I have a friend who is either STUPID or NUTS or BOTH?

[jasmine8]

I met this girl 4 years ago, im a girl too, we clicked and became great friends right away, talked alot, had alot of fun. Then after about a year we would make plans and she would call me 30 minutes before to cancel, She did it three times and I totally told her upfront Thats so rude and it shows a lack of respect for me and we cant be friends if you keep doing this to me. So she apologized and promised not to do it again. Then the next week she did it again, said she was sick.

 

I just kept my distance, Then she panicked and started leaving me messages everyday saying "why arent you calling me what did i do"? So we hung out again and she cancelled our plans with an email on the same exact day. I wrote her back saying When you cancel plans can you call me, i dont have a computer and i only have access at my friends house, so I would have no idea your cancelling, I also added its impossible to make plans through email because it doesn't work with you. Then she wrote me back saying the phone doesn't work for her these days.

This girl has a cell phone and a landline.

 

I just didnt respond till some months later when she contacted me again. So we attempted to be friends again and she did the same thing again, So for the past year shes been inviting me to her musical performances- she plays piano. I never go, why should I go to a performance of hers, when she never hangs out with me properly as a friend?

Then she wrote me an email before Christmas being extremely friendly saying "i miss you, im going home to chicago for two weeks but lets keep in touch through email ok throug the holiday?"

So i write her back wishing her a merry x-mas, I dont get a response till last week.

She says in her email, "im back, doing a show this week, wanna come? and lets hang out anyway if you cant make it?"

 

I just didnt respond to it, called her- left a message saying hows everything?

 

Have not heard back from her..

 

Is this girl a total moron or nuts? I kinda think she has a mental disorder of some type or is she totally messing with me?

[cichlid]

Don't assume things and then tell people what you think it isn't nice. Maybe she is lonely. There are always two sides to a story and if you want to cease contact then do so. Block phone and email. She has your address? Then tough luck! You could get a restraining order, but she seem harmless. Just ignore her.

[jasmine8]

How could there be two sides to this story? I asked her if everything is OK plenty of times, I asked her not to cancel plans the last minute and she keeps doing it after she promises not to and then wonders why I get mad. I call that a retard.

[DN]

She is one of these people who believes their time is important and yours is not. You are, or were, a pick-up friend i.e. one who can be picked up or put down at her convenience.

 

i would drop her - who needs a one-sided friendship.

[jasmine8]

I think agree with you, shes also big on "names" and "what people do for a living"

Maybe shes just a user like you suggest.

 

 

She is one of these people who believes their time is important and yours is not. You are, or were, a pick-up friend i.e. one who can be picked up or put down at her convenience.

 

i would drop her - who needs a one-sided friendship.

[cichlid]

How could there be two sides to this story? I asked her if everything is OK plenty of times, I asked her not to cancel plans the last minute and she keeps doing it after she promises not to and then wonders why I get mad. I call that a retard.

I just ask you not to call people who are not here to defend themselves demeaning names. If you want to stop the friendship then do so. I also find a good online journal perfect for venting. I set the thing to private that way no one's reputation is ruined from my opinions on them. All I see in this post is that you are just venting publicly (that can be read by anyone!) and wanting some back up that she is "retarded".

[jasmine8]

What she did to me was extremely demeaning so for me to call Nuts or Stupid is a natural reaction. Her reactions are that of somebody who is nuts, stupid, or a rude user

I am just wondering which category she fits in. My whole life I never met someone who behaves like this. I was asking for peoples opinions on the situation and DN have one that makes alot sense.

 

 

I just ask you not to call people who are not here to defend themselves demeaning names. If you want to stop the friendship then do so. I also find a good online journal perfect for venting. I set the thing to private that way no one's reputation is ruined from my opinions on them. All I see in this post is that you are just venting publicly (that can be read by anyone!) and wanting some back up that she is "retarded".

[Mrocza]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend...and I agree with what the others say. It's a one-sided thing.

 

Then again, I have a lot of friends, who in the past few months of making plans, I've ended up cancelling for one reason or another. Sometimes it was just because when the time came around I was so mentally exhausted I wanted to spend my spare time alone, and other times I had genuine reasons. I've basically pissed some people off and got a reputation for being a ditcher with those few friends.

 

However, there are some friends I don't do that to. I think it's a matter of importance not necessarily intentional negligence. If you don't want to deal with it, don't make plans with her. Make her make the effort to hang out. If it means that much to her, she'll make it up to you. I speak from experience

[jasmine8]

Thanks I agree with you totally. Yes i think I'll just let her make the effort if she wants to be friends, but in no way will I make plans with her again.

She also only wants to communicate via email when I already told her I have no computer and only use my friends.

When I get an email from her I just dont respond and call her. I notice that when I do that, I get another email 2 weeks later saying how busy shes been.

 

I'm just giving it a rest your right.

[cichlid]

How you talk about her is rude. Simple...no matter how others treat you, you should try best to treat others with respect. And she obviously didn't care much about you but wanted you as a friend. People do that all the time. You are a friend that used to be a good friend and you just aren't important to her anymore so she does not care. People cancel plans all the time for various reasons. She wanted something to do and when something better came along or something happened...she cancelled. This is a fake friend...but that does not mean she isn't human and should not be attacked online as "stupid", "retarded", etc.

[cichlid]

Also are you sure this is a personal email and not something she sent to everyone on her email list? Even if it just sent to you...it is so easy to copy and paste. I know I have sent more than one person that same email saying I have been busy and we should hang out, etc. But it was to good friends and not to just everyone.

[jasmine8]

She sent the emails to me personally. I treat people how they treat me, if someone is going to be rude, I will be rude, if someone respects me, I respect them.

Everyone has their own morals of code in life.

[Itsok]

If you hate her so much, stop contacting her! It's a simple solution really. Don't just badmouth the girl over and over. Remember the definition of insanity and don't make any plans with her.

[lady00]

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Problem solved.

[krissbrown]

So why doesn't she just pick up a phone and call you since she misses you like she says?

She probably keeps emailing you because it keeps distance yet keeping in contact with you just in case she may need you for something. Thats a fake friend.

She sounds like she really thinks shes something, maybe even better and smarter than you that she can treat you like that.

Just put her in the aquaintance box. Dont act like its a big deal if she doesn't call or contact you. Just be like whatever.

You sound pissed. Actually I think its better to be pissed than cry about it. but I'm sure you'll get over it. Don't let her know how upset you are. Maybe you can use her for something in the future. Just think of it that way.