he's drinking again

[itcouldbe2001]

I have been separated from my husband for two years. He lives about 12 miles from me. I see him frequently, because we own a business together. We have been away with our kids (who are all grown) and it works out okay -- we sleep separately.

 

 

 

I left him because after a quarter century of his drug/alchohol abuse -- I just couldn't take it anymore. After I was gone for nine months my husband went into treatment. He was supposeably sober for a year as of last August.

 

My husband talks as though we are still together and is just waiting for me to come home. I had put my guard down some and have actually considered the possiblity of us getting back together in the future. But this weekend he drank in front of me both on Friday and Saturday night. On Friday it was one beer, on Saturday he had a couple before I left.

 

This guy is never going to stop is he?

[darkblue]

Probably not.

It is his choice, and you cannot do anything to help him.

 

I suggest that you cut your losses - tell him where you stand and go NC.

It's highly unlikely that he will stop drinking when he has no reason to.

So give him his ultimatum and leave.

 

Tell him, quite bluntly, that it is the drinking that you cannot handle - and won't put up with.

You don't have to put up with it, and it's his problem.

Tell him to get his mind straight, and get off the drink before you will even talk to him again.

[Hope75]

Hi itcouldbe,

 

I'm sorry that you were disappointed by him yet again. I was engaged to and lived with an alcoholic for 5 years and I left him 7 years ago. It's very hard to witness that sort of self abuse. (my guy abused me too when he drank- even worse).

 

Alcoholism (as you well know) is a disease that a person lives with and battles for life. Someone who is recovering knows that they cannot touch liquor, not "just one and I'm OK" or "If I don't get drunk/out of control it doesn't count". Recovery means a complete lifestyle change, including never touching alcohol again. It's not easy, and not many can do it and stick with it.

 

You are likely right, he probably won't ever stop. The good news is that you are away from him and with this new info you can use it to make the choice that is best for you.

 

Sorry.

 

((HUGS))

[darkblue]

 

An interesting related topic. Check out Shes2smart's comments. They are quite powerful.

[Hope75]

I put my story on the thread that Darkblue recommended too.

 

I hope you can get something from that thread, there is alot of heartache and honest, painful truth there.

[darkblue]

I just read Hope's post. I didn't see it, earlier (sorry!)

Very powerful stuff.

 

I'm sure, anyone in that situation can relate.

[Hope75]

No no,

 

I just added it when I saw the link Darkblue. I hadn't seen the thread before, until I saw your link. S2S's story really hit home. ( you didn't miss anything

[darkblue]

Great! I'm not going insane.

Phew.

 

Thanks.

[newts]

Alcohol is a horrible disease and usely the abuser will never stop. One or two drinks is the same as being an alcoholic. Unfortunately I don't think he will ever stop. At least you saw this before making a decision to return to him.

[ShySoul]

For an alcoholic, one or two drinks can be one or two too many. It's sad, but you can't make the person change. You can only be there to support them the best you can and try to get them to see the problem. But if they don't want to face it, then you can't make them. And if it is only hurting you to watch it, then it is best to get out. My mother watched my father get drunk for years, until she finally couldn't take it and got a divorced. He blamed her for the drinking at times, yet didn't stop after she left. The only way for alcoholics to truly stop is if they lose everything, something horrible happens, or they smarten up on their own. But its no reason to put yourself through misery watching them hurt themselves.