What should I do?

[BlazinSham]

Ok. Here is the story.

 

I dated a girl in high school from November 21st, 1999 - February 11th, 2001.

 

We broke up and she wanted nothing to do with me. We had a class together our senior year and while things were still touchy with us, we got along for the most part. She got into a lot of things I wouldn't approve of during her senior year (parties, weed, etc.). Anyway, she moved into an apartment with some people after high school and we didn't talk for about 10 months.

 

Out of the blue we end up contacting eachother and we I meet up with her at the apartment an we start to hang out more and more. She was engaged to a guy in the Navy, who I met and liked alot, but they called it off. We were friends for about a year when she got another boyfriend who was a complete idiot. She ended up getting pregnant. Right away she dropped ALL bad habits she had and started to become a mom. She is clean to this day. That was awesome. Anyway, he choked her and threw her down when she was 7 months pregnant. She called me crying so I showed up, kicked his butt, had him arrested, and took her to the hospital to make sure she and the baby were ok. They were. We talked about the problems with her boyfriend and possible solutions.

 

2 months go by and I get a call at 2am that she is in the hospital having the baby and she wanted me there. So I went there and she had the baby. Beautiful baby girl. After that, all of her friends abandoned her. She had no one. She would have NEVER said this before, but she told me that I was her best friend and flaunted it in front of people which made me feel really good.

 

A few months after the baby was born she finally ditched that loser. She was upset because she felt that she would never find the right guy. I kept reassuring her she would (while I secretly wished she would come back to me because I'd take better care of her). She met a new guy. She wanted me to meet him. So I met him. Thought he was a really great guy. Nice, polite, etc. But then she told me that she found out he had a dirty habit. He snorted heroine. I told her she needed to get away from him, this and that, but she really liked him. She was convinced that he had quit. Now I know that you don't just 'quit' heroine. Her and I got jobs together at a store (February thru April '05). We had fun, but I didn't want to hear about him. She would get mad at me if I voiced a concern I had for her. After all, I have ALWAYS been there for her and thought that she would respect my opinion. And I was being fair.

 

Anyway, we remaind REALLY good, close friends. She set a wedding date and asked me to be there. I told her I couldn't. While I support her 100% in anything she does, I just couldn't do it. To be honest, it would break my heart.

 

She got married on New Years Day this year and I haven't called or really talked to her since. Two nights before the wedding I gave her a big hug and told her that she was my best friend and I loved her and wished her the best of luck with the wedding, give the baby a kiss on the head and left it at a good note that night. She called me last week, didn't talk about the wedding (i think she knows it upset me, so she at least gave me that courtesy) but told me about a job that was hiring. I'm a workaholic so I'm always looking for small jobs in between so she called to tell me about one. Was a nice little chat. Nothing out of the ordinary. But absolutely nothing about the wedding.

 

HERE IS MY PROBLEM

 

I have been over her for years. Had girlfriends after her, long relationships, etc. But recently (being the past few days) I'm falling for her all over again. I'm all anxious, constantly bouncing my knee, just sad and upset. Just in the past few months we would hang out all the time. Go shopping, out to eat, she'd come over with the baby and we would lay on the bed and talk or watch tv while the baby slept. Now we can't do that. Even as friends. It just hurts because this girl and her daughter have become such a big part of my life. She is so amazing. She had cancer when she was 14, had a baby, had rough times and great times, and I have been there for all of that. It honestly really hurts. I'm 22 years old now and just amazed that something from when I was 16 could come back to me. I was totally over her. Now everything is reminding me of her. I haven't felt this horrible since right after we broke up.

 

What should I do? I know I shouldn't tell her how I feel, but should I talk to her? What should I say? I'm so lost but need some answers.

[Darketernal]

Stop acting as an emotional crutch and get a life. Then you should stop digging your own grave like she is doing. Look how it adds up.

 

-she hooks up with abusive drug addicts.

-Gets pregnant from a guy who molests her.

-Falls in love and supports heroine addicts.

-broke up with you.

-she got MARRIED.

 

Tell me what more of a role do you have in this then being a support pillar for her? An emotional crutch whilst she goes dating and marrying other people. And goes whining on your lap when things go wrong, because of her stupid mistakes because hey , mr.blindinlove will always be there for her, if you haven't seen thru it let me snap you out of that balloon by now then.*slaps in your face* STOP KIDDING YOURSELF! She knows you are in love with her, thats why you are the perfect crutch, she only has to wink and you'll be there for her, instead of that say 'stop to here and no further' and show you have a life and a future of your own to live. Future with her? Not a chance in hell, despite what you want to believe she is MARRIED , if you want to keep torturing yourself by lurking at something that you will never posses, go ahead, but i advice you to stay away as far as possible as you can from this woman, not only because she is married, but also because beauty from the outside doesn't mean sanity from the inside. You don't want to be with a woman who you'll be second best, you want a woman that considers you as her nr.1. Step out of the utopia , snap out of it. Even if she does become available again, you should have acted sooner (in the shop you should have asked her out) Otherwhise it's gonna be deja vu all over again.