Friends are confusing me...

[Pikey1972]

Hello again all,

 

Well, Day 3 of NC and things are going reasonably well.

 

That is...until some friends of mine started telling me to contact my ex and have a good long chat with him to tell him exactly how I feel...

 

I love my friends dearly and usually welcome their advice, but this is throwing me off course a little. They know my ex reasonably well and think he may be receptive.

 

I'd prefer to continue NC however, as I'm pretty sure he'll contact me if he really wants to try again.

 

Aarghhh, this is hard work!

 

Sorry folks, just posting here to stop myself from doing something I may regret...

 

I know my ex will be in town tomorrow to see a film, and I'm SOOOO tempted to turn up.

 

I NEED TO BE STOPPED!!!!

[Pikey1972]

In their opinion, it's better to "try and fail" than "never to try at all".

 

I just don't know: I thought the note explained everything clearly....maybe I should have spoken to him face-to-face after all...

 

Hmmm...this is harder than I thought...

[RayKay]

Stay strong Pikey....you were in contact with him for 3+ months after you broke it off, he KNOWS how you feel, he KNOWS how to contact you if he chooses to, he KNOWS where you are.

 

Let me guess, these friends were female? I tend to notice female friends are much more likely to encourage each other to "give him time" and "phone him and tell him how you feel" and "maybe he is just really busy and shy and nervous and hurt". Male friends tell it more like it is.

 

You know how that whole "He's Just Not Into You" thing started? The guy was a writer for Sex & The City, and during a discussion one day with female coworkers talking about some guy whom had not called, they were all telling her to be patient, give him time, the author spoke up and said that. And explained it. And that is why it got written into the script and he wrote a book. Then of course went on to write others! Maybe "It's called a breakup because it is broken" would be good to pass around to your friends!

 

What good is a good long chat with him at this point? He knows you care/love him. He has not suddenly forgotten. He knows where you are. He knows if he wanted you back he should contact you. And heck, it should not be so easy for him anyway.

 

This is about YOU Pikey, this is about YOU moving on and healing. So that no matter what happens, you are in a strong place for yourself. If he decides he made the biggest mistake of his life...HE WILL COME BACK on his own and let you know. And you will be prepared to decide if YOU accept that or not and it's right. If he does not, well, honey you are already in a good place and on your way to healing.

 

Stay strong. Do NOT break it.

 

Stop doubting yourself, he DOES know how you feel. You told him. He knows. There is no need to remind him. It just comes accross as desperate and a little obsessive.

[Pikey1972]

Many thanks Ray Kay, this is exactly what I needed to hear!

 

Yes, these friends are female!

 

Pikey

[RayKay]

Many thanks Ray Kay, this is exactly what I needed to hear!

 

Yes, these friends are female!

 

Pikey

 

Ah, yeah, they mean well, but most female friends I have had tend to try and support one another with positive affirmations and outcomes, and since females tend to talk things out (ie about feelings) with one another to resolve things/conflicts with each other, sometimes it is assumed doing the same will work in all cases. Which is really not the case, especially not in this case!

 

Stick to your own advice and gut feeling:

 

 

I'd prefer to continue NC however, as I'm pretty sure he'll contact me if he really wants to try again.

[Pikey1972]

Thanks again RayKay - his e-mail address is still blocked, so I'm hanging in there!

 

(I blocked his e-mail address to stop myself obsessively checking my e-mails. He has my phone number, he knows where I live!).

[Outofoptions]

Pikey

 

I stayed friends with my ex and then went NC on her cause I couldn't do the friends thing. This was the week before christmas..so lots of temptation to call/text her. Managed to get through it and in the end she called me and said she'd made a mistake and she wanted to try again. Unfortunately to other circumstances we had to go NC again. So it took her over 2 weeks for it to dawn on her that she made a big mistake.

 

I'm not saying it'll happen that way for you but continue doing NC it does get easier and after staying friends its does open up their eyes to life without you.

[Pikey1972]

Many thanks Outofoptions - I'll try not to get my hopes up ... The best thing about NC is that I'm gradually beginning to feel better and focus on myself.

 

I must admit LC really got my hopes up, especially after Christmas when my ex rang within an hour of me returning home from visiting my dad. He also made a special effort to come over on New Year's Eve to plant two trees for me which he'd bought.

 

Thanks again for your message - again, I'll try not to get my hopes up, I'm only on Day 4 so it's early days.

 

Also, can't believe I'm counting the days of NC! ;-)

[curlygirl47]

I'm on day 10 and it's terrible. I'm about to call up a guy I dated casually last year and see if he wants to go to the beach this weekend because I am dreading the weekend so badly. I'll have to tell him up front that I'm not interested in anything long-term, but if he'd like to get out of town for a few days, we could keep each other company. We'll see. I have to contact the ex on Tuesday because I owe him money, but I'll do it by mail with only a thank you, if I can keep it down to that.