I'm so scared...

[Protex]

Reading through the forums today I came accross a lot of posts of people who have been in relationships for things like 3, 4 ,5 even 6+ years and all of a sudden break up, and they talk about how they didn't see it coming, how everything was great.

 

I'm in an 11 month relationship with a girl whom I love to death, and whom I've talked to about the future and well, while we're very young, we plan on spending the rest of our lives together. Don't roll your eyes and say "You're only 17", because I know how immaturity can come into play in a relationship, and this just isn't it. This is something real.

 

But after reading all those things, I'm thinking, they could have been feeling the way I am feeling now and then it just ended. It's such a terrifying thought.

 

I just thought I'd share my thoughts you guys.

[Dako]

As painful as it is to go through, the love is worthwhile.

I didn't see it coming at all. 5 minutes after she ended it, I told her, "We sure had a good run, didn't we?"

 

Be brave and love that rare lady.

[metro_girl]

I'm not sure why it's so terrifying for you to think that your life will change from the way it is today at 17-years-old. Don't you think that you and your girlfriend will change over the course of time?

 

I've had a few friends who stayed with high school sweet hearts and are still married today. They make it work, but they don't seem very happy. Throughout the course of the relationship, one or the other really wanted to break things off, but family pressure or an unexpected pregancy or even just feeling like marriage was the next step after having dated so long, put a strain on the relationship to move forward. I've seen most break-up in a very destructive way. Usually one of the partners cheats on the other, even if they've made it to marriage. It's just been the strangest thing. I don't really understand how people can date for four to seven years, have a huge and expensive wedding, and then get divorced in less than a year.

 

I really don't think it's healthy for young people to act like they're already married. I think the idea is to date casually while you're young to really find the person who is right for you, and to gain independence from your family of origin.

 

That's just my opinion. I'm still single because I really don't want to date someone who's been married before or who has children. A lot of people my age are now divorced, and I wish they would have just dated more like I did, and waited to get married, have kids, or live with someone.

[Itsok]

People and relationships change over time. Sometimes they change together, sometimes they don't.

 

If you are meant to be, you will grow together through time. There is no reason to worry at this point, you are young and the two of you are in love.

 

Love is a funny thing, you'll learn in time.

[lady00]

Sometimes people don't see it coming because they don't want to see it, they don't want to believe it could end so they ignore the signs. Other times, people can be really really good at hiding their true feelings. Don't lose heart...you never know the potential of a relationship until you try and see where it goes. Have faith in your relationship because insecurity destroys relationships. The only way a relationship can work out is if both people believe in it and nurture it. Don't worry about it ended...cross that bridge when and if you come to it. For now, just enjoy yourself.

[healinginnyc81]

I know how the fear of getting hurt can really mess up a relationship. My gf dumped me because we were both stressing so much about making sure we didn't mess up the relationship that we weren't happy anymore. It wasn't even that we had any conflicts, the stress level and the insecurity just got too high after three years and she ended up finding another guy that she had more fun with. I'm still getting over it, but I've at least learned my lesson.

 

Don't worry about making your relationship perfect and making it last. Just try to enjoy what you have without stressing about what might happen in the future. If you worry, then you'll try too hard to force things to work out, that's what I did. Relax and take life as it comes.

[metro_girl]

I would say enjoy the relationship, and also work on your independence. Sometimes people are afraid to go away to college alone or to strike out on their own or to think about the future on their own. It's not so scary and it's not such an awful thing.

[musicguy]

I agree with the replies. People and love changes in time, relationships like life aren't predictable, we have to grow and mold thru changes and situations. Some people have long last relationships and some people don't. Right now just go with the flow of your relationship

[elaineska]

Just don't think about it. I'm in the same boat as you and I sometimes get paranoid also. Those stories make me so sad. Sometimes I go through periods of avoiding eNotAlone because the things I read here can get me down. But just enjoy being in love because it's the best feeling in the world. If you two are meant to be, you'll love each other forever. Don't worry!

[Relationship Coach]

Protex,

I understand your disillusion with relationships when you read through these posts but don't expect to find the healthiest of people in a cancer ward. What you are failing to see is that although there may be many painful stories here about failed LTR's, you need to look at the progress made by those that have survived the pain and torment. This place is more about survivors than failures. Many of us here, including myself were blind sided and have healed only to be stronger and happier.

 

Where there is risk there is reward, where there is pleasure, there can be pain. As far as I am concerned if you fear losing the person you love to anything other than death, then you will. Enjoy love it's yours until it's not.

 

RC

[xmrth]

You have to understand that it's never as simple as it "broke off out of nowhere." These people have all different backgrounds, all different experiences, and as much as they try to include everything, they leave out bits and pieces to the problem. Basically, there's always much more to it than that.

 

Just because even a large amount of people break off "out of nowhere" doesn't mean that's going to happen to you. Don't do what I did and let that make you paranoid.

As much as people like to think, peoples relationships that seem to end the same way aren't THAT much alike. There's far more to it than that.

[Protex]

Yes, you all make a lot of sense.

 

Just going to go with the flow, if it's meant to last, it will.

 

Thanks guys, =).

[Dako]

I understand your disillusion with relationships when you read through these posts but don't expect to find the healthiest of people in a cancer ward. RC

 

LOL!

So true!

 

Nurse Ratched!...More Valium please.

[elaineska]

You're welcome, Protex. Made me feel better as well.