Nothing but love to give

[Need1ozHope]

Well, this is day 12 of NC from my first ultra serious relationship. Just under 6 years of loving, fighting, laughing, and hating it is now over. Its funny because the second week of NC, I though to myself "This isn't too bad, I just occupy my day time with friends and activities until im tired, then I go to sleep!" Well, this was easy for the first week of NC but today I woke up from nightmares of "her". Nightmares of us still being together and she was playing me the whole time. Cheating on me, lying to me and humiliating me. It was awful. I woke up anxious with thoughts of hate towards her but then I realized, her character in my dream is complete opposite of how she really is.

 

Anyways, I don't know what the dream meant, but I do know that I want to pick the phone up and just dial away. I am afraid to call her. What if she doesn't pickup? What if she never calls back? This would hurt me even more, so I know the right move is strict NC. She broke up with me because she wasn't happy anymore. She gave me all her love and I didn't appreciate it until now. Im sure many of you know where I stand. It WAS true love.

 

I don't know if this is a standard feeling after a break up, but I feel like I just want someone to love me as I give them all of my love. I don't want 1 night stands or quick flings. I want to dedicate my time and energy into loving someone. I wish I could have her back, but I think things will never be the same. It is going to take a loooong looong time before I am over her completely but till then, what do I do? Its so hard. Thanks for reading

[deejay74]

i know how you feel. i am into my 3rd week of NC and it seems like it's getting harder.

 

if you read all the posts here, you will find the most consistent piece of advice is stick with NC. i know it's easier said than done, in fact, i am struggling with it myself, but i am trying my hardest to take the advice of everyone here. i feel almost like a hypocrite, because it's extremely hard for me to maintain NC, but again, this is the advice that constantly comes up again and again. i almost broke NC twice, but i am glad i didn't.

 

i feel exactly the way you do with regards to one night stands and flings. i don't really have much of a sex drive right now anyway - i would rather be in a loving relationship with someone too. again, i am going to have to say what many people on here have been saying: give it time. this is a very hard thing for me to do b/c i am so impatient but the people who give the best advice on here have gone through the same thing, so we have to trust what they say.

 

just know that you're not alone in your struggle to maintain NC, it may make you feel a little bit better although you seem to be doing just fine. perhaps even better than me! i 'm struggling everyday.

[NR498E]

I just entered my 6th month of Nc.There is kind of a hump you have to get over.It definitaly gets harder before it gets easier.

The only thing I can really tell you is just to hang in there.Remember that if she wants you she'll call and if she doesnt you didnt have anything anyway.

Goodluck and stay strong.

[shyanne]

its only been 12 days. she broke up with you cause she wasn't happy with the way you treated her. now you realize that you made a mistake, didn't appreciate her and you miss her. talk to her, tell her that you know you treated her wrong and that you changed. maybe get a second chance. how do you know things will never be the same, they can be better. its a chance you have to take. 6 years and you love her still, worth the chance i say.

[ehm doubleyou]

Dreaming of your ex really sucks ...I would dream of her with another man and even though it was totally out of her character, I woke up and cried...This happened for 3 months...I think everyone goes through those types of dreams....but it has stopped for me and I feel I can move on now...hang in there

 

mw

[Need1ozHope]

its only been 12 days. she broke up with you cause she wasn't happy with the way you treated her. now you realize that you made a mistake, didn't appreciate her and you miss her. talk to her, tell her that you know you treated her wrong and that you changed. maybe get a second chance. how do you know things will never be the same, they can be better. its a chance you have to take. 6 years and you love her still, worth the chance i say.

 

edit: I should add that the only reason I am initiating NC is because of this website. I havent said anything about it to her so she probably thinks I am over her. She would have never expected me to go 12 days of NC, but this site helped me so much.

 

If I get rejected the second time around, I would have double the heartache so thats why I dont call her. She probably wont call me because (I think) she expects me to be the first who breaks contact. If she called me, then her point of breakup wouldnt be seen as powerful. Maybe she broke up with me so I could get a little taste of how ive made her feel in the past? Im confused. She has given me chances in the past but only heartbreak made me realize what I have done.

 

Before her new job, she would do anything for me. I took advantage of her to an extent. An example would be, If I asked her to come over (she lives 15min away) at any time of day, she would be at my doorstep. But when she wanted me to go to her house, I would make excuses so I wouldnt have to go. Now that she works at a new place, she has met a new friend. This friend of hers is younger but thinks she is a relationship expert.

To a degree, I think her new friend conditioned her to value her own esteem more versus mine. Ever since this new friend, she has become less dependent on me, and has a higher stance of authority. She basically put her foot down after years of me treating her how I did. But she never said anything about it until she met this new friend (about a year ago). I don't blame her for being more of a woman. After all, she has grown and I am proud of her for doing it. But then again, I was so use to being a certain way to her and she let me. We grew up treating each other like this and now a demand for sudden adjustments? Its hard to change years of behavior overnight but I know what I did was wrong. That’s the only good thing about the break up. She now understands that she wont let her BF walk all over her, and now I know the importance of appreciating the woman I care for and showing the deepest emotions of love to the fullest. But its her that I want to show and its too late

[friscodj]

Remember that if she wants you she'll call and if she doesnt you didnt have anything anyway.

 

Well said and so true...

[shyanne]

"she won't call me cause she expects me to be the first who breaks the contact. her point wouldn't be seen as powerful" i disagree. she broke up with you cause of how you treated her. she may be thinking that you don't care or want her cause if you did.............she would've been treated better. in this case she may not call you first. in her mind your the same person she said good bye too. a person that mistreated her and made her feel bad. so why call or go back to that. you need to tell her that you have or will change cause you really want to be with her and try again. she gave you chances because she either really liked you or was in love with you. no one wants to be mistreated doesn't matter how much you like or want someone. " the only good things is that she now understands and won't let her boyfriend walk all over her" she didn't let you. she left you because you did.