Cold feet?

[bouldersweden]

OK, so I'm on the verge of breaking up with this girl. I like her a lot. She's a great time, she makes me laugh and she would bend over backward for me. I consider her a good friend as well as a girlfriend.

HOWEVER, there are some major sticking points... The physical isn't there. Not just bad sex. I'm just not physically attracted to her and as much as I've tried (we've been dating for 5 months) I can't get into it. There are also some major red flags for me. She has not been on good terms with her dad most of her life and she is very stuck on me. Sometimes it makes me feel like she's looking for a father in me. On top of this is the fact that I'm graduating in June and am not staying while she is not graduating and is staying. I feel like a total jerk for committing to something that's obviously ending sooner than later. She's all about commitment, but at the same time is not concerned that the commitment is an end unto itself. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but two people can't really be committed to one another when they admit to having no plans to stay together. It's pointless right? Ladies back me up on this one... pointless?

 

The plot thickens... just last week one of her friends kissed me (SEH KISSED ME) in a bar and many of my girlfriends friends saw. they told her that I was making out with this chick and we had a very drauma filled weekend. Well, now I feel like a double jerk for breaking up with her right after being forgivin for "making out" with some girl at a bar. I know, sounds hokey. But there's the story

 

Anyway, I'm getting cold feet here, but she's planning a big "weekend together" this weekend and I think it all has to end before that... Sooo... I need opinions... affirmation maybe... anything... let me know what you think...

[LiquidCherry]

If you're wanting to break up with her before your relationship becomes long distance I don't see much hope or point in continuing to date.

 

It sounds like you're not looking forward to big weekend plans with her.. Not normal for people who WANT to be together.

 

Is it possible your girlfriend thinks there is a chance that you'll be continuing your relationship after you graduate, even if it would be long distance? If she does and you don't see that happening I'd let her know.

 

There's nothing wrong with being exlclusive with someone even though you know it won't be long term but if you want to end things now you don't owe her to see the relationship out until you have to leave.

 

You also don't have to stay with her even though she forgave you. Sure, it was wrong regardless of who kissed who, but you're doubting the relationship as it is.

[smittenkitten]

I think that if the physical thing isn't there for you, you shouldn't continue with this. You've given it 5 months and it still isn't there- it's not likely that anything is going to change! Is it a matter of her lack of experience, or any particular technique you dislike? If so, you could possibly guide her & create a better sex life. But if the chemistry is simply lacking- if she just doesn't turn you on, for whatever reason- then THAT'S not gonna change!

 

Now, if you don't mind being in a sexually unfullfilling relationship, and all the rest of it is good enough to compensate for that lack, then by all means keep seeing her. For me though, sex is a very important part of a good relationship, and I want to be with someone who knocks my socks off, INSIDE the bedroom as well as outside!

 

It sounds to me like you feel friendship for her, more than anything else. Why not cut yourself loose? You'll be freeing yourself (and HER!) to find someone who with whom you ARE truly compatible- on ALL levels!

 

 

[Mike90]

Hey "smittenkitten" I know this is quite random but I wanted to ask who is that guy in your picture!?? Sorry but he looks exactly identical to me xD Im curious so it wud be nice if u could tell me.