Can't stop thinking about her - help!

[abbett]

I met a girl 9 years ago - she was 19 and I was 24. We met online and had a long distance thing for a few months. After talking online and on the phone for 3 or 4 weeks, she came out to see me for a week. It was the most magical week I've ever experienced. I can still remember so much from that time. A month later, I went to see her for a week. We continued to talk for another month or so. We exchanged many snail mail letters because she did not have a computer at the time. The letters were very sweet. Our times were sweet.

 

A month later, she stopped calling. She did not have a phone at the time so I could not call her. And I live in Birmingham and, at the time, she lived in Austin, TX. I kept waiting on her to call and she never did. I eventually moved on.

 

6 months later, she wrote me a letter and told me how she had gotten scared. You see, we were each other's first les experience. After being with her, I knew that's who I was. She wasn't so sure. She got scared. She felt isolated. She was afraid to talk to anyone about us. So, she told me how she had gotten scared and how she had tried to forget about me but that she couldn't.

 

I was in another relationship at the time, so we just started talking as friends. Within that next year, she met a man, married him, and moved to Phoenix. A year or so later, she had a daughter. A year or so after that, they got divorced.

 

6 or 8 months later, she met another man and settled in for a relationship with him that lasted about a year. The custody battle with her ex-husband was hard on that relationship and that guy just up and left one day.

 

For the past 9 years, she's never been with another woman but me - until this past summer. She wanted to try it again. The experience wasn't very memorable for her.

 

In late September and early October, my 6-year relationship started ending. I went through a very difficult, challenging, and scary time. I needed a friend and she was there. We started talking once or twice a week for hours at a time. We'd talk for 3, 4, 5 hours easily. We'd talk about my relationship breaking down, we'd talk about guys she was dating, we'd talk about our families. In essense we were talking about everything. The conversations were amazing and I loved them. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was feeling closer and closer to her.

 

We started talking about visiting each other - as friends. So, I found a good rate and went out last week and weekend. When i first saw her, I was very nervous. She'd changed some in the 9 years since I saw her last. That first night, we were sitting on separate couches, as friends, and I felt such a chasm between us. So, I asked her to come sit lay with me and I wanted her so badly - I could not keep my hands off of her. So, we were together that night.

 

The next day, we went about doing things around town - we never really talked about what happened. But it seemed right. That afternoon, we came back to the house, got together again. And it was amazing. We took a bath. Went to dinner with a friend of hers. Came back home and got together again. It was amazing again.

 

The next day, we went about our day and didn't really talk about anything. I was being very quiet because we weren't talking about it. That night after dinner, we started talking about it all. She was being very guarded with her feelings. She told me that. So, she has feelings for me, I guess. She was afraid of being in a relationship like this because she thought it might threaten the custody of her child. She kept saying she wasn't gay - although she's happy to say she's bi. i don't know why she made a point to keep saying that. she told me that i did things to her and made her feel ways she has never felt - because she trusted me and felt love from me.

 

the next day, we were a little more open with our feelings but we were each holding back some. that night we got together again and it was amazing again. it drives me crazy to think about it.

 

i left the next day to come back home. i was so, so sad. i told her i had developed feelings for her, that i would miss her. she wouldn't really say what she felt - she said she needed to process everything and that it takes her time.

 

the next day, at home, i stayed home from work - i could not handle reality yet. i looked through her old letters from 9 years ago, our old pics together -- i went and got the pics from this trip developed. i wrote her a long, emotional letter. i cried.

 

she called that night, told me of a work conference in my region, and we talked of meeting up together for that weekend. we didn't talk on tuesday and i was going crazy wanting to talk with her.

 

we did talk on wednesday night - but not a lot about us - she said she is still processing everything. she told me she is sorry it takes her so long and to try to be patient.

 

i think she is having a hard time with the gay thing. i think she is having a hard time with the distance. i think she is having a hard time with the fact i've not been out of my last relationship very long, and i think she's having a hard time with how amazing it all was.

 

this whole week i cannot stop thinking about her. she's in the forefront of my mind constantly. i want to look at pics of her. i want to call her. i want to text her. i want to email her. and i have to keep holding myself back. i can't contact her everytime i want to or it might push her away.

 

why am i constantly thinking of her? how can i change it?

 

thanks

[robowarrior]

You two are made for eachother, celebrate it instead of trying to forget it. You both are only going against your own natural feelings of love which is downright wrong. Love is beautifull, you two together thereforeeee are beautifull, i would dance and cheer of happyness seeing you two being together. What really matters is the love between you two, and that if you two are happy that's what important, and if i where you i would ask her to please stop fighting her feelings and just enjoy eachother, and tell her that you know she loves you, and that you love her back, and that others should look at their own lives instead of condemning the two of you being together. That she is free to stand and go where she wants, but that you would rejoice her being a part of your life. Afterall its better to be with someone that loves you of the same gender then someone who makes your life complete utter hell of the opposite. So why are you two struggling so much, see its actually her struggle, you need to understand that (family,friends) all expect her to marry get kids,and form this (ideal picture) of man-woman-child-house-animal-tree type of life. This is putting her under pressure, you need to try to take the pressure of her, and ask her who she is really happy with? So keep on pouring love and light in her life on a continues basis, small arguments can lead to big break ups and you want to avoid any droplets of negativity or darkness that poison the relationship.

[Vacant Sadness]

I agree 110% with robo. excellent advice.

You just need to be patient with her, as this is something new and unfamiliar to her. Her family probably raised her to be like they were, and she doesn't wanna let them down, even tho her feelings for u are convuluted. I think she loves u, but that its just surrounded by the fog of what other people think. Which makes a lot of sense. You've felt this way for her for about 9 years, but sometimes it just takes time.. I wish u the best

[Hannahleh]

I don't know what to tell you, but it's a beautiful story and I wish you the best of luck.