Friends vs. Not Friends

[enolaton]

Just wondering what you guys thought about this topic: If you were dumped, but it wasn't a bad breakup, do you have the best shot of reconciling if you are friends or not friends (and just move on with your life)? Or, must you ultimately heal first after a period of NC, and then try to be their friend to have the best shot (whether or not they are dating someone else)?

[Pikey1972]

I'd definitely say give it a period of NC first.

 

I tried being friends with my ex for 3 months (on LC), but found it only got my hopes up (plus lots of frustration / anguish / doubts etc!)

[NR498E]

Being true friends with an ex is almost impossible.Im the only person I know that is true friends with an ex and that happened after over a year of NC.

[Dako]

I'm still enjoying lunches with my ex, 5 months afer being dumped. I know some other people who are still close to their ex. One fellow spends holidays as a houseguest with his ex and her new husband. Another guy I know has two ex-wives he takes to parties and dinner parties. All three are good friends.

 

In all of these cases, the people are over 40. I'm sure younger people have the maturity and patience to save those friendships if they really want. You just need to be able to love someone who has hurt you severely.

People do that every day.

[Pikey1972]

A quick addendum:

 

I have managed to stay friends with one ex (we split up 3 years ago). It took almost 2 years of NC to get to that stage, but he's now a very good friend.

 

Hope to manage the same with my "new ex"!

[friscodj]

Being true friends with an ex is almost impossible.Im the only person I know that is true friends with an ex and that happened after over a year of NC.

 

Not true. Two of my very best friends are my ex-girlfriends. And there is absolutely no bad air between us. We set each other up on dates and such, talk about women/men, etc. It took like 2 years post-break-up, but it is very possible...

[friscodj]

Hope to manage the same with my "new ex"!

 

I'm not so sure being friends with an ex is something to "hope" for. Anytime you mention the words "hope" and "ex" in the same sentence...that usually spells nothing but trouble!