Is this normal?

[chigal28]

This might seem like a weird question, but here goes.

 

Usually when I get into a relationship, they progress very quickly, and within about two weeks, I'm spending almost every day with the person, if not every day. My last relationship was extremely unhealthy for me, in that I basically moved in with him (still keeping my old apt but a LOT of my stuff was there and I stayed there every night) after about a week and a half...and completely lost my identity and sense of self. BAD news!

 

About a month ago, I started dating my best guy friend, and so far things are going GREAT. I wasn't sure if we'd have an awkward period, feeling things out with the new situation, but it wasn't that way--it was a very smooth transition, and it's like the awesome friendship we had before only with a lot of chemistry. I walk around smiling all the time, and my creativity at work since this started has been at an all-time high....definitely brings out the best in me.

 

We agreed to take things slow, and we have...we've said I love you, but that's basically how things kicked off--we figured out that over the past six months or so, we had been falling in love with each other and finally recognized it. BUT we've gone very slow physically--so far just wonderful kissing, which makes me feel like I'm back in high school (in a good way!!), and we only see each other maybe once during the week and on weekends. For possibly the first time since high school (10 years ago!!), I absolutely cherish my time alone with myself and with those friends, and don't feel a NEED, or even a strong desire, to see him every night. We talk on the phone most nights when we're not together, but I don't MISS him horribly when we're apart...I just look forward to seeing him again and feel very calm, peaceful and joyful at what we've found...and when we're together I'm reluctant to part.

 

My question is.....is that ok?? Could this maybe be healthy? Do we have to miss someone terribly on the days we don't see them for it to be true love? I'm not saying I don't miss him at all or look forward to seeing him, and I get butterflies whenever we talk. I just feel like I wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it jumped up and bit me in the...you know. I've been in so many of the opposite!!!!

[Cyberchick]

It sounds like a good relationship to me... I don't think not missing him is a big deal... you already know each other, you were already best friends and like you said, you already know you are going to each other. I wouldn't fret.

 

In regards to not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like, i know what you mean. I see a lot of myself in you and this is why I'm single. Hopefully this relationship will be different for you, but if you have noticed definite patterns in the way you conduct yourself in relationships that are unhealthy, it might not be a bad idea to get some help from a therapist. It might seem like they have gone away ( and hopefully they have ) but patterns have unexpected ways of manifesting themselves and can sabotage the good relationships. Frankly I don't think patterns magically disappear unless you make a conscious effort to change them. You don't have to break up with this guy, but be weary of moving too fast because you already know you do this. ( I'm speaking from experience here ) And again I would reccommend talking to someone like a relationship councellor.

Have fun, you sound happy. I'm jealous but happy for you.

[Cyberchick]

And no question is weird, just so you know.

[annie24]

I think it sounds totally healthy. I'm in a similar situation right now. I think slow is good. Maybe you're not missing him much because you know you'll see him soon and that he's there for you if you ever need him. Maybe you don't miss him because you feel secure?

 

It's a good sign that this relationship is different from your failed ones. This bodes well for you!!! good luck!

[chigal28]

Cyberchick and Annie, thanks for your replies and well-wishes. Things continue to progress very well, and Annie, I think you're absolutely right that I truly believe that he is there for me and that I KNOW I will see him again soon. It's really nice to feel so secure for a change!!

[Itsok]

Don't worry, what you feel is completely normal and healthy. You don't have to go crazy missing someone every moment to be in love with them.

The calmness and security you feel in this relationship shows it's for real.