Still talks to EX....HELP

[appygirl]

First of all, this relates to a lesbian relationship that I am in....but I am having trust issues and need advice:

Hi everyone.

 

I am currently with another woman whom I am crazy about. We got together several months ago and I still had no idea that I liked women. Long story short, I was straight (or thought I was). So I got to like her alot and then all the sudden she just abruptly stopped seeing me. She started dating another girl and that lasted for about a month. All that time I was sooooo hurt and depressed like no other. It all came down to me figuring out that I really liked her and wanted to be with her. She FINALLY told me one day that the reason she moved on to another person was because our relationship had to be super secret (I was still not sure what I wanted). So since she is "out" and proud of it, it got to hard to be with me and have to hide everything. SO basically I told her that I want to be with her and that things will change if she were to get back with me. I am ready to show my love for her and allow it to be public and so on. I have even told my family. So my question is that she still talks to the ex...the one she just broke it off with...I am scared and nervous about this. I want to trust her but I just cant, everytime I cant get a hold of her or something my mind races, I think that she is doing something with another person. I am all about having friends outside the relationship but with the ex is a hard one.....what should I do? I dont want to smother her by calling all the time and bugging her.... I need advice

[novaseeker]

A couple of things.

 

First, she ... may be a bit nonplussed about her earlier experience with you because of your own sexual orientation situation. It's challenging to be with someone who is not out, it creates a lot of tension and risks for the person who is out. Do you know if this other woman was an out lesbian or bisexual woman? She may be speaking with her as a means of support, for example, in trying to decide how to proceed with you.

 

Second, how are you coming along in terms of your own sexual identity? If you thought you were straight a few months ago, where do you think you're at now? Do you have a solid grasp of it? It's a good thing to consider and try to get a clear picture on before going back into a full blown relationship mode again.

 

Third, on the trust issue ... it's very important to have trust. It's a cliche, but it's just really hard to have a relationship where you are very untrusting of what the other person is doing. Now, of course, the fact that she is having very close contact with this other woman is quite trying. Why not have a conversation with her about that? I think it's not asking too much for someone to cool it on contact with a recent ex, because emotions often are still at play at that stage ... and ... that brings up the next point ...

 

Fourth, how ready do you think she is for another go with a relationship with you? Do you have a sense of what happened with this other woman? Was it just a few dates, or was it the beginnings of a relationship? Is she ready to get back into another relationship right now? What does she really feel about this other woman?

[Chris8038]

Would you ever be willing to participate in one?

 

 

I am male and don't like the idea of them particularily!