What are his intentions???

[qtedrew7]

I haven't been on here in awhile...I was dealing with the same guy, but then i was going through the breakup process and wanting to be with him again. he said he needed time and didn't want to be together then. we had been together for 3 1/2 years...college sweethearts...

Well, the last form of contact was by email in May. Since then we both have dated people and even both considered moving to be with those people we were dating. Me, California, him, Florida. Oddly enough, neither one of our 5 mo. relationships worked out. He said that we were 'dumb to move for somebody.'

So, 8 months later, he wants to talk to me. He talked with my sister, they were very close, and asked if I would talk to him. Him and the florida girl ended...we caught up and things were great on the phone. I asked him what his intentions were with talking to me, cause he knows i get weak when it comes to him, and he said that he had none. I told him that i have no expectations from him now. That I am focusing on me for once, school, career, and friends. I said that the ball was in his court. He said that he 'promised' to call me. Well, 2 days later, he emails me and we have been corresponding very casually that way the past few days.

I guess i'm confused. I can't be lead on my him, it would hurt too much, I can't handle that, I got so far and i can't regress.

However, what if this means he wants to explore what we ended???

Advice???

And i thought it was hard to read women?? Ha!

 

[DN]

I think you need to get some positive answers from him before you get hurt again. Tell him that if he wants to get back together, or even just talk about it, then that's something you can consider, but if he is just talking for old time's sake or for some other reason, then you would prefer to move on without him in your life, at least for now.

[qtedrew7]

Thanks for responding...

I don't know what I want. For so long I would of been ecstatic to know that he was even thinking about me, let alone talking to me. now that it is happening, i'm scared. I don't want to get hurt. Its so nice to hear his voice and know what he is up to, and for him to want to know about me. should i just take it in stride and see what happens??

I don't want to be overbearing and demand answers to him talking to me.

[friscodj]

I don't know what I want.

 

That's step #1: figure yourself out before bringing another person into the picture...

[DN]

Ask yourself this question because from the answer you will be able to figure out a lot:

 

'Do you still love him and, if you knew the relationship would be a good one, would you want him back?"

[qtedrew7]

without a second of hesitation or a doubt in my mind - YES!

[DN]

So you have to steer a middle course between making sure you don't get hurt all over again and sending him away.

 

That is why you need some answers from him. Don't forget, this is not starting a new relationship where you don't know each other - he will know, or should know, that contacting you is bound to raise some sort of questions about what he wants. So ask him. Not as a confrontation but as a way of seeking information.

[qtedrew7]

Thanks DN for responding....

 

the middle ground is exactly what i'm trying to find...but its between being patient and seeing what happens and me wanting to find out his intentions. My biggest fear is that I will be pushy or too forward....then again i have to look out for me in this as well.

suggestions on what to ask without being over the top with it all?

everything has been very casual and easy conversation, nothing too deep.

he knows me so well and i know him too, no surprises here.

 

this whole thing is still driving me crazy!

[DN]

How about something like "I am really glad we are talking again, it's fun. But you know I have to be careful with my heart these days - it's a little tender right now. So I was wondering where we might be going with this - or if we are going anywhere at all."

[qtedrew7]

I think your suggestion is great. I most definetely need to communicate that to him.

Since I was on here last, he has called me and we've made plans to meet up on Saturday. He is really excited to hang out together.

I'm nervous and can't believe its actually happening.

My fear now is that I can easily go back into the routine we had in the past. We are both different people now, so there will be adjustments. Can we make it work again? I don't want to get hurt but at the same time this can lead to what i've wanted ever since we broke up - to be together again......

anyone gotten back with thier ex lately?? (we were together for 3 1/2 years and broke up 1 1/2 ago)

 

is it actually possible to take it slow?