Anyone else feel like this???

[justplainhurt]

I'm 23 and just got out of my second serious relationship. I've dated a lot other guys in between my two serious relationships, but have only felt that connection with 2 people. (FYI: My story is titled hurting, and it was posted on 1/21)

 

I'm really struggling right now, because I'm not where I thought I would be at 23. Here I am again single, and not interested in dating right now, as I am still hurting over my ex. All of my close friends are married, and most of them have children too. So, here I am on Saturday with no plans for this evening, and it's hard. I really need to find some new friends that I can relate to.

 

I've really paid attention to the number of people that are married the past couple of weeks...and I start asking myself, "what in the world is wrong with you". "Why aren't you married". I know I'm probably being a bit hard on myself...but you look at some of the people that are married and have to wonder to yourself what is it that they have that I don't. Everyone tells me how attractive and nice I am, I just don't get it.

 

I'm still really hurting with my break up, and just having a hard time understanding what happened. I've been talking with a counselor (career issues/relationship ended) and she made me come to a revelation yesterday. I guess I hide my true feelings, and pretend like I'm happy when I'm really not. It really helped to hear her say that...so I'm going to try to work on that. Change is a hard thing to do, but I'm determined to come out of this a better person.

 

Thanks for reading my post. Just needed to vent and to see if I'm the only one out there feeling lost.

 

justplainhurt

[Kevin T]

Hey, I can relate. I'm also 23, gonna be 24 this February (where does time go?) and I'm single. I've only had one really serious relationship; I was engaged a couple years back, but it didn't work out. Life goes on. However...

 

Now I'm in the same boat as the one you described. Nothing to do on Saturday night (well, not true - I do have a paper due shortly to work on), but no one special to spend the evening with. And it sucks. Big time.

 

I look at most of my close friends who are around my age and they're all married or in seriously committed relationships, too. It makes me feel like I'm missing out on something great and for the life of me, I have no idea why. I know I'm a great guy; smart, funny, good looking, kind, sweet, romantic, blah, blah, blah... but still haven't found the right girl yet. But what you said about looking at others in happy marriages or relationships and asking yourself what's wrong - trust me, I can relate to that completely. You start thinking, "since everyone else has what I want, then it MUST be me!"

 

I don't have an answer to that problem - not even for myself - but I can say that I definitely know what you're saying. You're far from alone in this particular situation and I'm sure others will attest to that as well. Chin up.

[RooferGirl23]

 

I'm really struggling right now, because I'm not where I thought I would be at 23. Here I am again single, and not interested in dating right now, as I am still hurting over my ex. All of my close friends are married, and most of them have children too. So, here I am on Saturday with no plans for this evening, and it's hard. I really need to find some new friends that I can relate to.

 

 

 

justplainhurt

 

Dont rush it. im 24, attatched with two children of my own and 4 steps. Im so busy between driving kids to school, taking care of a 2 year old and 1 month old, and my saturday night? whats that? as much as i love my family, i miss hanging with friends, going to the store (and the bathroom) alone, having a clean house, and money in my wallet. Getting married too soon is not good. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Enjoy being single, and the best advice i can give: SAVE MONEY NOW!!!!! while your expenses are still low.

[deejay74]

your story is a lot like mine except for 2 things: i am a male and i am 31 years old.

 

listen, you're still really young and have plenty of time ahead of you. i got a late start in the dating world and i only had 2 serious relationships. the last one just ended on 12/29 and only lasted 6 months. before that, my last serious relationship ended in 2000, so it was 5 years between relationships. i dated a lot of girls in between but i never thought they were worth it to get involved in a relationship.

 

at my age, all my friends are getting married, settling down, and starting new lives with their significant others. i've been thinking that i am going to be alone forever and i don't want to wait another 5 years before i get in another relationship. i don't mind being alone and doing things alone, but i am just tired of it. i had been doing things by myself for 5 years until i met my ex in june, and now i am back to being alone. so yes, i am feeling lost too - you have my support.

 

don't worry - at 23 you don't want to be married right now. if i were you, i'd be doing all i can as a single person because as soon as you have kids, your life is going to be revolving around them, and not you. trust me, i've seen it happen to my sister. but if that's what you want, than go for it but give yourself some time to heal from this break up.

 

and it's very good that you're seeing a counselor, i am too, and it does help.

 

hang in there!

[hosswhispra]

Justplainhurt,

 

23 is really young....I am 31 and I have never had a serious relationship in my life. It would be nice to meet someone--but I don't want to 'waste' all my time focusing and ruminating about it. I do attribute it to being very busy with school (I went back to school in my mid 20's) and the area of the country I live in. I am from the northeast and even though there are people married in there 20's, it's not all that common. Have faith...and do not get discouraged.

 

hosswhispra

[locolady]

Hello - thought i'd join in with this as its nice to hear that we're/i'm not alone either! I'm 21 and i know i'm still young but i come from a family where my parents met at 15, have been married for over 30 years and are so in love - i think because of this i have high expectations. I met a great guy when i was 17 - and broke up with him a few months ago - i thought i had found my own happy ending with him, i was so in love. Now, i too am scared i wont find someone else i connect with in the way i did him. I'm terrified i'll end up alone. I've been to uni, i've travelled, i'm off to China in march on my own - i know i should feel proud of these things but without someone special my life feels so empty. Its hard to stay positive. As this site is testimony to, its crazy that its so hard to connect with people despite there being so many single people looking for someone!

 

Virginia Woolf spoke of the "insurmountable distance between one human being and another" - i think she was very sadly right!

[justplainhurt]

This board has been a breath of fresh air. You guys are great!

 

Kevin T - Wow, you really do know how I feel. You do start thinking "It must be me".

 

RooferGirl23 - My best friend is in your shoes. She has 2 kids of her own, and I know she doesn't have much time to herself. Heck, I rarely ever get to spend time with her.

 

Locolady - Yep, my parents got married right out of high school and have been married for 38 years. I think I probably have high expectations as well.

 

Iwantherback & hosswhispra - thanks for making me understand that I am not alone. Like I said, none of my friends can relate to this.

[HurtDude]

You popped into my thread so I'll pop into yours.

 

What you're going through is very rough...and though my situation is a littel bit different...it still hurts just the same.

 

No contact is the best way to go, and I'm trying to follow my own advice. This was my second serious relationship and like someone else said..i don't know WHY they end...im extremely good looking..heck im a model for calvin klein, im smart-pre med, im athletic, im cultured and im very romantic..maybe too much..and all the rest...but i seem to get attached to girls who sound like they are so in love with me-but they aren't really.

 

Anyways, if you have aim or an email you know ive found that talking to someone you've never met really helps things because they don't know youy and thus dont have any pre conceptions of you. Try it. Drop me a liine or something. That goes for everyone else too.

[Insite]

Yes !! Listen to these good people. I am 31 and lemme tell ya - You are at a fun age!! Go out and meet new guys and have fun

 

As for the break up - I know - it is never easy. All I can say to you, and this IS the truth, time heals all - DO NOT contact him. Make a commitment to move on and you'll be halfway there. I went through a breakup about 2 1/2 months ago - lived with her for three years. I loved her - but life does go on. Enjoy this time of your life and don't be too woried about settling down just yet. You have plenty of time so take your time. Go see the world or even better - travel accross states. It's a blast.