Still Struggling

[HurtDude]

14 days now and NC is still going.

 

She said she wanted to be friends and begged me allow her to become my friend...but I havent heard from her in 14 days. What kind of a friend is that?

 

I have these emotional lows and highs. Sometimes I feel like i'm ok without her, and othertimes i just want to call her and say "hey, i just wanted to let you know I miss the things we had together thats all"

 

Maybe I should just sit down and write an email.....saying all my feelings and such and then sit on it for another week and if im still wanting to send it...ill send it.

[jl301]

Hey HurtDude,

 

Don't let her control your emotions. NC is actually for you to heal from all this pain. I know is really hard and that you really miss her right now. I know the feeling because I'm doing the NC myself. It's really diffiuclt because our ex's constant pop up in our minds and reminds us the wonderful time we spend together. The best thing is to let go and if she really want to be your friend then she will contact you. I don't think you are ready to be just friends with your ex. I think it will make it worse, so please take this time to heal from this.

 

I recommended not to write the email. What if she doesn't answer or she answers coldly to you. Once again you be crushed and we don't want that to happen do we? If you really want write down all your feelings on paper and then burn it. It's good to get all your emotions out and that you will feel better. Hang in there and be strong for yourself.

[coollady1957]

I agree with the last post, that having NO CONTACT will be best for you and for your healing and getting past this. I wouldnt do the email either. Try your best to move on and get interested in something new and something to help you pass the time with out thinking of the situation. Dont sit around waiting for her to contact you and I wouldnt contact her either. I am going on close to a month after my break up and its been difficult but i have maintained the no contact and the healing and bad feelings are getting better. Stay strong and I feel you will be fine.

[luciddreamer]

sometimes (often)? getting reassurance that you want to /are able to be their friend just eases their guilt that they're hurting you... we are all afraid to lose the familiar; it may not really be that she wants to keep up the talking and communication, but just wants to psychologically know she could if she wants to. things are probably really tumultuous right now for both of you, but hang in there and let it be if you can stand it...

[Setter5]

Your statement "what kind of friend is that" sums it up. We all have these relationships. We all have these routines, these comfort zones, random things, inside jokes, intimacy, etc., but are we always friends?

 

I have to believe that "real" adult-like, healthy relationships involve all of these things, but most importantly, we never question the best part - the friendship. Isn't that the real connection?

 

I often ask myself "was she REALLY my bestfriend?" Would a best friend who in love with me or not, REALLY treat me that way?

 

Good luck

[friscodj]

14 days now and NC is still going.

 

She said she wanted to be friends and begged me allow her to become my friend...but I havent heard from her in 14 days. What kind of a friend is that?

 

I have these emotional lows and highs. Sometimes I feel like i'm ok without her, and othertimes i just want to call her and say "hey, i just wanted to let you know I miss the things we had together thats all"

 

Maybe I should just sit down and write an email.....saying all my feelings and such and then sit on it for another week and if im still wanting to send it...ill send it.

 

Yeah, if she's "begging" you to be her friend, she wants to use you for her comfort, so she can feel good about the breakup and still have you "there for her." Those situations are a dime-a-dozen...and very selfish...

 

Your emotional "rollercoaster" is totally normal. My advice is ride it out...you might get nauseous along the way and be dizzy when you get off...but the ride will end eventually...it's normal and doesn't mean you two should be together...

 

Good idea on the email. Write one, save it, read it over and over again and maybe that will help in and of itself...

[justplainhurt]

I'm on day 13 of NC and I know how you feel. My ex also said that he wanted to be friends, and still wanted to see me. But, like you, I have yet to hear from him. I truly feel your pain - it's hurts.

 

You have to ask yourself this though "Can I handle just being friends with my ex"? Be honest with yourself. Can you really? I know I can't. I don't know how you transition yourself to be friends with someone, that you were so much more with. How would you feel seeing her, and not being able to touch her, or kiss her? You wouldn't ever know where you stood with the person, and that would drive you crazy. I'm not saying that you can never be friends with her, because you can. But you have to heal first. I was with someone for almost 5 years, and we are now "friends" 2 1/2 years later. It takes time.

 

I wouldn't send the e-mail. I thought of doing the same thing. I wrote it all out and just kept it to myself. It did make me feel better just to write it out. I would suggest writing it and sending it to yourself. It might help you just to get your feelings out.

 

It's normal to have highs and lows. It will be a roller coaster for awhile, but time will heal your pain. Just keep yourself busy to pass the time.

 

justplainhurt