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Distancing himself after a year...


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Well, thanks for reading... I've been with my guy for about a year, and I thought we were doing great, but it seems like he's distancing himself from me. We were planning to move in together in a few months, and now he says he "isn't ready to live with someone".

I don't know why, but I feel very hurt by this. I'm going to respect his feelings, and I won't pressure him to do so, but I'm bothered by it. That's not the only thing that's making it seem like he's become disinterested in me... he's not enthusiastic about spending time with me anymore, it's like there's not any passion on his part.

I don't know if he's just lost interest in me, or if there's something bothering him. I've asked him about it, and he said he's happy... but I worry that he thinks he can't tell me when something is wrong because I'll overreact.

I want him to be able to come to me, and tell me what needs to be worked on, etc. The last thing I want is for him to resent me after being stuck in a relationship he wasn't happy with.

Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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I would communicate all this to him almost exactly how you just did in your post. It sounds very reasonable to wonder why he's changed his mind and his behavior, and after a year, he should be able to communicate what's really on his mind. Just stress to him you will listen in a non-judgemental way and really hear what he has to say.

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"I don't know if he's just lost interest in me, or if there's something bothering him. I've asked him about it, and he said he's happy... but I worry that he thinks he can't tell me when something is wrong because I'll overreact."

 

He might be nervous or scared to tell you what's on his mind because you might be offended by what he has to say. How do you react when he explains his feeling's to you?

Do you put yourself in his position and understand where he is coming from?

 

You should speak with him...

 

Good Luck

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Well, today I talked to him for awhile and tried to bring this up, but I got a 'can we not do this' reaction from him. I couldn't believe he said it, because normally (or... in the past, anyway) he'd be at least concerned if something was bothering me that much.

Passionate Pieces: When he tells me something that is on his mind, I keep an open mind, and hear him out. I'm more than happy to hear what he has to say... even if it's something that I don't like because hey, at least we're communicating!

About six months before we got together, his ex-girlfriend ended a 2-year relationship, with nothing more than... I don't like you anymore. I worry that maybe I am/was the person he used to keep him sane and happy while he was getting over that relationship, and now that he's over her he has no use for me... Of course, if that's the case, it's no wonder he hasn't said anything, because that's just a nasty thing to do.

I'm not going to dwell on that thought, because he mentioned nothing of the sort, and I'm sure I'm just jumping to conclusions for that very reason -- he hasn't told me a single thing! -- and so, it's driving me crazy.

Anyway, thanks guys for your replies.

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