Where do I go from here???

[guss32]

Well, this past Saturday I hung out with my ex (she stopped by to hang out, not me). Things went fine during the day and I was considering going out with her and some mutual friends that night or just kicking back to watch a movie. At about 10pm I called her to see if she would want to come over and watch a movie (I know it was a bad Idea). She didn't answer and I left no message. I got no call back, so I went to bed, alone. At about 4:15 a.m. I woke up to her crawling into bed with me (Nothing more than cuddling took place).

 

The next day, I decided this has gone on too long and I told her that we are going to have to go the NC route. She immediately started to cry and tell me how confused she is. She proceeded to tell me how hard it is for her and that she is sacred that I will find someone else. I immediately reminded her that this break up is her decision.

 

I just don't understand why she would want to hang out so much and why she would just come over and crawl into bed with me. It obviously wasn't sexual, because nothing happened that night. I am viewing this as a good sign that maybe she is realizing she wants me back. Is all this false hope? Any advice will help.

[jl301]

Hey guss32,

 

I believe that you are doing right thing by going the "NC" route. She is the one that broke up with you. If she wanted space and then let her have it. remember don't let her keep string you along and of course she is scared that you will find someone else. She knew that she messed up by breaking up with you. She wants to make sure you can still be her backup. I know it may sound little harsh right now. Don't just take her back right away, so make her work for it. What if she pulls this again and again you will be hurt by her. Hang in there and be strong for yourself.

 

jl301

[kellbell]

Hi there Guss!

 

Oh man, talking about wanting her cake and eating it too. That's pretty messed up, she breaks up with you, crawls into bed with you and then tells you she is afraid you will move on. Yikes! Well, duh...you have every right too.

 

Unless she says she has made a mistake and wants to work on things and get back together (which dumpers rarely do but it happens), then everything else is non-sense and she is stringing you along...so you WON'T move on. Very wrong and selfish on her part. I would have a serious talk with her about things, ask for your housekey back, and strict NC for now on. It's really best for you and her. NC can test every will you have, push your heart and soul to the very limits, especially when the other person makes it very difficult to move on. Stay strong and hang in there. Friends and family help tremendously in situations like this. Take care my friend.

[Relationship Coach]

Guss,

GET YOUR KEY BACK! There is no justifiable reason as to why she still needs it. Don't tell her over the phone that you want it back(she may make a copy), ask for it the next time you are with her. If you feel she has made a copy, change the locks. She is behaving the way she is because she wants access to you whenever she wants it. You have to take that away from her as well with going NC. When you think about it, she's behaving more like a guy. Too bad you didn't have a bombshell lying next to you, threes a crowd.

 

RC

[heloladies21]

You are misreading signs. She is not considering getting back together with you. She is using you for emotional support to help her get through the break up. She's also easing her guilt for dumping you by being your "friend."

 

If you can't do No Contact, tell her you want to get back together. Tell her over and over again until you're convinced that she doesn't want to. Then you will be able to go NC and heal up for real and she will be able to make up her mind if she wants you back or not.

 

What you're doing now simply won't work. You're just stringing yourself along until she heals up enough to find someone else and drops you for good.

[SuperDuper]

heloladies21, and anyone else here..

 

I am wondering if this happens, what should you do?

My ex always asks where i'm going, what im doing, who im doing it with.. if my status says "On The Phone" she asks who im on the phone with.. and makes up lies that she's on the phone. Probably to make me jealous or somethign?

 

What should I do

[kellbell]

Super Duper,

 

NC!!!! All the way. She has no right whatsoever to ask about your personal life....EVER! If she calls, don' answer, if she texts or IM's, don't reply. That way, you will never have answer her questions, it's none of her business.

[jl301]

Good Answer Kellbell.