Hurting

[justplainhurt]

First of all I would like to say hello to everyone!

 

I've been on this board before, but it's been a couple of years...and here I am again unfortunately.

 

Here's my story:

 

My boyfriend and I were dating for 5 months. I know that isn't a very long time, but the feelings were there. Everything seemed to be going great. We talked every day since our first date, and saw each other often. I was very excited and thought "this guy could be the one". I was wanting to take things slow, and had a hard time opening myself up completely for fear of getting hurt. You see, I was in a previous relationship for 4 1/2 years (broke up 2 years ago), and when we broke up it devasted me. Ever since then, I've been afraid to get in a relationship for fear of getting hurt. And here I am hurting again.

 

I don't really know what happened with my 5 month relationship. He broke up with me last weekend, and I was completely caught off guard. His reasons for breaking up were "He didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere, and that he didn't feel like we had anything in common; thereforeeee we didn't have anything to talk about on the phone." I disagree with this, since we talked on the phone everyday, you aren't going to have that much more to say to the person if you talk that much. I was so shocked when he was telling me this, that I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation. You know how that works: Your body just shuts down, and you can't even think straight. And in the following days, you can't eat, sleep, or even concentrate. It just consumes you.

 

I'm hurting and now I'm blaming myself. Because I should have opened up to him, and told him how I felt about him when we were together....it's just so hard! And I should have talked more, when he broke up with me. I feel like this is my fault, and it just sucks! We haven't talked for 6 days, and it's driving me nuts! I don't feel like I should be the one calling him, since this is what he wanted. He said when he broke up, that he still liked me, still had a lot of fun with me, still wanted to talk to me, and still wanted to see me. I just don't understand the problem if all that is true.

 

Thank you for reading/listening to my story. It always helps to just talk/type about it. And to know that you are not alone.

 

just plain hurt

[friscodj]

justplainhurt-

 

I have been in very similar situations in a lot of relationships too. I have trouble opening up and expressing my feelings while I'm in the relationship but once it ends, I get overwhelmed with the feeling I screwed up by holding back and usually end up pouring my heart out.

 

So historically I've writted letters or met in person and 100% laid it out there. We've always gotten back together, only to experience a wonderful high for a couple weeks, then back to the way it was before...but I did it, felt like I did my best, and was able to move on quicker and cleaner...

 

So now I'm seeing a counselor about my fears of opening up, why it comes after the breakup, etc. If you have access to one, I might consider that as it sounds like you and I have similar relationship "issues" with fear of opening up like you say...

 

So my advice to you is that you can't go wrong by writing him a letter or talking face-to-face with him and not necessarily asking for another chance, but just getting everything off your chest. You might get back together, which would make you happy, or you won't, in which case you can walk away from this knowing you did put yourself out there and not regret not doing so.

[lady00]

Several things could have happened. One is that he's telling you the truth and it was about the conversations. OR , his feelings might have changed. That you were surprised means that you two were not on the same page and you did not sense him changing and moving towards breaking away. You mentioned that when you talked every day you ran out of things to say. This might have been a real problem. Even though it seems small, it's necessary in a relationship to take time off from speaking/seeing each other (especially in the beginning) so that when you do talk you have a lot to share about what you have been up to. Also, don't let yourself take all the blame. Although he seems to locate the problem with you, he also contributed to the relationship and he also probably did things that led him to feel that the relationship wasn't working. It sounds like he got bored. As terrible as it sounds. Maybe his feelings of losing interest were because of this particular relationship or maybe he just has a short attention span (unfortunately, some people do, both women and men) and is the kind of person to get really interested and attached at first and then quickly lose interest. Whatever the reason, you will find someone with staying power.