need some thoughts from strangers...

[red10]

so i met this guy a few years ago, we broke up after 8 mos. - took a break actually, we were living together,he moved away for a job, but we still saw each other a lot and it actually was healthy and we enjoyed each other much more - we have been 'just friends', but meaning everything but the actual commitment - he took me to family/best friends wedding, i did the same, i love him, he loves me - but we weren't really 'together' - his decision...anyway, he told me recently that he wanted to pursue another relationship with an old college friend who just recently divorced has a kid and she called him out of the blue. he thinks she's the one. but he knows i can't just be friends with him, we talked, both cried a lot - this is the first time i've seen him cry, he told me he loved he and he left. so basically, he picked her over me - he hasn't even seen her yet, it's long- distance, which was oe of the reasons why he didn't want to be with me, so that confuses me...anyway - i guess i'm just looking for some kind of input - should i try to stay friends with him, or just forget about it completely? or shomething else? i love him, and always thought he was the one for me...

[Hope75]

Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

Ouch! What an awful thing to hear. I'm so sorry!

 

What do you think being friends with him now will do for you?

 

Personally, any guy who hurt me like this one hurt you, I wouldn't have a great desire to keep around- but that's just me.

[red10]

thanks for the input!

 

he has been my best friend for the past 3 yrs. and vice versa....we both know that. i just don't want to never see or hear from him again, i'm afraid that might happen.

 

it sucks though, cause i want him back to be with me, not just as a friend - i feel like he's worried that he might miss out on something better so he's trying this new relationship - why can't he just be happy with me? we get along great, talk about anything, everything, laugh, have so many similarities, but love sharing our differences...

 

i want him to try it with this other girl, and i know it's mean, but i don't want that to work out - i want him to realize that i was the one - how horrible is that???

[Hope75]

It's not horrible. I think on some level alot of us who are left behind when our partner moves on with someone else hope for the same thing.

 

Perhaps after some time and space you will be able to br friends again, but maybe not. Some exes can manage a friendship quite well, while for others it never gets easy or comfortable, even when they were friends before they dated.

 

I think the important thing for you is to try your best to move on as best you can and assume that it is over for you... then later if circumstances change and you want to give it another try you can see how you feel at that point. That way you aren't left hanging around and pining for someone who's moved on themselves.

 

You never know, if he did change his mind, at that time you may have moved on and wouldn't be interested.

[LiquidCherry]

we have been 'just friends', but meaning everything but the actual commitment - he took me to family/best friends wedding, i did the same, i love him, he loves me - but we weren't really 'together' - his decision...

 

I'm soo sorry.. I've been in your situation before and it sucks.. a lot. I felt like I was a filler and really, that's what I was: someone to kill time until he found someone else he wanted to commit to. I was a stable companion he could count on and he didn't have to go through the randomness of bad dates until he found someone he really wanted to be with.

 

I know he cared about me, he just didn't care about me enough. With an ego blow like that I didn't really have much of a desire to be friends with him anyway.

 

I felt used. I had wasted mine time while he bided his.

 

I would move on if I were you. Dating is one thing but a relationship without real commitment is another. You deserve someone willing to give you that.

[red10]

exactly....i think now i'm just bitter - he says he doesn't want to do the long distance, yet this other woman is 2 hrs. farther from me - and i'm already 2 hrs. - he says he doesn't know what he wants, doesn't want to commit - yet all of a sudden he feels that he can handle a fresh divorcee with a 3 yr. old? just cause he felt a connection with her in college - i just don't understand, he's making a HUGE mistake, i was the best thing that could have happened to him - and that's coming from his friends - seriously, what is he thinking...how does any of this make sense?