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Frustrated With myself.. Can't let her go. It seems hopeless.

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I 'm beginning to think it's hopeless for me.


It's been about a year and a half since my ex girlfriend of about two years broke up with me. I went through the stages of utter devastation and zero confidence. I got through them.


I learned a hell of a lot about myself, what I did wrong in the relationship. Why I was never happy with myself, and I took great steps to improve them, including counseling. I grew leaps and bounds and I'm such a better person today because of what happened and her leaving was my wake up call. We had some amazingly beautiful parts of our relationship but it was both of our first loves and neither of us was very secure with ourselves and that insecurity messed things up and though always loyal, we hurt eachother often near the end of our relationship. She loved me a lot and I know it was hard for her to accept the fact she wasn't happy in the relationship and to let me go.


The problem is though the pain and shock of her leaving is gone, I still love and miss her just as much as the day we broke up. I can't get over her and I've dated a lot of girls, had three relationships since then and each one only made me want her back even more. No one I dated came close to connecting with me like she did and I never felt anything even half as strong as I did for her. Now I'm so discouraged by women I don't even care. If they come I'll take it, if not. Who cares it's all been a pretty crappy experience to me. It's just I love her so much I just can't stop loving her. It's almost as if there's no room for love in my heart for anyone else and the fact that no one has even come close to connecting with me in the right ways doesn't help much either.


But I still think about her, dream about her, miss her and just can't get over the feelings and memories. My friends tell me I need to get over it and they don't understand that if I could I would but I don't know what to do.


I don't keep in contact with her at all. I chose N/C as advice from this board and now I'm wondering if I made a mistake. I'm hearing all the time about couples I know who kept in contact and got back together. Regardless I really feel hopeless. Sometimes I'm angry with myself for not being over her yet. Especially when I hink about the possibility that maybe she's over me by now. I just don't know what to do.

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Its not being hopeless. Heartbrake is diffent for every one. It could of took you two months to get over her , or it could take a few years. Its normal to still love and miss her, if it was a close relationship , you'll always have a place for her in your heart. Trust me , I've been through what your going throw. Me and my ex broken up a year last july and i still love him as much as i did then, but I moved on. She'll always have a place in your heart. But she migth not be the one. And if she is , time will bring you back together. Don't let your love forr your ex , keep you from maybe a great relationship with another woman. Don't compare the two. Beacuse if you do , you'll fall into the same pattern you dicribed below. I really hope you consider my advice, its what help me move on.

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Hi Ray,

I really feel for you....I know getting over a loved one is SOOOO hard and painful especially if you loved that person with all your heart. I'm going through one right now, and I'm a wreck. I don't know your whole story...but have you tried reaching out to her before? If not, maybe you should give it a try...she might be waiting for you to contact her. I don't know if this is foolish advise....and I don't want to give you high hopes, but you never know, right??

Best of luck and whatever you decide to do you'll get through it and we'll be here for you.

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Thanks so much for caring to reply it means a lot to me.


We dated for over two years out of high school. We had a unique relationship in that we were two people who had a very mature outlook on life and thereforeeee we clicked. It was hard to have a relationship that was more mature than our age. breaking up at 19 was probably inevitable because of our inexperience at that age.


But we went through so much together, from her going through an intenseive invasive back surgery to a trip to Italy together.


I really really loved this woman, deeply in my heart, her radiance truly blinded me and she was a very very good hearted person. Very selfless too.


We were always loving, kind and affectionate to eachother, always loyal. Where things got complicated is that we both had insecurities. Both of us had anxiety disorders and I think we broght eachother down. Tiny squabbles would become more frequent and cause us both to spen a lot of time worrying about the realtionship. It was worse for her i believe. I did some things i regret (snapping at her or being moody periodically etc) as i'm sure she has regrets too. Eventually I think it was just to much for her to handle and when she's stressed she tends to be a runner.


We spoke maybe four times since the breakup and not for a year. She always wanted to remain friends but i could never see how that was possible. To this day i would love for er to be a part of my life but i just know it would be torture if i wanted back what we had and she didn't. I heard severl months ago she was dating someone and that crushed me. To my knowledge she's single agian though.


Maybe i should contact her, or maybe it would just be too weird.


I try and remain hopefull for somebody else but she was such a huge part of the three most important years of my life that i wonder if i could ever truly give so much to someone agian. Especially when all the women i've been meeting don't equal all that she was. I know it sounds like i'm being close minded but honestly it's the truth.


Thanks for listing though it does mean a lot.

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  • 4 weeks later...

You should never go into a relationship thinking it will work out just because it concerns your case. A woman can pack her bags and leave anyday. The only thing you can do is to cherish the love you had for her in your heart, and move on with your life like she has done. Pick up the pieces, glue them back together and move on with your life. Because your Thoughts can lead to indescribable suffering ,so think positive. Thoughts create the reality you live in, so Let positive thoughts and actions define your life. The meaning behind it all is that you can become a loving and helping person, who can identify problems look ahead and avoid them, as often life is like a mine field in which we can step on a wrong relationship and blow ourselves up. When this happens it was our own fault that the move we made wasn't forseeingfull enough to see the damage and risk our choice could possibly involve.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I joined this site just to reply since I really understand your ordeal. I dont know if at this time you are still suffering from it, but I just have a few words...I dumped a girl a little over 2 years ago for really weird reasons (personal demons, etc). I was about 19 and her 17 when we split. it was the hardest thing I ever did and I bawled my eyes out.i can't bring myself to say her name out-loud. i look at her picture on rare occasions just to get some tears out. We have no communication anymore since I hated her new boyfriend so much and was devastated she forgot about me so quick. I basically put her down, insulted her new lover, and just tried acting tough, ya know? but she changed so much, and i'm sure over time she has changed even more. but I'll never forget her or what we shared. I've been with nobody since. I've tried, but women seem to be getting colder.

I'm not sure what this site is all about or what the point is, I just felt like replying since I kick myself in the * * * every day for my actions and felt like getting some words off my chest. if you ever need to talk dont hesitate to IM me on AIM: iibrokendesignii



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I know your pain is real, but as far as I can tell, this thread is for people who have had a death in their lives, not a break up in thier relationship.


I think you would be better off posting in 'Relationships'. You would also get more replies relevant to your situation if you post there.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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