Back up plan...or two sided blade?

[Clint30]

It looks like this. She left me a year ago, saying that I am not the one, that she did not find what she was looking for, that I will find someone who will understand me, that she needs "the hand that will lead her through life"..et etc. I did all wrong stuff (classic) - beg, cry, said some nasty words after the breakup (at this point I can not believe that I told her that she was cheating on me, when probably she was not) and that push me pull me thing lasted for a month after tha BU and then I cutted it of and went into NC mode. Only a month after our BU she was with another guy whom she met while still beeing with me. I have no problem wth that, only with knowing that during BU I asked her if she met somebody else, that she tells me that. She did not answered. Her new relationship lasted for a month or two.

So I went doing all the NC stuff. Since then, she is the one doing all the contact (via emails - sending me some funny stuff approx once in a 2 month period, like we are friends or something), several months after the BU she txt mssgs me that she is watching live brodcast of some festival on Mtv on whom me and my friends were, and that she is hopping that we are having a good time and that I must be carefull how I drive home(!?). I answered that she does not have to worry about me driving home and that the concert is great. 2 weeks later I txted her very short "Happy birthday - Bee good" mssge and she replies to me Thank you, thank you, I send you kisses(!?). A week later I simply asked her why is she doing this, tha email stuff, kisses, worrying about me driving home and stuff, and she really got pissed of and said. "Sorry that I wanted to hear how are you (she never asked), this is so pathetic from you, and as I am concerned we dont have to say even hello to each ther when we see each other on the street!" Wow.

I guess I heard something that I really did not expect.

So, we went to the NC mode again, simply becouse it is really the best thing for me. Then I met somebody knew, and kept that girl in a distance of our mutual friends that unfortunatley know every single detail of BU with my EX. Me and my ex have a bunch of mutual friends so the potential problem of mutual gatherings is here. I am saying this becouse in this company I am always the one with the coolest ideas of how we should spent some time, where we can travel, on which cultural or musical event we should go etc etc. I am not saying this becouse "I am simply the best" and I am saying this becouse it is tha fact, and that I know that my EX likes the same thing as me and that she can not attend (as the rest of the company) to some events if I dont do all the work.. Whatever.

So, approx one year later, I found out there is some party going on in other town, I told that to my friends, and told them strictly that I do not wanna any "mutual combinations" on that event. Of course, my ex apperead with her new boyfriend (I heard that she has one, she probably heard that I Have someone), calling me in the 01.00 hours i the morning (I did not hear tha cell so I did not answered). We spoke very shortly, her saying to me : Hey there is "Mr XY", you remember him? (with smile on her face, but special smile that only I can reckon) - Me answering: Yeah I remember him, but sorry i do not have glasses at this point so I dont really see him

One month ago her friend told me that my EX really wants to solve some issues with me (i guess it could be one of: "why can not we be friends, guilty conciensceher selfishness or something else) so I dont really know what to do. One of my best friend is her best friend`s boyfriend, and me and my friends know each other for almost 15 years.

 

I am saying all this becouse, at this point I am not into some friendly stuff really, becouse I know that I never really loved somebody like her, becouse all my honest words did not mean anything to her, becouse I felt lot of pain and becouse (maybe selfish and stupid) I do not wanna give her the opportunity to feel good after all.

I dont mind her nothing, but not been honest with me when there was time for it (during BU) however that was hard for her and that she maybe did not want to devastate me in that way.

So the quest is I give her a call ask her for coffe, then asked her what really she wants from me? And should I told her that she tries to understand that although its almost one year that has passed, that this is my time at the moment, and that its time for myself and that she tries to understand that this is my choice and that I am only doing things that are suitable for me.

 

In other words I am posting on this great site, which probably means that I am not completely over my ex, that I have a new girlfriend with whome I like spend time (I can not define my emotions to her - but I like her), and that part of me really feels that me and my EX can only be "friends" if we say everything to each other (because someone can be my friend only that way - sorry)...

What should I do? I know this could be two sided blade..The problem is, she "was" the one, and I am feeling responsible for lot of things, even our breakup. Part of me misses her and all great times that we had.

 

Love you all, keep posting

[DN]

I would advise against talking to her - it won't clear anything up and could complicate them even more. With the social network you have it will be difficult to avoid her but I would minimise contact as much as you can and you certainly don't have to be her friend if it causes you pain. Nor do you have to respond do messages, e-mails or anything else. When out in a group that she is in, keep contact to a polite minimum.

[Relationship Coach]

Clint,

Welcome to ENA, you found a great place to vent, seek advice and help others as well.

 

From what I gather I feel your Ex still has feelings for you as well and because of your close group of friends probably wants to keep things somewhat civil. I would not meet for coffee but simply call her and ask her what she wants. Tell her what you stated here, this is your time and she needs to respect that. I wouldn't tell her you still have feelings or she will be popping up and contacting you more than you'd prefer. Be fair to yourself and your new GF and put the past in the past where it belongs. Good Luck!

 

RC

[heloladies21]

Well I don't think you need to sit down with her at coffee to find out her true intentions when she has shown you with her actions that she is not very serious about you and only enjoys this emotional tug of war that has followed the break up. And that if you really wanted to stop the contact with her you would not respond to her text, calls, or emails and not communicate through her friends and that would solve your problem very quickly.

 

If you do not know whether you want her back or not you should make a decision and stick with it. If you decide you want her you should air out the feelings. If she does not feel the same way then you should move on. The way you are doing you are stringing yourself along and preventing yourself from getting over the break up.