He wants to be friends.

[SummerLove]

OK, brief background. My bf of 6 months dumped me about 3 weeks ago. It seemed as if our relationship was turned upside down overnight. His reasoning: He was afraid that I cared for him more than he cared for me, and didn't want me to end up getting really hurt.

 

At first, he seemed as if he regretted what he did because he called me later that day that we split. Now it seems like he is on a rollercoaster of changing emotions. ](*,)

 

When our break up was fresh, he acted and said things as though he wasn't sure if he did the right thing and was hinting at wanting to get back together.

 

Then a few days later, I asked him if it would ever happen between us and he said "probably not". From that reply, we both came to an agreement to not talk to each other for 2 weeks to see if time could mend things.

 

Meanwhile, his best friend and I talked online and on the phone a few times. (I was trying to set him up with one of my friends.) my ex's best friend has tried setting up times so that me and him could hang out (instead of me, him and my other friend who I wanted to set him up with), but I gladly refused and told him it would be too weird for me.

 

My ex ended up calling me a week into the NC time set we had set up. He said some very sweet things to me. He said he really cared about me, and that he wants to be able to talk to me because since the day we met his life hasn't been the same. He also said that I'm different from any other girl he's ever dated and that he has talk to me. He also said something which I find confusing. He told me that he HAD to break up with me, but didn't WANT to.

 

I told him that I couldn't be his friend because not knowing what was going to happen between us was too hard on me. I also said that if we were to be friends, it wouldn't be the common idea of "friends"; I'd refer to him as my ex, not my friend, and that is exactly what he would be. I could never just forget what we had. He practically begged me to at least talk to him every so often, so I agreed because I miss talking to him a lot.

 

Then the subject of his best friend came up in the convo. My ex got upset when I told him what his best friend was trying to do. He told me not to talk to him anymore and to not set him up with one of my friends.

 

I'm so confused. I want to be with him so bad, but then again I don't want to be with him because I have no trust in him. I can't understand him. If he really didn't care, he wouldn't put so much effort into wanting to be my "friend". What do his actions mean? What should I do to help the situation? Should we be "friends"?

[lady00]

I think he doesn't want to lose you from his life completely, but he also doesn't want you as a girlfriend. Who knows what his position on this will be if/when he starts dating again? As far as telling you not to set up his best friend with one of your friends, well that's not his place to say. His friend wants to be with your friend, right? So...I'm not sure why your ex thinks he has a right to say anything about that to you. I'd steer clear of your ex at least for the time being. You're right...he's not your "friend" right now, he's an ex who has the power to make you upset, mess with your feelings and confuse you. Being friends isn't a question of "should" or what HE wants. It's a question of: Do YOU want to be friends with him? Would it be healthy for you? Would you be able to move on? Would you be happier with his friendship or without it? I think when you decide how you'd answer these questions, you'll know whether friendship is in the cards.

[krissbrown]

I was going out with a guy for 3 months and he led me to believe he was crazy about me and in love. Then like you overnight everything changed. He admitted to me he met a new girl and they hit it off and he cant date me anymore, he went on to say he wants to be friends.

I was really hurt at the time, and I told him to F- Off. He continued to try and be friends but I refused to be.

I mean I dont know what the reasons are why he doesnt want you as his girl, do you think its someone else?

I think its best you stay away from him, you have deep feelings he doesnt.

He wants to be friends because he probably doesn't want to lose you completley.