So Mad

[MessedUp]

You guys are amazing and I truly thank you for putting up with this post for so long. I know I sound like a little kid that just wont learn his lesson. The reason its so hard for me to keep no contact is because she went from saying theres absolutely no way of us getting back together again and only messaging me maybe once a month, to saying that she doesnt know what will happen in the future and messaging me every other day. I think she still has a bf, but its like her messages keep getting more personal now you know what i mean. Anyways im really really considering blocking and deleting her from msn. But this will also mean that she is completely out of my life. Because like I said she doesnt have a cell phone and I dont know her house number. thereforeeee she only would be able to call me, and I dont think she would because shes so strong and she doesnt crawl back to people if they ignore her. I am also debating on whether or not to go into her work and surprise her and finally see if there are any feelings that come back, but I know right away you guys would tell me not too. I just wanted to tell you guys whats on my mind as of late.

 

I also have another question. When we say things like shes always on my mind. I really mean that shes on my mind constantly. Like there is no rest. If im doing homework she will be on my mind, if im watching a movie she will be on my mind. Distractions really dont work that much. Like I will admit there isnt as much pain as there was 2 months ago or so, but the fact that shes still on my mind is constant. Is this bad? Thats why I kept saying I dont think i'll ever forget her. Like maybe I can concentrate a little better, but shes still there like a flashback. Can someone help me with this?

[MessedUp]

Hey guys, I just wanted to put a quick post. Today was one of my friends bdays and we all went to a bar. And I must admit I had a good time. I remember that 3 months ago when I went to a bar I was a complete mess and just wanted to go home, but now I can actually smile and hold a conversation and I even found some girls interesting, although my intention wasn't on getting with any of them. But still my ex was on my mind. It didnt hurt me or anything, but I just kept wishing that she would call for some reason or something like that. And whats worse is that everytime I saw someone that I hadn't seen in a while, they would ask me how i've been and then I would just tell them the long story of my ex and how i've been so heartbroken and stuff. Its like i keep seeking peoples reassurance that i'll be ok or something. And I was also wondering if anyone had any thoughts to my previous post and what I said?

[healinginnyc81]

Hey man, I just got back from a couple of parties and I felt like I was able to enjoy myself a little more too. Don't worry about the ex being on your mind constantly. It happened to me too for at least the first month. Now, I'd say she's on my mind about 3/4 of the time. It gets better slowly. You start to think about yourself more and you start to take more interest in other things around you. It's a slow process. We're very sick right now and it's gonna take us maybe months to get better. But we will get better.

 

Do Not by any means try to surprise her at her office, her house or anywhere. It's not going to work at all like you imagine. More likely, She will be disgusted and wonder why you are still obsessed with her. You have to give her complete space and let her miss you for at least a couple of months. Do your best to stop thinking about her and stop thinking of ways to get her back. It doesn't work. She has to come back on her own.

[NJRon]

I think you are doing great moving on. I know how you feel about people asking about her, everytime I go out people ask me how she is. She has the benefit of being in a different state, so I doubt she gets this question a lot... but, it sure is annoying for me and makes me want to walk into a bar and immediately stand on a chair and announce to everyone, "Attention! We are not togetehr anymore, so please, don't ask me about her. If you wish to contact her, I have her phone number and you can call her yourself!" ... hehe... ah well, little fantasy

 

Anyway, just to agree with bkjsun, it does get better. I actually went a whole day without thinking about her, so that's a major improvement. I never contact her, but let her contact me... so I am maintaining LC, but I have dropped the idea of ever having a relationship with her and am trying to just maintain a friendhsip. So, it's working for me. Though, I can tell how it definitely impacts my healing everytime we do speak. So, if you find yourself getting down after everytime you have contact, and it's hurting you, you may want to be upfront and let her know that you just can't talk to her now. You are moving on and would appreciate it if she wouldn't contact you until you are ready.

 

Just a thought. In the end, it's up to you to do what's right for you. Regardless of what they want.

 

Best wishes

[coollady1957]

HI MessedUP,

I am glad you went out and had a good time. Just keep doing those things with going out with groups of friends. I am at about the one month point after a break up and I have found that getting out with friends is a great help to me. It does seem to get easier, and I think you are on the right track to healing yourself. She will be on your mind at different times no doubt, but in time will become less and less. You mentioned blocking her from you MSN messenger , which might still be a good idea. The less you have too see and get messages from her, the better off you will be on getting through your healing. You are right on the part that you will never forget her. She was obviously very special to you. We dont forget those things, but eventually they do get put into the back of our minds, and wont be so much in the forefront of our thoughts. As for going to her work or where ever and surprising her I think would not be a good idea. You have started the process slowly of moving on, just keep it up and I feel certain you will get this behind you. Keep yourself strong, and anytime you need to post your thoughts here please do. I dont think any of us get tired of helping others or giving some points to ponder. Dont worry about your posts or your situation becoming " too long" or " here too long" . We are here for you.

[MessedUp]

Hey Guys, thanks again for posting all your thoughts and the encouragement.

 

I know im the one slowing down my process for recovery, but my mind keeps telling me to complicate things. Like I said im having trouble actually blocking her on msn. I still wanna be friends with her, but what I really want more is for her to miss me. I also want her to get jealous and mad if I start getting serious about other girls. Thats why sometimes I put other girls pictures on my msn display pic. But she is very strong, I dont think she ever cares. In fact I told her that I went through three other relationships since her and she told me that was good in order for me to move on. And this was the same girl that told me she couldn't picture me with anyone else or she'd die. Like there is still a big part of me that wants her back so bad and more importantly I want her to miss me like crazy. Thats why I get a little happy when she messages me because it makes me think that she still cares. Although she has a bf now, I feel sometimes I can win her back especially if she sees me because she once said that she doesnt wanna see me because she doesnt want feelings to come back. She just got tired of all our arguments I guess, but it just drives me crazy that she has a new bf. I know shes young and she just wants to have fun but still it hurts when you know the other person has completely moved on.

[MessedUp]

Friends this is gonna be my last rant for a while. Today was just a bad day. I went to work from morning till about 11 pm and the whole day I was just mad, confused, and frustrated. I kept thinking that 4 months ago my cell phone would be ringing all throughout work with my ex calling me and telling me how much she loved and missed me, and since its saturday today, we would be planning on what we would be doing later tonight. But I dont have that anymore. Instead I have the thought of her now calling her new bf and probably saying those same exact things, and right now as we speak shes probably with him while im sitting here typing out my frustration. It sucks so bad right now. I know for a fact I will never ever get over the thought of her once loving me to death to not loving me at all, only loving me maybe now as a friend. Even though she said she doesnt know if she still has feelings for me, and she doesnt know if we will get back together in the future, and right now shes happy with her new bf, I know that its over. I mean really if we were gonna get back together than it wouldn't take 4 months and she wouldnt be with a new guy. Even though my friends are saying just let her go out with this guy for a while and then later when they break up, she might come back to you, there telling me to just give her time and she'll remember, i am hardly finding any comfort in that.

 

Im sick and tired of waiting and hoping. Im basically sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have lost so much weight that half my jeans dont even fit me anymore, even with a belt. I used to be the "joker" or "clown" in my group of friends, but now I barely crack a smile, and even if i do, its a fake smile just to pretend im ok. But people can truly see that somethings wrong in my face. My name speaks true to who I really am right now, and that is MESSED UP. I mean some days are actually better than others, and I am eating more than I use to, but I just dont know what happened to me today. The whole day I was just mad, not even sad, but just angry. If i knew who and where her new bf is then i'd probably do something stupid. But I know I'd regret it later. I cant shake the fact that this girl was so into me at one point and now shes not. Now I have to beg her to message me. It doesnt make sense to me. I mean when i say this girl was crazy for me, i really mean she couldnt sleep without hearing my voice. Now she can move mountains without me. It feels as though I was used. I was just a little fling, something to kill the summer months. I mean we only argued about me not being able to see her as much as i wanted too. Like i only saw her maybe 2 days a week for like 2 hours because as I said, her parents were very strict and all she did was work and school. The last argument she couldnt take it anymore and said that she was tired of the fighting and me not learning that she couldnt see me as much as I wanted too. I'll admit that I didnt learn from the fights but we always made up after that and were back to normal. It was just one day that she snapped and forgot everything about us. Now she tells me her new bf understands that she can only go out once or twice a week and he doesnt argue with her about that. So i see why she likes the new relationship, but you dont throw away love and thats whats bothering me. You work on it and try to improve it, you dont give up. She never said hey maybe we should try it again. I know so many of my friends where their ex girlfriends come back to them and beg them to take them back, but she never once did that. She broke up with me and that was it for her. THATS WHAT KILLS ME.

 

Anyways you guys know my story already. I just really dont care anymore about anything. Work, school, people. Like it feels like your mom just randomly one day said "son I dont love you anymore and you have to leave my life, get out, I have a new and better son"..Like thats how it feels because this girl was so crazy about me. I could tell her to jump and she would ask how high. Im not trying to be funny or show that I was in control, im just showing you guys that it still doesnt click in my mind that this girl switched so suddenly without caring. It bothers me more because it was only a 3 month relationship. 3 MONTHS THATS IT I KNOW. AND ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS AND COUNTING AND IM STILL NOT OVER IT. i've healed a bit but come on enough is enough. Yes this was my first love, but seriously I dont think i ever wanna love again. Like I just dont care anymore, I wish infact that I never met this girl to begin with. I use to be the happiest person in the world. Nothing can keep me down. Girls in the past have cheated on me, dumped me, even had their friends try to fight me (silly high school stuff i know), but I shrugged it off with the biggest smile. This one girl came into my life and it feels like I have cancer now. Im not trying to joke or belittle anyone with cancer, I thank GOD that I dont have a serious medical problem, but it seriously feels like a disease that is eating you away. I mean you have your good days but in the end your just gonna get worse. And thats how I feel right now. The grief cycle keeps continuing. I dont know what im gonna do next time she messages me. At this point I really dont care. I could tell her off, tell her how much I miss her. Like it seems like this situation will never finish from me right now. Anyways im tired of typing and I know you guys are tired of hearing this. Im just to weak for the fight right now. Maybe in time I will get better, and thats what im waiting for. Im literally counting the days and saying to myself ok another days gone by. I just want the days to end. Today was really a bad day for some reason, I have been doin better but today just killed it I dont know why.

 

However, I do want to thank all of you guys that have helped me. I mean I truly truly owe you guys my life for taking the time out and reading and responding to what I have to say. That to me means more than anything. You guys are amazing and I wish nothing but the best for all of you. I wish I knew you guys in real life cuz to me I feel as close to you guys as some of my bestfriends. I hope everyone gets better and im sorry for all the B.S. that your exes have put you through. I was once naive and making fun of people who couldnt get over there exes but now I know how wrong I was. I wish I didnt know but believe me I've learned a lesson. I'll probably be back in a week or two, but I know you guys are sick of reading this stuff and I know im not helping myself either by still keeping contact with her. But really the contact I have with her is basically no contact. I mean she has to message me or call me if she wants to talk to me. She hasnt called in 2 weeks, and she sends joke messages once every like 3 days on msn, but sometimes I ignore them. That is basically no contact. Still I dont know what im gonna do. But take care guys..

[NJRon]

I feel for you as I can identify with pretty much everything in your post. I hope you feel better with some time off.

[Pikey1972]

MessedUp, we're not "sick of reading this stuff", trust me - I empathise completely with what you've been through and are going through.

 

There is no timeline for healing, so please keep posting whenever you feel like it.

 

Take care,

 

Pikey

[healinginnyc81]

Hey man, I know how you feel. It is so hard to understand how feelings can just come and go like that. I was in complete shock for the first two days after the breakup to the point where I wasn't even crying, I was just in a daze not paying any attention to anything around me.

If possible you should consider therapy. It helps to talk things out with someone. And they can give you good advice on how to heal.

 

I think you need to let yourself grieve. It's hard but it's the best way to move on is take time to yourself and just cry, hit pillows, whatever to make sure you really get your feelings out.

 

And please block her name on msn. Cut her out of your life completely. Like you said you were happy before her. You can get back to that. I'm trying to get back to that too. But be patient with yourself.