Stop Doing This To Yourselves ... And Now

[Caldus]

This is a treatise for alleviating shy people's issues with women.

 

First, we have to dive into you. The essense of you.

 

Who are you? Can you even describe who you are? What are your beliefs? What are your passions?

 

If you can't even come up with some kind of answer that you feel sure of, then you need to first refine yourself. For one who seeks another for companionship and/or pleasure must have something to offer to that person. What do I mean by this?

 

Sure. Ordinary can be good. But since the others never hear your wonderful things to say and never hear about your wonderful passions in life, then why are you ever entertaining the idea that they will see you as the kind of person you want them to see?

 

You see, this world is harsh. But once you see your potential in this world, it becomes a wonderful place. Because anything becomes possible. In this world, people must have a voice if they want to attract the right people in their life. That is not to say that people who tend to be introverted will be miserable, but that if you never peep a word to women, then what will you do to communicate to that pretty girl nearby you? I mean really. It's either you go and do it now or you never get what you want.

 

I know it's easier said than done. Here is what I did.

 

I stopped giving a ****. And so should you.

 

Not in the sense of becoming an * * * * * * *.

 

But ... and I am going to quote something from the 40 year old virgin ... "don't put the * * * * * on the pedestal". Women are not above you nor are you above them.

 

First thing you need to do is develop a personal foundation as described earlier. If you have nothing to say to people or too shy to say something, then it is because you are not confident in the very foundation of you (!). It is that simple.

 

There is no one to blame but you for your previous failures. You are responsible for what you become. Just as you brush your teeth a few times every day and take a shower every day, you should be taking care of yourself mentally in the same fashion. If you must, look in that mirror and see how beautiful you are and how great of a person you can potentially be every day, but no need to be cocky about it. You know how it goes. Now do it.

 

I will add more to this later. Someone else feel free to add on or remove my thoughts.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

agreed, plus men with a little personality and opinions are incredibly attractive because they know what they like in life and aren't afraid to stand up for their convinctions.

[Shidoshi]

Good post Caldus. I'm more of an introvert myself so I know exactly what you speak of. People (especially in North American culture) often misinterpret "shyness" as meaning your some how weak. Shyness in a person can be the result of low self-esteem, but that isn't always the case. I've gotten into plenty of fights when I was younger because other kids thought I wouldn't be able to handle myself. Man you should've seen the look on some of their faces when I proved them wrong, priceless!

 

In the context of dealing with women it is a bit of a disadvantage, as you've mentioned Cal. I've missed plenty of opportunities because of it, no doubt. I think it's especially hard for people who have always been more introverted to open up to unfamiliar people. However, you have to "condition" yourself to take each interaction with a grain of salt. The ironic part of my situation is that my "indifference" was somehow seen as mysterious to some women and I used it to work in my favor (sometimes), but it really doesn't help if you aren't in a situation where you can actually use it that way.

 

The best method I've found of overcoming this is practice. Talk to women, especially attractive women as it's usually harder to talk to them than women you consider average or unattractive (of course you'll want to talk to all kinds of people, not just women). The simplest way for me is to simply greet them. Start small and work you way up, but don't stop for long periods of time or you'll end up back at square one, atleast that's how it's been for me.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

The best method I've found of overcoming this is practice. Talk to women, especially attractive women as it's usually harder to talk to them than women you consider average or unattractive (of course you'll want to talk to all kinds of people, not just women). The simplest way for me is to simply greet them. Start small and work you way up, but don't stop for long periods of time or you'll end up back at square one, atleast that's how it's been for me.

 

 

i don't know, i think if your single and you like someone of the opposite sex or same sex or whatever your preference, then you should speak to them like a fellow human being. not as if their some sort of hot goal...

[Shidoshi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shidoshi

The best method I've found of overcoming this is practice. Talk to women, especially attractive women as it's usually harder to talk to them than women you consider average or unattractive (of course you'll want to talk to all kinds of people, not just women). The simplest way for me is to simply greet them. Start small and work you way up, but don't stop for long periods of time or you'll end up back at square one, atleast that's how it's been for me.

 

 

 

i don't know, i think if your single and you like someone of the opposite sex or same sex or whatever your preference, then you should speak to them like a fellow human being. not as if their some sort of hot goal...

Huh?? Where have I said anything about NOT speaking to someone like a "fellow human being"? Speaking to people you don't know is usually a difficult task for introverts, so I provided some of the methods I've used to overcome this. I don't think you understand my post.

[Shinobie]

I've learned too give up on this forum for myself cause i felt so stupid.Now i just play wow 24/7 every damn day.Just waiting for the one undefiable day i decide to kill myself and leave this world of being a fricken idiot and not standing the people within it.This thing i like to call a "life".

[Caldus]

Shinobie, I am going to be realistic with you here. Has the thought ever crossed your mind that being inside playing computer games all day will win you a girlfriend? It's not that you're pathetic, it's that you think you're pathetic and most of all, no one even knows who are you are except people who are online. If no one knows who you are, then how do you suppose you will ever find a girl? What else do you do besides video games? Are there other passions in your life? I sure hope so. Video games are cool, but goodness there is so much more to explore in your life. Lots of people to meet although a lot of them will probably not be right for you. But still, you know what I am talking about. I am talking what works. America is mostly a pragmatic nation. They do what works without asking why. They just do it. Perfectly fine too. If what works works, then why does one need to know why it works? Point is, it works. So go do what works and don't sit around all day.

[Caldus]

Here's another thought of the day:

 

Perhaps the problem with a problem itself is that the problem was created from within.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Here's another thought of the day:

 

Perhaps the problem with a problem itself is that the problem was created from within.

 

aside from the repetitive word choice, i agree. most problems are created internally and unneccesarily. we see a situation and often times are quick to classify or label it as unfixable, when in reality thats just us putting boundaries on ourselves and our possibilities.

[Caldus]

It was meant to be catchy.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

well i like it =)

[Kevin T]

Caldus = wisdom

[knglerxt]

Good post Caldus. I'm more of an introvert myself so I know exactly what you speak of. People (especially in North American culture) often misinterpret "shyness" as meaning your some how weak. Shyness in a person can be the result of low self-esteem, but that isn't always the case. I've gotten into plenty of fights when I was younger because other kids thought I wouldn't be able to handle myself. Man you should've seen the look on some of their faces when I proved them wrong, priceless!

 

 

I've noticed this, too. People automatically assume you're naive or have low self esteem if you don't talk very much. I hate that. I don't think I have low self esteem at all. I just don't talk unless I have something to say.

[knglerxt]

agreed, plus men with a little personality and opinions are incredibly attractive because they know what they like in life and aren't afraid to stand up for their convinctions.

 

 

A lot of people assume you don't have a personality if you don't talk very much. Most of the time,though,they're wrong. I have a personality, but it takes awhile to see it. I have to be comfortable around someone first.