Sorta came out to a friend today but chickened out..

[KIDD]

This morning my friend called me or whatever & we were talking. We had a good conversation & we got into the subject of girls. He was talking about all of the cute girls he see at his college or whatever. So I was basically tired of it. I've been thinking alot lately how I was going to come out to my friends & I feel like I'm closer to coming out everyday.

 

So I made up a fake scenario to test him to see what his response was. I basically told him that I went out yesterday with a gay friend who was a female & her girlfriend. I told him how much fun we had. He was about to bash them but I stopped him. I changed it on him & I told him that I am really cool with gay people & I can accept them for them. I also made up the fact that she came out to me recently & I always thought she was straight. I told him just because I find out she's gay doesn't change our friendship, I wouldn't look at her differently. Shocking thing was, he said he felt the same way!!! He didn't say much on the subject though.. he got real quiet & he changed the subject real fast back to the girl he was talking about. I was hinting to him about my sexuality but I couldn't get the guts quite yet to tell him I was gay. At one point I gave him a response & I asked him if I could tell him something, he replied with a what is it? So on the phone it went dead silent & my stomach literally dropped. I covered it up & told him a funny joke! I was so close but I chickened out!

 

So, I feel it's getting easier each & everyday getting closer to coming out to friends. Even though he said he felt the same way about my views on homosexuality. I wonder how different he'd feel if I told him right there that I was gay?? I mean would his opinion change or would he say, ok it's cool man! I'm still here for you.I have the feeling that he won't react pretty well if I came out to him. I don't want him to think I am hitting on him or anything.

[FoxLocke]

Don't pressure yourself, Kidd. I think it is a slow and tedious process for everyone. At this point I have just stopped worrying myself about it. When the time comes, and it will come, just grab hold of the oppurtunity.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I am sliding back into the closet myself. It seems like my sexuality is a secret from EVERYONE around me. With the exception of : My cousin, my lesbian friend, and my dog everyone thinks I'm straight. I just carry myself as a normal average Joe blow. But, that is who I am. I am still the same person, and I just look at as this unique facet of myself...Sometimes I actually think I'm cool because I'm gay...lol...If that makes any sense.

 

Anyway, now that I have taken to taking my own advice I would say to not even worry about. If your friend talks about girls long enough and realizes that you are not reciprocating then he is going to put 2 and 2 together.

 

The only people I really would realize that I'm gay are cute gay guys that I'm attracted to! lol.

[KIDD]

Sometimes, I feel like I am sliding back into the closet myself. It seems like my sexuality is a secret from EVERYONE around me. With the exception of : My cousin, my lesbian friend, and my dog everyone thinks I'm straight. I just carry myself as a normal average Joe blow. But, that is who I am. I am still the same person, and I just look at as this unique facet of myself...Sometimes I actually think I'm cool because I'm gay...lol...If that makes any sense.

 

Anyway, now that I have taken to taking my own advice I would say to not even worry about. If your friend talks about girls long enough and realizes that you are not reciprocating then he is going to put 2 and 2 together.

.

I think he's already put 2 & 2 together. He hasn't called since that day we've talked which is fine by me. It's hard but I want to stop living a lie. I think it's good that I've grown away from the old so called friends I got. Hardly anybody calls me anymore & I'm finding myself spending more and more time alone, which I don't mind but it gets lonely sometimes, even when I am occupied & I don't have anybody to do anything with. Whenever my new friends come along, if they ever will. I think I'll let them know right off the bat about my sexuality. This way, they'll know everything about me & there will be no secrets, at least not on my part.

 

So now, another lonely night, I'll watch some tv to take my mind off of things & perhaps read an article or something off of the internet.I'm confused, is there such a thing as friends?? No one seems to be interested in me or even want to do anything with me for that matter. I'd just like to have more of a social life & I want friends who'll accept me for me. I'm trying so hard to take my mind off of things & I'm reading books, & I'm excercising & everything but in the end, I'm still not happy & I'm always alone & no one seems to care which frustrates me.. No matter how hard I try. It's something that just never ends. I always get to this depressed stage, no matter how hard I try to get out of it. I always seem to get in a funk on a Friday night..

[FoxLocke]

I think he's already put 2 & 2 together. He hasn't called since that day we've talked which is fine by me. It's hard but I want to stop living a lie. I think it's good that I've grown away from the old so called friends I got. Hardly anybody calls me anymore & I'm finding myself spending more and more time alone, which I don't mind but it gets lonely sometimes, even when I am occupied & I don't have anybody to do anything with. Whenever my new friends come along, if they ever will. I think I'll let them know right off the bat about my sexuality. This way, they'll know everything about me & there will be no secrets, at least not on my part.

 

 

Completely understandable. If he is willing to trash a friendship over something as minute as your sexuality then he wasn't a friend to begin with.

I agree with with letting people know your sexuality upfront(only if it comes up in a conversation)when making new friends. When I have officially severed the ties with my current surroundings(college, family, and OLD friends)that is what I am going to do. I want my life to be about TRUTH. Lies and deceit have caused me nothing but misery...

However, and this is my opinion, you should try calling him up. I would do it just to make sure that that was INFACT the reason he is not calling you. Just give him the benefit of the doubt for a minute before casting a final judgement...

 

So now, another lonely night, I'll watch some tv to take my mind off of things & perhaps read an article or something off of the internet.I'm confused, is there such a thing as friends?? No one seems to be interested in me or even want to do anything with me for that matter. I'd just like to have more of a social life & I want friends who'll accept me for me. I'm trying so hard to take my mind off of things & I'm reading books, & I'm excercising & everything but in the end, I'm still not happy & I'm always alone & no one seems to care which frustrates me.. No matter how hard I try. It's something that just never ends. I always get to this depressed stage, no matter how hard I try to get out of it. I always seem to get in a funk on a Friday night..

 

Trust me, it will all get better, eventually. This is a transition stage for you. When I graduated highschool I never saw ANY of my friends after that.

It was easier for me because I hated highschool so much that I was happy to leave behind each and every single vestige of it...Including them. However, when I saw them again at my class reunion I realized that it was for the best. I have NOTHING in common with any of them anymore.

 

My point is: People grow up and grow apart. If you stop growing you are dead, basically. Different people are there for us at different times during life...And we go through these different periods as well in our growth process.

 

So, look at it that way. You are becoming a better person for this. It may not seem like it now but you are.

[Prufrock06]

Hey Kid,

 

You should be proud of yourself that you got so close to telling your friend about your sexuality -- even though you "chickened out", at least you're starting to feel comfortable talking about the subject with other people. I chickened out too this past month in trying to tell my grandparents and aunt and uncle about my being gay -- so it really just depends on the person and the situation as to whether it's going to be more easy or more difficult in coming out.

 

If your friend has put 2 and 2 together, then that's fine. To echo FoxLocke's advice, if he gives you a hard time or avoids you, then he really wasn't an honest, true friend to begin with.

 

I understand your problems with being alone, and I get that way sometimes too. It's 11:42 in the morning when I'm writing this, I've just listened to a phone message from my crush, and I'm feeling a bit of the same loneliness pangs that you were last night. But as cliched as it sounds, things are definitely going to look up for you as soon as you leave high school behind and head off to college. I'm kind of in the same boat you are, in the sense that I'm leaving college behind for the "real world" and I'm concerned about making new friends, etc. But I think in the end, things will work out fine for the both of us. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, Kid. I'm not too worried about your future.

[KIDD]

Hey, well my friend did call me today & we even went out to the movies.Yet again he was talking about girls! It's so draining me & infact annoying, I guess if I was straight.. I would enjoy the talk LOL.He showed me his yearbook & showed me all of the girlfriends he had, I started to yell out.. Can't you see I don't care!!!! LOL. Not trying to sound mean but it gets tiring of people talking about something I have no interest in 24/7! I guess he didn't put anything together or maybe he did, I don't know. Prufrock06,Foxlocke.. you both had good advice to help me think. I guess things will get better but I hope it's soon.I can't wait until college starts in the spring.. I hope it will be a different ball park from high school!

 

 

Man, I hate going to this mall that's near us because everyone I graduated High school with are always there & it just brings back painful memories of high school.Anyway, that's where my friend wanted to see this movie at today.Everyone is so stuck up, people saw me but they acted like they didn't want to talk to me or maybe it's just me being paranoid. Let me just put it like this, if I didn't go out of my way to say hey or whatever, they basically would have glanced & kept walking on.I really hate going out but since my friend wanted to go out so bad & I couldn't say no.. I had no choice but to say oh what the heck!

 

I like to go out but then I don't. It seems like I always end up feeling paranoid or wondering what people think about me, or I feel like people are talking about me or something. I know it's making me sound crazy.Then, it's like I'm always invincible.. I'd like for people to notice me. Why do I feel the need to want attention? I don't know.I really like for a cute boy to just come up & talk to me but I never seem to attract anybody. Basically I'm getting tired of people's views on me & I guess with all of the drama I went through back in school has made me alone & bitter. I had alot of instances in high school where people didn't like me just because of who I am, not necessarily in a gay sense because I wasn't out, but either I wasn't cool enough or interesting enough. I know I shouldn't focus on what people think but I'm tired of always getting the short end of the stick.I am the nicest & most thoughtful person you can meet, but it seems like I always get ignored or mistreated. Oh well...

 

I'm sorry to complain so much but I'm tired of so many judgemental people, & all of the wrong things going on in the world. I just wish it was more peaceful & intact I guess I can say..

[pianoguy]

Hey, well my friend did call me today & we even went out to the movies.Yet again he was talking about girls! It's so draining me & infact annoying, I guess if I was straight.. I would enjoy the talk LOL.He showed me his yearbook & showed me all of the girlfriends he had, I started to yell out.. Can't you see I don't care!!!! LOL. Not trying to sound mean but it gets tiring of people talking about something I have no interest in 24/7! I guess he didn't put anything together or maybe he did, I don't know.

 

Dude... Why don't you just tell him? Is it really that big a deal? I mean, what is the absolute worst thing that could happen? Next time he does that just start picking out the hot guys in the yearbook.

 

I guess things will get better but I hope it's soon.I can't wait until college starts in the spring.. I hope it will be a different ball park from high school!

 

College is usually much better than highschool in every possible way- first it's more acceptable to be gay (usually), people are more mature about their sexuality, and people are just generally nicer and smarter. I don't know anyone straight or gay that didn't like college more than highschool. Do pick a good college though- not a Christian one like I did.

 

I'm sorry to complain so much but I'm tired of so many judgemental people, & all of the wrong things going on in the world. I just wish it was more peaceful & intact I guess I can say..

 

Aww- don't worry, it does get better. Highschool really does suck. There are many cool straight people out there who will love you regardless of your sexuality. Surround yourself with these people, and as for everyone else, f*** them. There's too many incredibly awesome people in this world to waste your time worrying about losers and bigots.