Ex Sending Text Messages

[numb-uk]

Sorry, this is a lot longer than I thought it would be..

 

I broke up with my ex at the end of November last year. We were living together, then one day (after I had been out for the night for a works function) she just changed. Her eyes were weepy, she looked like something terrible had happened and during the day it seemed like there was no way for me to comfort her. On the way home from work that evening she told me she was going to move out, we had made a lot of future plans before this so it all came as a bit of a shock. And to be honest, I was under the impression something had 'happened' the night before.

 

Anyway, 3 weeks later she has moved out and on one of the first nights she moved out I found out she had lied to me about going out with her girlfriends and was out for drinks with another man (apparently someone she had slept with in the past). So, I broke up with her. She did explain herself.. the thing is I could see she was lying, I could sense it but I think my brain just really wanted to believe it in order to save myself the hurt. Somehow after all of this I became the dumpee rather than the dumper.

 

She said she might feel different about things in a few weeks and strung me along for a bit, allowing me to make a bit of a fool out of myself, being convinced I wanted her back.

 

Just a few days after she had told me she wasnt going to change her mind, she was sleeping with another man.

 

After all that I broke all contact. It hurt like hell that she was doing this, but I think in some ways it has helped me let go. I am also now convinced she has cheated on me during the end part of our relationship, it may not be true, but she has lied so much to me that I wouldnt believe anything she has said to the contrary. I'd never be able to accept her back.

 

I've come a long way since then, I've spent a lot of time improving things about myself, keeping on top of everything in my life and I rarely feel the urge to drink anything outside of a social situation. Generally I feel a lot happier and a lot more confident now.

 

I had to email my ex a few weeks ago because she still owed me some money. I know she cant afford to pay me much each month and I dont want to have to receive money from her for the next 6-8months or so, so I've let her off quite a large proporation of it - as much as I could afford, considering my finances are only just readjusting to living alone. She said she would set up the payments. That was quite a relief.

 

 

Anyway, with regards to the text messages (finally!). I have received texts from her on a near weekly basis since I stopped contact. I havent really replied to any of them, most of them are her asking for some small favour from me and I dont believe I owe her anything of the sort.

 

Last night I received a text from her explaining that her pc (Which I gave her in the past) was not working, asking me to fix it for her "no fix - no money" she said. That certainly made me angry that she would do that. I think it might have just been to ensure I replied, but I wouldnt put it past her withholding that money. So I replied trying to find out was wrong, turns out her keyboard had something spilt on it, so she needed to clean it or get a replacement - which I said I could provide.

 

A bit later, while I was using the new weights I've acquired, I got another text from her saying she has 'cysts all over her, she hates them, but doesnt think it is cancer'. She then attempted to call me twice but I didnt answer. Then another text is sent 'Thanks for the help, I'm going to cut the lump out myself now'. I replied to this telling her to go and see a doctor to put her mind at ease, that I was going to bed and wished her good night.

 

I went to bed, and while I was drifting off I received another message from her saying she was going to go to the doctor the next day and asking if I would come with her. I deliberated on this for a while, but I did come to the conclusion that maybe no-one else would be there for her, she certainly knows how to burn bridges. It wasn't out of any care specifically for her, but for another human being, if you like, that I replied and told her, if she really needed me there, I guess I would come. I thought I cant let pride get in the way of someone who truly is suffering.

 

This morning I received a text from her saying her computer keyboard was fixed. I replied with the doctors phonenumber and she replied to that with 'I'm not worried about that anymore'. I replied to that expressing how it would be good for her to put her mind at rest about this problem (which she has contacted me about in the past by the way) and she replies 'Dont wanna'.

 

 

It might sound heartless, but I am almost in the belief now, that she is playing one big game on me, resorting to anything to get my attention. She has lied to me in the past and I hate being caught up in all of this. I really dont know what to do with regard to all of this. I no longer have interest in being her friend, I can trust all the friends I've chosen and I have enough good ones to last me a lifetime but at the same time it feels so wrong to let someone down in their hour of need.

[Ms Omaniac]

I dont mean to sound callous so please dont be offended.

 

But to me...it sounds like this girl is still trying to string you along. it sounds like she misses someone that cares about her. she sounds like she is being selfish and is testing you to see if you care about her welfare or not. it seems you do and that is pretty much what she wanted to know to make herself feel better.

 

i hate how she also "makes" you fix things for her or you won't get your money. that sounds like emotional blackmail and it is forcing you to stay in her life in an emotional kinda way.

 

i had an ex that treated me awfully so i left him. after a few months...he realllllllllly missed how nice i was to him so he told me he had cancer. i felt awful for him so i started talking to him again. turns out he lied...but he wanted me to care about him again and he felt like if he had something awful health-wise...id be there for him again.

 

your situation just feels like de-ja-vu. and believe me...once i found out he lied...it was like GOD good riddance.

 

take care.

[DN]

Two possibilities: 1. she wants you to feel sorry for her so you will forgive the financial debt or 2. she wants you to feel sorry for he so you will forgive her cheating and to take her back (maybe both!!)

 

You should decide what you want before you ask her what she wants. But if you don't want her back you may be better off to write off the money and the relationship at the same time in order to save yourself a lot of trouble.

[numb-uk]

Thanks for the responses. I think the best thing for me to do from now on is just ignore her, hope but not expect to get my money back.

 

I dont want a relationship with her on any level and I dont see that changing for a long time.