just thinking "man , i love this girl, but she treats me like absolute * * * * sometimes", and that is the truth. My feelings havent changed for her,but a change in perspective is starting to happen. Give it time man, you will start to realize things you never dreamed youd think, believe me! The ironic thing is over the last three months, my ex would scream at me, "dont you realize your just pushing me away!!" , but what she never has considered is that she is pushing me away even more, and i know im the best she;ll ever have. Get that mentallity, get cocky, once you feel like its her lose, she might start to too, and if she doesnt, well you know the truth

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big jim, you are probably right and I know that I am the best that she will ever have, hope fulyy she will see that too, but one of my most major concerns is that I have no contact with her at all, she said the very last time that we spoke that she did not see the point in talking anymore becuase she just simply does not want to be with me (she gave no reasons) what am I suposed to do now? I wonder if I will ever speak to her again. I told her that last time that if this is the way that she wants it to be, then to please not contact me anymore even though she really hadn't anyway so I think my ship has sailed and its driving me nuts because I really do not think that there is anyone out there who could be better than her for me! I love her so much!

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  • 3 months later...

I am right there with you guys as well. One day she is begging to be with me, crying to be with me and I take her back and a week later she vanishes just like that. I know she met someone else. This was a month ago and it just happened to be on my Birthday, actually her birthday too, yes we had the same borthday but I am not letting this get to me. Sure I miss her voice and her touch more than anything in this world but one thing I have learned is that actions speak louder than words, if someone can be like that and then just up and go with someone else well she was not worth it to begin with. I know it is hard, believe me I know and I also know that this will come around and bite her in the you know what as soon as that relationship fails.

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