What's a guy to do?

[lost_relic]

I was with this girl for nearly two years. Now we're breaking up... it's icky.

We met at our part time workplace, and quickly fell in love.

We were very happy for most of our relationship, and I had a deep trust in her, which I wasn't always sure she returned. Still, we always talked, and could work through most things. But it bothered me that she would hide some things from me; things that would damage our relationship, rather than talking to me like I would her. Still, I trusted her, and loved her very much.

Anyway, some time early last year, a new guy came to our work... she liked him from day one, and would tell me how cute he is, so I never really liked him. She was just being silly, she assured me, so I didn't mind. Anyway, as late last year, she had exams, and so wasn't allowed to see me for a long time prior (a month+)... because these exams were very important to her, and she didn't want to stuff them up. I was fine with that, we still talked every day afterall, and still saw eachother at work sometimes.

Sometimes I'd find she'd go out with her friends, during this time... instead of me... which I wasn't too happy about, but still I played along. She still loves me right?

After exams, she worked too much to see me. She had every day booked with work, and on her days off, she was "just too tired"... but she still talked to me every day, and while our relationship seemed to be going through a hard patch, it was still fine. We'd work through it...

I sort of noticed she was hanging around that guy at work a bit, they'd spend time together on their breaks... I wasn't happy, and I asked her if everything was alright, and every time I asked, she always just ensured that they were just mates. I trusted her, so you know, no problem...

 

Anyway, we finally went out properly a couple of times after christmas... and she was acting a bit weird. I wasn't so sure about this, and asked her why... she told me on January 1st that "there's just nothing there anymore". She just wants to meet some other people, to see what they're like... she felt she had to leave me behind to grow a little.

So effectively she blew me off.

 

Since then, it's been very messy. We had a big tear session, and she just wanted to be friends, because she was really unsure of what to do etc... I was okay with that... for a week or so... then I remembered how stupid I was for being okay with that, and started no-contact... which she hated. I saw her at work tonight, and me being her supervisor for the night, asked her to do some things. Her being a supervisor as well though (not on my night) she basically screamed at me, and started doing things against my authority just to piss me off.

I also found out today that she's been going out with that other guy for quite some time... though not from her. She was also giving a lot of other guys the glad-eye.

 

A friend says, what she did to me is really not cool... she strung me on for a long while, and was cheating on me (with _that_ guy). He says she's really stupid to leave me for that guy. He says I can do much better.

 

I was so sure she was different... but looking back, she really treated me like crap. Perhaps not for a lot of our relationship, but certainly the last six months. Sure, I made mistakes too, but I just always wanted her to be happy.

I'm trying to move on... but seeing her at work was extremely hard. I acted like everything was fine until she started playing up and just making my life a misery. It hurt like hell.

 

What the am I supposed to do?

I could continue the no-contact, and let her flitt around with whoever she wants, and just forget about her... but I still have to work with her (granted, I could always ask the boss to remove her from my night, after the way she's been acting towards me). But I really don't feel that I can trust many people there now... a large part of my friends and the people that work there are female, and although I've been there and known them a lot longer, she's made up for that closeness because she's female. She's basically sucked up to everyone and climbed the ladder, and now I really feel like she's turning my friends against me.

 

Maybe the no-contact/remove-from-life plan isn't the best in this case? Maybe I could attempt to "be friends" in the sense that we still have to work together... but this just feels like I'm opening myself up to more hurt. Because I won't truly be able to move on... and I still hope that we will end up together somehow. But I don't want her to disappear from my life...

 

It's still so unbelievable that she could treat me this way, after how well I treated her, for so long. I'm just shocked... she doesn't feel like the person that I have known and loved for so long anymore... but she is. It's really crazy. My mind wants to think nice things of her... it all just seems so wrong. My world has been turned upside down.

 

Should I just continue no contact, and remove her from my life (and work), and hope that truly one day she will see what she's really lost, even though I'll never see it?

But what can I do about her turning my friends against me?

My dear mum says, not to worry about her... and to stay out of it as much as I can. To be bigger than her, and not stoop down to her level. "Girls are funny sometimes". She says she's an only child, and that only children are often like that. If things don't go their way, they act up. And because she managed to get me, it's gone to her head, and now she thinks she can have every guy in sight. But she will "soon learn the truth"...

 

I guess I'm still wishing things could go back to how they were... but how could they? Why would I want that? She was so awful to me. After tonight at work, she just feels like the girl from hell. It hurt so much. And yet...

 

I just don't know what to do. What's the best course of action?

Ignore her, move on? Try to be friends, move on, maybe things will change, and one day she'll return? How can I trust my female friends at work now? I feel like they're all on her side, and anything I tell them will just go straight to her...

Even if I do ever manage to move on, how can I ever hope to meet someone, and be happy, if this can happen? How can I ever trust someone again, and know that they're not just going to do this to me? How can I ever find someone... how can it have started so perfect, and ended like this?

[Jayme]

I feel that you being friends with her might work for her only but it just doesn't work for you. I feel that she might be using you as an emotional support for her to flirt around. Like for example, so that she still feels safe that she still can fall back on you when all that flirting with that certain person fails, thereforeeee indirectly affecting you by draining you emotionally and making you miserable needless to say.

 

In terms of having her removed from your watch, is quite a bad thing to do I feel. Yes, it might help you with getting over her, but she might just go around your back during the other shifts that she's in to stab you, know what I mean? So these are things that you can't avoid, like her showing you her discontentment and such, after all, you guys were intimate at one point.

 

Your mum's right, we sometimes feel that we know what we're doing, but in terms of experiences, mums rules on that. And I feel that she just purely do not know what she wants out of a relationship or for herself, don't we all? I'd say, just leave the situation as it is, and get over it and move on. Life goes on after all, do not stop for anyone or stop meeting people.

 

There'll definitly be someone out there for you to trust again, but if you stop meeting people or go into depression and such, no one's going to get attrached to someone feeling low all the time. I believe that it was your confidence and good-going nature that attrached her to you in the first place. Just be careful next time, its never too good to trust someone so soon, but its hard sometimes, when you are in love and all. Its really hard, even if you don't want to trust, it just draws you in.

 

Actually, nothing starts perfectly. Its just that during the inital phase of courtship, we tend to overlook the bad points and just see the good points of the person we're in love with. I'd say when you really do get over her and intend to start off dating again, address every issue that you feel 'weird' about her or the friendship. Yes, it might scare her off, but its only to protect you. And it helps with that if she's mature enough to handle such problems, its always important to listen or address problems with an open view not just in your view of things. Do not get into a relationship on an impulse, always understand your partner's needs and wants first, and decide for yourself whether are you willing to undertake all those under your wings.

 

Well, if I continue, it might just be too long. There are so many things involved that makes it so complicate yet simple in a way that, all you have to think is, you love her, and somehow strenght just comes for you to handle all sort of problems. I hope I helped you with your problems. =)

[valenski]

I think I kow how that feels, giving her the world to only have your heart broken, but you can learn to trust and you will fall in love again. Dont wait or chase after her, if she cant see what a good guy you are then she doesnt deserve your love and companionship. About her turning your friends against you, if she is using lies to do it you have to have leave it up to your friends to decide, you said you've been there a while so your "friends" should know what kind of person you are so if she manages to poison their minds against you, they were never your friends.

 

You work with her so interacting with her will be almost unavoidable so I'd would try not to communicate unless I have to, and when you do interact, keep it light, treat her like an acquentance and as if everything is ok, if she sees you are doing fine then she wont have anything to be proud of. Let me just say that its going to feel like hardest thing to do but just take it a day at a time and you'll make it.

Best of luck and dont stop looking for love.