ugh

[shorty20]

do you know what really pisses me off? When someone tells you they're mad about something... but dosen't have enough time to explain. I just got off the phone with my guy, and he was being really indecisive. He said earlier he wanted to hang out, so I suggested a movie... and he says "I'm thinking I might just hang out with the guys"... totally fine, he can hang out with the boys if he wants.. but I hate how he'll make plans and then just decide otherwise... so then he says "well, if I can't get ahold of them then we'll do something" and I don't know if I was having a bad day or what, but I blurted out "well I don't want to be your back up plan. Just lets do our own thing tonight and I'll see you tomorrow"... then he had to go really fast, and I asked if he was mad and he said he didn't know??? How can you not know. So now I'm forced to try to work when I know that he's mad at something and just the whole situation pisses me off. Why are guys so complicated?

[lunatic]

hahaha Shorty men are not that tough to figure out. We say the same thing about women more than you would care to know.

 

Here is my advice:

1. Love him

2. be honest with him and talk about things that bother you.

3. make love to him on a regular basis.

4. Be his friend/lover and not his mother.

 

If you can follow this advice you will have a happy life with someone. If you think he is mad then why not call him and try to talk to him. If he is ready to talk he will talk to you about it. We are not that complicated creature you have in your head hun. You need to think about the fact that he wants to see his buddies and if that does not happen then yeah your his backup. You should have just said "you know what I think we should do our own thing tonight."

 

It is that simple Shorty and I hope this helps.

Hub

[lunatic]

BTW I think you have every right to be a little upset that he said you were his backup for tonight. I would have gotten a little bit snippy too if I were you. I dont blame you for being annoyed espcially since he seems to do this all the time to you.

[shorty20]

well, it's not all the time... just 2 or 3 times since we started officially "dating" which was about two months ago.... but it's enough for me to get irritated and just tell him to do his own thing so I don't have to worry about planning my schedule around whether he "might" call. And I abosultey hate the fact that he acted mad, but wouldn't talk to me or tell me why. I get that he's at work, but being at work has never stopped him from calling or talking to me before... ugh. I don't know if I love him yet... I actually think I'm holding back a bit to see if it's really going to work out... but I know that I really care about him. I don't treat him like a mom. I let him do what he wants... I just expect common courtesy like i give him... and if I tell him I'll be somewhere, I'm there. I dunno... thanks for the advice hubman. It helps but I'm still frusterated...

[lunatic]

Shorty I never said you treated him like a mom would. I was stating a general factoid about men in general. I am sorry that I cannot offer you anything more in this department since I don't have any more suggestions.

[DN]

Perhaps it would be a good idea if you became a little less available. I am not advocating playing games because it is a good thing to have a life outside a relationship. But make your own plans for a Friday or Saturday night so that he can't assume he has a back-up plan.

[shorty20]

lol, no it's no problem. He actually just called me and said that he thinks the stuff he's taking to build up his muscles is making him have PMS??? lol.. I dunno but I guess he's coming over...

[shorty20]

I have actually been doing that latley too. I've cut back on calling alot. He does actually most of the calling. He acted kind of shady last week a little, so I gave him some time to himself and didn't answer when he called... I also at times remind him that he hasn't won me over yet. We're exclusivley dating, but not "official" or anything... I think sometimes he needs to be reminded of that, and the fact that he ISN"T the only guy in the world... I dont' know if thats a good idea, but it seems to work for me. He used to act like I was always going to be there.. like I would always be available if plans fell through... and I took care of that right away... I don't know. I don't like playing games and sometimes it seems like taht's what I'm doing... but it's all i know to do to keep him on his toes ... man relationships can be exhausting at times, lol

[Meow18]

Well you shouldn't feel unimportant to the guy. Just because you are his "girlfriend" doesn't mean that he can act any way he wants because guess what, you do have the ability to realize what you deserve and you can leave him. I think sometimes people forget that, so they think they can just treat the other person any way they want.

 

You need to talk to him. Of course it's important to have friends and see them. And it's also important that you can hang out with your friends both with him and without him. You seem to understand that though. The problem is not making you feel important enough. If you don't feel more important than his friends, then what makes you special? Being his girlfriend isn't just having the label. It's being one of the most important people in his life.. and feeling that way all the time.

 

Sometimes I think it helps when couple's have special date nights. I think it's important to have "alone" time, whether you just talk or watch movies, or anything. Plan a night or two nights (for example every saterday) where it will just be you and him. And for the other nights, leave them open so that just in case your friends want to do something, you can do it alone, or take your boyfriend. That way, at least if you have a week where you want to go out and do other things, you know that you will get some time to be with just him.

 

But you should still talk to him about how his actions make you feel. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. You need to talk about your feelings and try to figure out ways to solve things. Otherwise your relationship will start to build up with problems.