After a year I still love my ex-- I'm stuck

[dstanzler]

Briefest Synopsis I Can Give

 

My ex and I date for 1.5 years. We were high school sweethearts and we probably would have gotten married. She followed me to college and slowly began changing. She became detatched from herself and would just cry all the time. After vallentines day last year she called it off and didnt tell me the reason until this summer: "things didn't feel like they were going well."

 

So I see shrinks. Over the summer I spend time just meditating and walking. I bet my depression about it. Meet new girls. Make out. My ambitions change and life is good. By september I hadn't spoken to my ex in about 8 months.

 

In October we meet up randomly just walking around campus and she spends time with me at my radio station. I had heard rumors of her dating other guys and I asked her about them. We talked about our relashionship. We hugged (she hesitated at this one). She gives me her number and tells me shes bad at keeping connections. I call twice after finals and on New Years and she doesn't pick up/call me back. No sweat.

 

I'm browsing the college facebook one night (an online directory basically where you can post pictures) and I stumble upon hers. I am a bit crushed to see how she is changing and she seems so happy. It makes me miss her a lot but I get over it.

 

Classes started last week. I shuffle around a bunch of lit classes and wind up in one I enjoy only to realize my ex is in the class.

 

She's completely different. Short hair, new wardrobe. She won't make eye contact with me. I talk to her after class one day and she yells at me. She's uncomfortable being near me and feels lots of sexual tension between us.

 

So I distance myself from her. I feel the depravity crawling back into my chest. I want her sexually and emotionally. Is she exhibiting feelings for me? Maybe. But I know the ball is in her court. I know that if she cannot talk to me then it may never happen again. I want it to. God I am so attracted to this woman.

 

So I don't sit next to her/talk to her for a week in class. She looks really bad. Just dark rings around her eyes. Tired/depressed/ you name it.

 

I wanted to let her know that I wasn't upset with her. So after class I waited around for her and she said hi to me coming out the door so we chatted. Really friendly and light. It was hillarious. But... she seemed to be trying to emulate the humor we shared in our last relashionship in our conversation... she does this frquently with her friends now.

 

So its good. I feel like were off to a good start finally. And she arbitrarilly cuts me off and walks away. She takes a short cut back to her place. No real goodbyes. Nothing.

 

Conclusion

 

I am simplist. I believe in personal freedom...love.. etc but I can't get over her. I'm crazy about her again. I just wish we could get back together.

 

My friends say its not going to happen.

My shrinks say perhaps in time it will.

 

I just want to get over her for now. I love her goddamn it. That's never going to change though. I'm just happy to talk to her. I support/respect the choices that she has made. But I just need to forget about all of this for a while.

 

We have class tomorrow. Can anyone offer a good coping mechanism?

 

Love,

David

[dstanzler]

I'm staying with the class. I just had this breakthrough this morning:

 

My ex didn't post her relashionship status on facebook because shes not looking for other guys. My shrink says she is trying to find herself. She may still love me yet.

 

Thanks for your post. I read it and I digested it. I agree with you on many levels. But now I am excited.

 

Thanks,

Dave

[healinginnyc81]

Hey dstanzler, I have a class with my ex gf of three years who broke up with me 1.5 months ago. It's really tough but I try to sit on the other side of class. She sits in front so it's hard for me to not glance over at her every now and then. But I just keep telling myself that she is no longer the girl I knew, she's different. I also try to get to class right before it starts and leave as soon as possible so I don't get tempted to talk to her.

 

Maybe that will help you too.

[dstanzler]

I initiated conversation today. S-l-a-u-g-h-t-e-r. Gl matey.