Back to rockbottom

[healinginnyc81]

I had such a relapse today. On my way to my first class at 10 am, I saw my ex and her new guy coming out of the dorm together right in front of me. We were going to the same class. I walked a different way but just seeing them walking together brought back such a flood of memories of all the times I used to pick her up for class, walk with her, carry her bookbag and sit next to her in class. I was so torn up the rest of the day, I couldn't concentrate in class or at work. I got back to my room and wanted to cry but I just fluctuated between anger and sadness thinking how could she do this to me? How could she meet someone else and just leave me like that and get so involved with this guy so quickly? It's so painful, I keep feeling so betrayed, and I think it's gonna take me forever to trust someone again.

 

Then I went into the dining hall, and two people that worked there, and have been seeing me and my ex eat there for almost three years, asked me how come they didn't see "the girl you were always with" anymore. I'm sure they could see that I was really hurt when I told them she broke up with me.

 

I was doing a lot better over the last 2 weeks but this was a major setback. All these feelings of being betrayed are still there. I feel so worthless. I know it's mean but I wish she could feel what I'm going through. She seems to think there's something wrong with me for being so hurt. When I first found out about her seeing this guy, she told me that I was being too intense! What was I supposed to be? I hope it doesn't take me a year to get over her, but it feels like it's going to.

[pos69sum]

continue to take the high road, don't let her see you upset, continue to focus on making yourself happy and forgetting about this. try to get out and hang out with new people as much as possible. in the end you will become a much stronger person for it.

[friscodj]

bkjsun-

 

Oh man, you really had a bad day with all that happening...

 

I don't know what to tell you, other than believing in three things:

 

1) Her new relationship isn't perfect, and

 

2) From what you've told us, you're a pretty stand-up guy. True and genuine stand-up guys are tough to find these days and keep telling yourself she's crazy for not being with you because you're the s***! And,

 

3) There is absolutely a better relationship out there awaiting you with a woman that will put your ex to shame...

 

BUT...words from Internet strangers or anyone else for that matter won't make what just happened go away. You've got to suffer through that in your own way...just stay away from her at any rate...

[jl301]

Hang in there and be strong. Don't let her see that this is you really bothering because it will boost her ego. I know it really hurts right now, but with time all the pain go away.

[Relationship Coach]

bkjsun,

You need to realize that she will end up crushing this guy probably sooner than later. It's tough being in such a close proximity to her due to school but what you have to realize is she has to see you as well. You may think it's hard for you to see her but she broke up with you and will someday have to see the mistake she made every day. So be strong, don't act like the walking wounded. Get back out there and have fun. Be the person you were when she met you and fell for you. Trust me, when the day comes that she sees you with another girl, her world will spin out of control, then you will see the definition of intense.

 

RC

[healinginnyc81]

"When sorrows come, they come not as single spies ... but in battalions" - Hamlet

 

I really know what that means now. As if the previous events weren't bad enough, there's more. Tonight at 7pm, I went to this weekly accounting students meeting. I got there 10 min early to try and find someone I knew to sit next to and talk to. Well, my ex was there before me and she was already chatting it up with a couple of the people I would normally talk to. I sat by myself, a couple of people talked to me here and there, but the whole time she seemed so upbeat and chatty with everyone, while I just sat there barely saying anything to people around me.

 

Everyone knows we broke up, and they can probably see that I am taking it hard. Maybe they're avoiding talking to me and they're talking to her because she's not depressed. I don't know.

 

I'm not sure if I believe in a higher being but sometimes I just have to look up to the sky and say "You think you're so funny don't you?." I'm so close to just quitting school. I'm not going to , but the temptation is there.

[healinginnyc81]

Hey thanks for responding guys,

 

pos69sum and jl301, you're right I need to pull myself together when I go to class and I'm gonna try to focus on something besides her.

 

friscodj, thanks so much for your encouraging words. It makes me feel much better. I hope you're right about finding a better relationship someday.

 

RC, thanks for the insight. I want to go out and have fun. I can't even imagine being with another girl right now. But I do need to get back to being my old self again as you say. That's my goal.

 

Once again thanks everyone, I'm feeling a little better now. I'm just ready for this day to end.

[MessedUp]

bkjsun if there is anybody in the world that knows how you feel right now its me. I think you have even answered one of my posts with the same reply. Man it really really sucks I know exactly how you feel. I don't get to see my ex cuz we dont go to the same school but i also picture it in my head how her and her new bf would look like together you know what i mean. I know it kills, I really do, like especially when this girl was feeding you all this love crap about being together forever and stuff like that and then for her to switch on you like that and find a new man. My ex used the excuse that you will always find "somebody better", which made me feel even worse because that means that she found somebody better than me I guess. I dont know how much help I can be because I am currently going through crazy mood swings too, but I can only tell you that I know how you feel and your not alone man. TRUST ME! YOUR SITUATION IS LIKE MINE, BUT MINE IS PROBABLY WORSE cuz i've practically begged her to take me back. All I can say is if you ever need to talk or anything man Private message me. Were alot alike in this situation. But there are alot of great people on this site that help give you advice. We just gotta get through it buddy.

[friscodj]

I do not envy your position. Wow. You're basically walking barefoot on the hot coals of hell on a daily basis...

 

What you need to do it shut everything out when you're at school. Just block it out and focus on your work. All this is going on around you, you just have to put the blinders on, focus on your work, be strong and distant when you're around your ex at all...she exists but she doesn't, so to speak...

 

And above all don't quit school because of her. Go visit your school's counseling center and talk to a pro about this if it reaches that point...now is the time to bury yourself in your studies so you have no extra time to think about her...

 

Remember this experience will make you a stronger person and there definitely is another, better relationship on the horizon...

[healinginnyc81]

Thanks, MU, I did reply to your posts because I relate to your situation. It's been 2 months for me and I thought I was doing better but today was just torture. You're right though, we gotta get through this and we will. I'll just brace myself to have more days like this at least once a week. Good luck to you.

 

friscodj, I've talked to the counselor a couple of times and it is helping. Burying myself in my studies is not working because I just can't concentrate at all. I'm trying to study in little blocks of time throughout the day just so I don't fall far behind. But the only thing that helps me is to keep jumping from one activity to the next - tv, music, internet, walk around, eat, class, study, work out, etc. But hopefully, I'll be able to start concentrating a little more on my studying. I hope you've been doing well, thanks again.

[friscodj]

friscodj, I've talked to the counselor a couple of times and it is helping. Burying myself in my studies is not working because I just can't concentrate at all. I'm trying to study in little blocks of time throughout the day just so I don't fall far behind. But the only thing that helps me is to keep jumping from one activity to the next - tv, music, internet, walk around, eat, class, study, work out, etc. But hopefully, I'll be able to start concentrating a little more on my studying. I hope you've been doing well, thanks again.

 

You've got to focus man. Your education is more important than this chick...

 

Just keep busy, busy, busy. Have no time to think about her. Force yourself to study. I've found that the hardest part is getting started. Once you get rolling, it's easier to keep going...so just jump into your stuff...as Nike says, "Just Do It." I like to take my books and stuff and go somewhere where there are no distractions, like an isolated part of a library, and just get the job done!

 

Better yet, start a study group with a nice lady in your class!

 

Again, now is a good time to practice shutting her out of your life. Focus on yourself, put the blinders on and get your classwork done. She's there, but she doesn't exist in your world anymore...

[Setter5]

she WILL crush this guy. you WILL look back at these terrible times and simply say "i never want to feel like that again."

 

the "time" thing sucks, but it works.

[friscodj]

she WILL crush this guy. you WILL look back at these terrible times and simply say "i never want to feel like that again."

 

the "time" thing sucks, but it works.

 

Better yet, in time, you won't give a s*** about what she does! It happens, and like Setter5 said, the time thing sucks but it works...

[MessedUp]

bkjsun dont feel bad, I messed up all my school too..Im in university also and the first semester was a complete waste. I couldn't concentrate at all and when I was in class I couldn't even remember what the professor was talking about. When I did my homework I couldn't get her off my mind either, and add that with exams and there is no way you can possibly study. Its so unbelieveable how one person can mess you up so much. TRUST ME i know how you feel man. You try to get her off your mind but you cant. You just remember what happened and the pain that comes along with it. The reason im telling you this is just to remind you that at least you can think about me now too and know that at least one other person in this world is going through what im going through you know what I mean. To know that your not alone and that at least me and you are on the same boat can provide some comfort. I seriously felt that my situation was like unique and the worst possible case ever because I never cheated on her, lied to her or anything. She just basically fell out of love with me for some reason. And thats the worst part. BUT WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS. I NOW KNOW ITS A LESSON TO BE LEARNED. But I also do know that you cant just turn off memories and the feeling of betrayl. BUT WE CAN AT LEAST TRY RIGHT MAN?

[Pikey1972]

bkjsun, sorry I didn't write sooner, have only just gone onliny again.

 

I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through, I can't imagine what it must be like to see your ex on an almost daily basis.

 

I think you're definitely heading in the right direction though; even though things are tough right now, you're continuing to take the moral high ground and are looking after yourself. Seeing a counsellor is an excellent idea, and I admire you for continuing to go to your classes rather than avoiding them. You're doing well my friend! ;-)

 

Unlike your ex, you haven't gone straight into a new relationship (I agree with RC, her new boyfriend is probably in for a rough ride in the future) and are taking time out to focus on yourself.

 

You're going to be a much stronger person in the very near future, as you learn more and more about yourself.

 

Remember: it's easy to stick your head in the sand (which I suspect is what your ex is doing). It's much harder to sit back and analyse things, yet so much more rewarding in the end when you do find the right girl. Just think of all the knowledge and skills you will have acquired!

 

Keep us posted and hang on in there - you'll be just fine.

[healinginnyc81]

friscodj, thanks again. I tell myself these things but it really helps for someone else to be telling me. I will try to just keep moving and hope my feelings follow suit in time.

 

setter5, I agree it sucks to just think that it'll get better "in time". But I guess the point is to stop waiting for it to get better and just believe it will without my paying attention to it.

 

messedup, it's definitely nice to know that I'm not the only one who is experiencing this. I think by keeping up with each other's situations we can learn from each other and support each other along with everyone else on these forums. Thanks.

 

Pikey, good hearing from you anytime. You're right I'm not sticking my head in the sand, as refreshing as it would be right now. I'm going to try to believe that I'll be better off because of this, like you said. I'm hanging in there, just barely.

 

thanks to everyone for your advice and support. I'm feeling better today even though I could hardly sleep last night. I don't usually see her on Fridays, so I should be able to make it through. If I see her though, I'll remember what all of you said. I'll realize that it only seems like she's better now, in the end I'm going to take more out of this experience and I'll be better off.

 

So happy I found enotalone.

[friscodj]

friscodj, thanks again. I tell myself these things but it really helps for someone else to be telling me. I will try to just keep moving and hope my feelings follow suit in time.

 

No lie, you're in hell right now. You're strung up on the tree by the balls getting whipped repeatedly. I know how that feels all too well...

 

But try to take those lashings with a smile, laugh at the messed up situation you're in, and most importantly believe it will only get better with time...because it will...

 

But right now, you've got to get your work done. Your grades stay on your transcript forever...your feelings about this chick don't...