sudden breakup

[luisangel1]

I hope some one can help me here on what happened, for over a year me and my wife have been dealing with the possibilties of mooving on with our lives and getting a divorce, we had acepted that we just had lost some things in our marriege that couldnt be fixed, I started seing some one 4 months ago and she was fully aware of the situation with my wife and that it was coming to a end soon, she started to mention that maby I should work things out and keep trying, I informed her that that things were just going to end soon , for soom reason she thought that she helped things move faster or it was her fault, anyway this last weakend she just desides to end things with the excuse that she was just tired of the things that were going on and that she did not want to deal with them any more, so ended the relationship, I was in shock because she was very loving and caring one day and a peroid of 2days just made this decion with no warning, well I just stared at her with disbelief and hug ged her told her I love her, and just left, I saw her at work after the break up and she wouldnt even talk to me,,, unbelievable, any way, any giedance and help understanding this behavior would be appreciated.

[darkblue]

Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

What you must understand is that being in a relationship with a married man is not easy.

She has made a decision that she thinks will help you - and let herself go of this confusion.

 

What is going on in regards to your marriage, now?

[luisangel1]

well , as far as my wife , the final paperwork is done and finalized, and guese , I will start my new life soon with out either one, I have gave it a lot of thought and just cant understand, when I figured she would be there to support me at the end, she just bailed out, I figured I new her well.

[darkblue]

It's very hard to be with someone who is going through a divorce.

It does not feel right, knowing that legally, the person you are seeing is with another woman.

 

The only thing you can do now is to give her time, and space - and see how she responds.

Until then, I suggest that you start getting over your wife! And start finding your feet as one. As you. Before you jump into relationships.

 

Take care.

[luisangel1]

I will do that, I think the time and space will be the determining factor, and maby thats what she wants also for me, I will get my life going soon as one and enjoy this great world and life we all have to be greatfull for.

[darkblue]

It could be a good thing for you. Realising who you are.

It's a difficult thing - coming out of a marriage. Losing all those feelings of security and happily ever after.

It is time to get back on your feet.

 

Good luck, and you know where I am.

[luisangel1]

thank you I will do that , but let me just add that my wife and I diidnt share a home for a year, I saw more of my girlfriend more than my wife, but anyway thanks again.

[darkblue]

I think it's more to do with the legal bond than emotional. It's hard to get your head around.

 

The most important thing now, is to give yourself that break and start soul-searching.

 

Take care.

[luisangel1]

yes and that I will, thank you ...you have been very helpful

[luisangel1]

well , yesterday at a company retirement ceromony, she sits next to me and , says can we keep being friends or she will have to quit her job, if we cant remain good friends. thats after a period of 5 days of no contact hell, any comments with this is appreciated.

[darkblue]

How do you feel about remaining friends?

Do you think it would be too difficult?

[luisangel1]

I think it would be hard fro me because up to the day before breakup she had shown me she loved me so, and I still do, but yesterday we both had to work on saturday and I basically had no contact with her, towards the end of the day I had to discuss some matters of work and then went to office and caught her starring at me and smiling, well any way I knew she had to work today sunday, so I wished her a good work day and she replied and you do same, It kinda took the tention off I guese, but I cant seem to get rid of the connection though I woke up,a lot calmer today, and more relaxed

[darkblue]

Here are your options:

 

Remain friends with her - knowing that you won't more. And hope that in time she will see that she wants more, too.

 

Go NC - put up with awkwardness and attempt to heal yourself.

 

Talk to her - tell her what you are feeling, and why you think it would be difficult. Talk it all out.

 

As the cliché goes: The choice, is yours.

[luisangel1]

the day she recommended that we have buetifulfrienship ,I was having some positive communication with her but her friend asked her to come inside for a minute and then she came back out crying and said that she didnt want to continue the conversation so I am really confused its like she wants to be friends but , can talk with you only when I feel like it heck I dont know , its confusing me

[darkblue]

You're right to be confused. It is a confusing situation.

 

Give yourself time to think things through, without jumping to any decisions without thinking of the consequences.

 

Remember that it was HER who asked to remain friends - so she must want to.

 

If you remain friends, you may not have anything romantic between you - ever. And that could hurt you, if it's what you want.

You might have to see her with other men, and she could even ask you your opinion on her relationship issues, which would hurt if you weren't over her.

 

If you go NC, it will be hard as you work together - and she might feel rejected.

You may also never know what COULD have happened, had you kept in contact.

 

If you choose to talk things over, well, who knows?

Depends how she feels about you, now.

[luisangel1]

well , tomorrow is another day so I will continue to live life the best I can , I will see where this takes me,, in the mean time i will just remain relaxed and see how things playout , and concentrate on me as best I can.

[darkblue]

Good luck.

[luisangel1]

Well what a crazy day, she desides that she has to talk to me , and that this has been on her mind , to the point that it has her going crazy, so i say ok lets talk, wel she say that she doesnt want to hurt me but she has to tell me something , so by now , I am like well then tell me and get it out of way,, so she tells me that she ran into the guy she lived with before and had kicked out and now is confused because she doesnt know what to do, so iam like in between not laughing and what the heck is this about , any way I say to her whats the confusion about , it should be plain and simple , because I am not here to compete with any one if you want to continue our relationship as we left it you know how I was, well she now says well it isnt that easy beause I had buetifull moments with both of you, well I said well your going to have to figure this out but I think you have made your desision, and she says no I havent thats the problem,, any way I just told her that if she wants to talk about it she knows how to get ahold of me and left it at that,,,, anybody have any insite on this

[darkblue]

I am utterly bewildered as to why she would tell YOU about running into another guy, and how she is now torn between you!

 

Leave her for now, and let her make a decision.

Time and space.

[luisangel1]

well me too, but one of her reasons for telling me as she puts it is that she didnt want anyone telling me that she was seen with her ex, and I be hurt,,well I replied well then whats the confusion it seems to me that you have already made your decision, and she says thats the problem I havent and dont know what to do,,, any way I informed her that I was not going into some competition with some guy that supposivly was so bad she had to kick him out of the house and if she wanted to talk she knew how to get a hold of me of otherwise , I think she just plain confused about what she wants heck I dont know, I asked her how long had this been going on or did she really run into him and she said I didnt go looking for him, but had a talk with him and found out she had feelings for him also. well my friend is this something or what???? any way thats exacltly what I did leave her with her dicision and drive on.

[darkblue]

Ugh. What a woman!

 

I suppose she thought it better that you heard from her that she met her ex, as oppose to you finding out, and maybe getting annoyed about it. That's true - and shows that she's not doing this covertly; which is a good thing.

 

Time and space. Leave her to make a decision.

You don't want to be all over her, like "Pick me!" - that's just over-zealous.

But don't just disappear on her.

 

Good luck, buddy.

[luisangel1]

yep , either way I believe that she could have kept it to her self, about the making the decision about me and her ex, but for some reoson it just doesnt make sense to me , oh well I wish her the best of luck, theres is nothing more I can help her with , I am just going to contemplate the fact that if she has problems trying to figure out what to do then its best to stay away and let her make her own desicions, I think I had more to ofer than he did , but who am I to figure out the wanders of the human mind,,,,ha ha

[darkblue]

LOL.

 

You are right. There is nothing more you can do.

[luisangel1]

well things just get a little confusing, todayI ran into her at work and while I was getting some info from a coworker about a project I looked up while talking and she just like sticks her tungue out at me and I just stare at her like whats going on and she just smiles, well I finnished getting my briefing and she sort of bumps into me casually, any way as I was leaving , i looked into her eyes and she had a look that was sort of a thinking and miss you look , any way I didnt give it any thoughts dont want to get my hopes up and she was just tryng to be playfull, heck what do I know , any body that reads this can figure that at this point I have no Idea where this is going if any thing change.

[darkblue]

It sounds like she was being playfull.

 

Of course, you have to sort out in your own head, what you want to happen.

Do you want to get into a relationship with her again? Do you want to talk things out?

Are you over your wife?

 

Questions that only you can answer.