Does the sexual tension ever go away with long-ago exes?

[purple_monster]

For those of you who are friends with exes from long ago.. Does the sexual tension ever go away? Does "that moment" ever disappear, the one where all of a sudden you wished you weren't sitting so close to him or wished you were making out with him, but can't really tell which would be a worse idea? Do you ever stop being reminded of the plans that you and the ex had built over the years?

 

I hardly ever talk to my ex (from a year and a half ago) anymore and I see him maybe twice a year when we're in the same town.. but there's still this viceral connection that I hope will go away with time because otherwise it's always going to be uncomfortable. I end up always running away and not speaking to him because it's too weird for me.

 

I've moved on and now have a wonderful boyfriend, but I'm still waiting for the past to fade away. It's not that I want to get back together with the ex. It's just that time hasn't completely wiped the slate clean yet (we spent six years together), and I just want someone to tell me that someday it will.

[ShaKe__]

It does go away.You just need time.

[princess81]

Its normal for one to eventually start to remember all the good things that there were in a relationship the only bad thing is to forget all those bad things that cause the break up, becasue it can play games with your mind you start to make all the good things out weight the bad which were the most important at the time of the break up, I would just be carefull think about all the great things in your new relationship every time you have a thought of him try to substitute it with another thought like one of your new boyfriend.

[purple_monster]

Thanks for the feedback princess and shake.

[RayKay]

Yup it goes away, in fact when I talk/see my last ex now, I wonder why it was ever there in the first place....

 

It takes time really. I wonder though if you are with the right person, or ready to be with someone else yet if you are still having that "visceral feeling" though?

[boilthesea]

I know exactly what you mean about the tension - and in my experience there's always at least a little bit of it there.

 

Sometimes I can't decide whether I want to kiss my ex or deck him in the face. D:

[purple_monster]

RayKay, you don't think it's possible to be with the right person and still not be able to shake those connections to a previous ex? I am just about 100% sure about this new guy. But I don't think my first serious love has really evaporated completely yet. How do you forget about the previous view of what "the future" looked like when you were trying to build a life with someone else two years ago? It's so weird, but maybe that's because it's only because I've never done this before.

 

Last weekend I was cleaning out a bunch of out stuff (you know, those boxes that you forget you have) and came accross all these cards from the ex I had stashed away years ago. It was surreal -- all these things that I had forgotten about. They all went into the trash so I wouldn't accidentally come accross them next year too. But I think it threw me for a loop, to be reminded of things I forgot existed.

[locolady]

That you just threw it into the trash shows it all i think....theres no way i'd throw my stuff away yet! I've had 2 long term relationships....the first ex (i was pretty young between 15 and 17 but he was my first sexual partner and we were together for a couple of years) i just feel nothing at all for now. I occasionally bump into him and will have a coffee or spend a bit of time with him but theres absolutely nothing, no spark. The latest one on the other hand...?! Exactly as boilthesea said....i simultaneously yearn to hop into bed with him and smack him in the face! I'm pretty sure you'll reach the stage where the sexual allure will have disappeared and you'll probably wonder what it was in the first place!

[deejay74]

well it's funny you posted this.

 

i'm still friends with my ex-ex gf. we dated from 97 - 00 and then on again, off again from 01 - 02. in 03 when i moved up to nyc, i got in touch with her and at the time, she was "dating" someone, but wasn't happy with him. we were "hooking up" while she was "seeing" this guy and finally she ended it with him. we got back together for me to break up with her because i was no longer attracted to her.

 

well, she's had a b/f for about a year and a half now, and i am good friends with her. i thought i had no interest in her sexually until i talked to her over the weekend. i just got dumped about a month ago and i was speaking to her about it and for some reason the topic got onto her and her current b/f. then out of no where she told me that she and i had the best sex ever. WHAT?!

 

now, i know she's with someone and claims to be happy, but hearing that kind of got that sexual tension and interest going again.

 

now i doubt anything will happen between us especially b/c she's got a b/f, but now that i know this, it makes things kind of interesting.

 

so, i don't know if i answered your question or not. i hope i did.

[purple_monster]

iwantherback, that sounds terribly complicated! good luck with that situation.

 

Locolady, i guess it is significant that I was willing to part with all the mementos. I hadn't thought of that, but not so long ago I think I wouldn't have tossed them. I feel a little like I'm clearing some psychic space for my new life and new relationship (well, not so new anymore).. different from when I throw things away post-breakup because that's more out of spite. Just considering that makes me feel better about the whole thing. Thanks for making a comment that triggered those thoughts

[locolady]

Youre very welcome - glad it sparked some positive thinking! Sounds like things are good with your current guy and you can be excited about all the new memories you can make together!

[ShySoul]

In my opinion, those feelings never entirely go away (baring a really bad situation like abuse). At some point you may get the feeling that you wish you could be with them again. You wonder why things didn't work out and what your life would be like if they had. But those feelings do appear less and less as time passes. So be patient. In time your feelings will move on. Enjoy the relationship you have, and concentrate on the feelings that are there.