Life and death all the same.

[Deathly]

Hi.

 

I'm new to this websight but I'm not sure were else to go with my problems.

It's not like me to dump my problems onto others but my burdon is becoming unbearable.

 

Well here I go, any help advice or councle will be highly apreceated.

 

...Were to begin......

 

I'm nineteen, all my life I have had vurtualy no friends, more so becouse of my environment, I live in a crime filled nebrohood with my foster parents who are dieing age eighty one and eighty four.

 

There minds are slowly fadeing and theay curse me and everything I do for no reason.

 

This combined with no friends,girlfriend or otherwise any love or compashon

is starting to weigh me down on a bitter and nightmareish level.

 

My coworkers do drugs, I don't I'm so diverse compared to everyone I reach out to that I'm allienated by most.

 

Everything in my life is totaly backwerds, I have a job a convertable a house in my name a fiftyone inch flat screen.... "sigh"

 

I have everything except friendship or a safe place to go to for recreation... sadly it's ben this way for my whole life.

 

void of allmost all socal or human contact except for ocasonaly allmost being muged and avoiding druges at night,I talk to prople try to make dates and meet up with others I find intresting but everyone allways stiffs me, there is litarly nowere for me to go for recreation or fun, I have tryed allmost everything my resourses alow and I refuse to waste away in my house.

 

I could move out..... but to were...

The thought of haveing even one friend is so unrealistic to me it seems like ficton.

 

There is some of my horror ... or thats how I see it anyway, this is my life I could add more.

 

But I'll leave it at that for now.

 

This is how I live.

 

I go out all the time, I talk to people try to have fun.

But I can't make any friends,never had a girl friend in my life, ben void of parents...geesh.

 

I'm thinking of joining the Air force.

I guess this is what I want help with I dont know.

 

I just need someone to talk to.

 

 

Someone/something other than the frail cynical dyeing life I live and see around me.

 

I want to join the air force becouse I will have a beater home,retire early... if I dont die.

Meet new people.

 

I dont know at least I wont be here wasteing away on my free time.

My life will have meaning defending the one thing I can't seem to find.

 

"laughing"

Yea .... I dnon't know what to do.

 

If I join I could be killed in war... or half to kill others but at least I wont be here in this fancy prison that somehow came to be my resting place.

Even if I die a least I'll be acompaneyd by the screams of my fellow comrads,

at lest then it will feal like somebodey else is out there that way I wont die alone.

 

I try to be thankful that I'm alive every day.... I try to.

But things are starting to crush me and I cant give up.

 

This all must sound stupid... but yea.

 

This is my curent state of mind, breef history and plans.

 

I don't want pity.

Just an ear, a friendly soul for a change to give me some advice... if posable.

 

I have gone to councleing theay told me that I'm not manic depresive but becouse of being isolated for so long it is starting to make my out look grim.

 

But all he could do is offer me his servaces, I don't cry much...I'm not gredy..

least I don't think so.

 

But I don't know if you could only live a life in my shoues...then you could see.

The filthy streets with drug dealers,the dieing people in this house.

I can't even remotly put into words the pain I feal it's like death and life are the same.

 

Any insight,difrent ways out,thoughts, opinons or ideas?

 

Well..... thats all I have, times fadeing and I have work tomorow, hopefuly.

 

Somebody will respond.

 

Hope this dosent sound to hopeless.

[mgirl]

Deathly,

 

If you are alone, you have come to the right place. Hopefully here, you can get the support you need until you change your situation.

 

First, living in the area... you have a house and a convertable in your name... surely you can sell these to move out, and move to a better place. I'm sure there are plenty of other, more civilised places in the country you live in. I'm not sure whether it's in America, but i am sure there are better places to live there. Perhaps some people here could suggest more civlised areas.

 

In regards to your foster parents, as much as they have probably looked after you, you are not a minor anymore, so (i imagine), would be free to do what you want. I know this sounds terrible, but they are not your problem anymore. If they are old and cynical, maybe it's about time there were admitted to an aged care facility? You are not their carer are you?

 

Thirdly, i don't know about the Air Force. I see your point of view in relation to this, but i don't think you should choose a career just out of loneliness. You sound like a pretty intelligent guy (i'm assuming you're a guy), capable of anything you try, and you have thus far survived in a drug-filled neighbourhood, so that says a lot about your character.

 

Now, i am going to start the "life is what you make it" schpeel. My best friend, when i was younger, lived in a ghetto and we used to get chased home from the bus stop. Well, now he is a hairdressor and works in one of the most prestigious salons in our city. So, if he can do it, so can you.

 

Anyhow, let us know how you get on. I think the most important thing though is to move out of where you live, because that really does impact on how you feel about everything. My bet would be that when you are in better surroundings, you will be able to move forward with much more ease.

[Deathly]

That was a quick response, Mgirl.

 

Thank you.

 

Yes I have contemplated, moveing....

I supose thats were the problem lays.

 

I'm afrade to leave them, becouse I'm not sure how much time theay have left.

 

I didnot even realise it, deep inside this is the only reason I can see, as for selling my car..... I may do that... but I'm going to think veary hard about the airforce.

 

 

It would solve most of my problems, not only out of lonleyness but becouse I will have more to do in my life.

 

Though you are right...life is what you make it. ~"holy bible" all things come to pass.~

 

But I have more thinking and searching to do.

 

The fact that you're talking to me alone helps.

 

Thank you.

 

I'll keep you updated on my situaten and wether I join and how it gos.

 

I do agree, I'm satisfyed with everything in my life except the fact that I hate were I live and the absense of friends and famly in my life.

 

Perhaps if I move things will be beater.... I'm just not sure if there is such a thing as a beater place, everyone tells me that eveeryplace is going to be just like this one.... but I CAN'T BELEAVE THAT.

 

It hurts me so horably clinging to that fact becouse giveing up could be so easy.. but I just don't know were I would even move to.

 

I am in the usa.

 

So anyplace is an option, I'm geting to the point were I'll except my losses as I half to eather move on or face mental and spertiual death.

 

Agan with the airforce.. If I did join I could trancfer to wherever I wish in the world.

 

But my only concern is dyeing before I at least make one real friend.

 

Trivel but none the less it has become a goal that has be drilled into my mind.

[mgirl]

Well, Deathly, even if you stay, you say your foster parents are nearing death, so hopefully it won't be too long! I don't mean to sound harsh, i am sitting here laughing because i don't know how else to say it, but either way, it sounds like (hopefully) your sacrifice won't be for too much longer. I also think it's admirable that you are staying for them, i really do.

 

In regards to the Air Force, i don't know much about it. The only thing that concerns me about military style jobs is the lack of options you have after them. I have often read on other forums about people having trouble re-locating in the real world, as 'civilians', and trying to find employment. The most important things in life are to have a career and to get married (and to have friends).

 

An option you can consider if you join the Air Force is to use it to study a degree or something. Then, if you ever want to retire, you have some skills that will place you well in the real world.

 

Try not to be disheartened about your situation right now. You would be surprised how much actually happens in life.

 

You will be okay, i know you will. You are a positive person.

 

Perhaps when you start to work more, or join the Air Force, you will meet more people and make more friends.