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A regret...

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It was good that you were being honest with her, however, it sounds like the way you explained it wasn't in a good way. You mentioned words like 'tarnished', you compare her to virgins, etc. You've really hurt her! The majority of women would feel the same way! So she's not a virgin anymore, but that doesn't mean she's a 'tramp' either and that's how she was made to feel although it wasn't your intention.


If I was you I'd be buying some flowers, chocolates, taking her out for a meal. The FULL WORKS!


A person's past in any relationship cannot be changed!


I do hope you succeed in patching up this relationship because you could lose her as your friend too.


Good luck

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Intentional or not, you made her feel horrible by even telling her "you forgive her". Forgive her for what? Losing her virginity was not WRONG for her to do, it was prior to you, it was her choice, her body.


She did not need "forgiveness", she needed acceptance, straight up. No words of her "not being tarnished", because by saying them, you are saying she really was. We all have pasts to some degree, and it is unfair to hold her past against her if you choose to be with her. If you can't accept it, then it is better to let her go.


Anyway, I cannot say why you broke up, my guess is perhaps she felt this was always looming over her, in some way, and she felt NOT accepted, no matter what your words were, your actions and the way you said those words showed her she was not.


It could also be she just decided you were not the one for her, or that she wanted to be free to date others, she wanted to be more independent. Could be numerous things. But I say the best thing for you to do is to let her go, learn from this relationship, and move forward into your future. Time will tell what happens, but ultimately you both will be with people whom are right for you.

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I felt so hurt, because I wanted to share my virginity with someone that was a virgin also. I wanted to share that as something spiritual.


I told her that it wasn't her fault.


i made it clear that she wasn't a bad person.


MOST importantly I didn't want her to feel tarnished.


ANd that she meant everything to me, and she wasn't tarnished.


No one needs to feel tarnished or not feel good about themselves. I wanted to let her know that , if she didn't.


I told her that I forgave her, and I'm still forgiving because its very hard.

I dated someone for a long while, we're still great friends to this day. He was a virgin and I wasn't. But he never made me feel ashamed or tarnished. He never made any passive aggressive comments at all.


Saying to her that you don't want her to feel tarnished is the same thing as telling her you think she's tarnished. I'm sure she didn't feel that way before you said that to her though she may have afterwards.


You made it clear she wasn't a bad person for having a past? Of course she's not and why would she be?


And you forgave her? Forgave her for what? I think you owe her a HUGE apology.

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I guess that I must explain myself more clearly.


She did hurt me a lot, you see, she ended the relationship, she said that she need "me time". She felt overwhelmed with work, school, and other things. At that I felt really bad, angry, and bitter. I was insulted because she put up a emotional blockage on me. She needed space from me. She treated me like everyone else. I was hurt because I cared for her a lot. I know she is hurting. I don't know why shes doing this, but she came to me saying she needed more time to be "ME". She let me go, but she would hurt if I moved on. But she won't let me back in.




I forgave her because she caused the hurt in me, and I didn't want to hold on to such negative feelings. And yes, being a virgin, or not doesn't need forgiveness, because there is nothing wrong with it. I dunno, if I'm mistaken, I think I wrote that if you love someone you just accept. Love is acceptance.


She felt tarnished because she holds a lot of stuff in, she doesn't like to talk about things. The words tarnished came out of her mouth, which was a result of telling her how I felt. I was just being honest. I didn't degrade her. So it ate her bit by bit...I think. So I wasn't a absolute jerk, just relative....I guess.


I best thing that I could do, was reassure her that it wasn't her, but myself that had the problem. I said that from the get go....I don't even know why I'm like that. I'm not religious. I don't care about dominating. I dunno...


I don't know if I owe her an apology on how I feel. I can't help how I felt in the past. I thought I was very good about it. She was hurt at first, but i DO owe her closure for herself that even her ex-boyfriend thinks nothing is wrong with her. And that I loved her, and accepted ALL of her in the end. So that she could maybe get closure. I owe her that.


Forgiving for me, is not pointing the finger and say Its your fault. Its just letting go. I explained this to her, my words aren't exactly perfect. I do the best I can in this circumstance. I let go, of her, and the anger. By giving her space.

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