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My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2.5 years (and I love her more than the world, itself) and because of school we've been doing the long distance thing for about 1.5 out of the 2.5 years. She recently moved up here (Auburn, Alabama) because she loves the school and she wanted to be closer to me. We've been getting into arguments as of late because of the complete lack of any physical relationship. Our arguments are basically centered around the fact that we've only had sex once within the past 3 weeks, but it was great. When I got home from work she was lying in bed wearing lingerie, I jumped on her and it went from there. It was great up until we tried to have sex and then she started hurting. Which leads to why we've been arguing about sex. Here's our main arguing points:


1) She's been telling me for the past FEW MONTHS that her vagina feels very tender and creates a burning sensation when anything is put in it (i.e. tampons, my unit, etc...). Needless to say I've told her many times to go to a doctor, but here's how it went. Before winter break I told her to go to her gyno, but she wanted to wait until I came down from school to go with her. When I came down she said she wanted to wait until she moved up here in case she had to schedule a second visit to check on progress. Now she's up here and she doesn't want to spend the money (she can barely afford to pay her rent) on going to a doctor and going back for second visits, prescriptions, etc... But I'm perfectly willing to pay for it to save our sex life.


2) Half the time she thinks sex is boring and dirty. She said the other times she enjoys it and it's awesome, but lately she doesn't want to have sex because she feels dirty while doing it and she starts thinking about other things than sex: the sheets are gonna get dirty, she's getting sweaty and she'll want to take a shower, other things she could be doing at the time, etc... Basically she just can't concentrate on JUST me and her, her mind starts to wander. (Her parents brought her up with no religious background and she was not molested)


3) According to her, sex is not on her mind right now. She has just moved to a new town, works at a new job 30 hrs a week with new people, goes to a new school (full time) and barely makes enough for living expenses (This isn't really an arguing point as I completely understand where she's coming from). We agreed that I would pay for anything related to recreation and/or anything not related to daily living, but she still doesn't make that much and she's a grand in credit card debt. Needless to say she's pretty stressed out and she kind of regrets moving up here now instead over the summer when she would have been much more financially stable because I would be moving in then.


So anyways there's my dilema. She told me her main reason for having sex lately is to make me happy, which im ok with because sex is better than no sex, but I really want her to fully enjoy sex again. There were times when she would get so horny she didn't care where we were, she would take me back to her house and rape me. Granted, that was in the beginning of our relationship and I don't really expect that kind of enthusiasm again, but still, I want her to enjoy it again and do it for her, for me, and for us. We plan on going to a couples counselor or sex therapist sometime within the next few months if nothing improves, but I'd rather wait and hopefully not give money to someone to fix our problems.

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Well, first of all, burning down there is not a good thing at all. It could be anything, so even though she really doesn't want to go to a doctor right now, she really should for her own health. It could end up being nothing, but burning is definitely not normal.. and should be checked immediately.


I think that her stress is just really adding to the problem. Personally, when I'm really stressed and have a lot on my mind, the last thing I can think about is sex.


Try to talk her into seeing a doctor first. I think that finding out what is causing the burning is the most important thing right now cause something could definitely be wrong. The pain also has to be part of the reason she isn't enjoying sex right now.


You both seem to be at different places right now. You want sex and you find it important. She is just in a completely opposite place. I think that once she feels less stressed, she might start feeling differently. It's probably going to take a lot of patience.

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Hmm...I agree with Maggie. It's very important that she see a doctor ASAP. Health isn't something she can be gambling with...if she is ill it may get worse if she doesn't see her doctor about it. Try to emphasize that as much as you can. Hopefully you will be able to convince her to go.

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I've been through a lot; especially since I am quite young. I've been here, my g/f and I didn't have enough stability in our lives with work, family, our relationship and even ourselves. We didn't have experience in handling it either; we broke up. It really took a beating on me.


I have pieces of advice, from mistakes I have made and have see other make.


1.) You need to get checked out, even if she doesn't you need to get checked out. Always put yourself before anyone else, until you are 100% stable with any blow you will take. I am sure you love her with all of your heart, just you have done all you can to get her there.


2.) As I have read, this girl is someone who will answer to aggression, she likes a manly man, she will and knows how to accept the power one has over her. Show her who is boss, and get her to that doctor.


3.) It may not seem like it, but she is in dire need for support, and she will always see sex as a way to make you happy. Girls enjoy sex so much better not because of the looks of a man, or the love that he gives; it has to do with the environment mostly. The more secure she feels, the safety she has within the relationship, what your actions are pre-intercourse, and the tiny things.


I sort of lost my train of thought, either way... take care and good luck.

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