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I'm 30 and he's only 23 almost 24

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I am a 30 year old female and happened to meet a younger guy while on a flight a couple weeks ago. He sat next to me and we talked and got along well. It was not a long flight but I found him attractive and didn't find out until the end of the flight that he was actually quite a bit younger. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. I didn't think anything would come from it because he lives 6 hours away from me but as things worked out we started talking and he drove to visit me the very next weekend. We had a good time and we are still talking and he wants to visit me again very soon.


My dilemma is this-- I feel REALLY weird about the age difference. I mean, most of my boyfriends have been 5-6 years older than me. I haven't spent enough time with him yet to know whether our maturity levels match or not but I do really enjoy talking/emailing with him and am physically attracted to him as well. He feels the same. He is actually the one kind of implying he'd be interested in a relationship with me and I am the one holding back. I am 30 and I usually go for older, more settled guys because I am looking to get married and have kids. I know this guy is young but I know that he was also close to marriage a couple of years ago.


On top of all that, I am at a crossroads in my life where I am trying to decide whether to move back to the state I grew up in or stay where I'm at. If I move back to the state I grew up in, I will be double the distance from him. We actually both grew up in the same area and that is why we met on that flight because we were both going home to see our families.


I guess I am just wondering if there are any other WOMEN out there who have been in this position--- with a younger man with a similar or larger age difference and has it worked out or failed? And what have been some of the problems that have gone along with it? I know there are a lot of celebrities doing this but is it right? I think one of my concerns has to do with the fact that he is only 1 year out of college and I have been working now for 8 years. Are we in two completely different places and should I even bother pursuing this? I feel like everything is stacked against us but I do really like him.

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I think that maturity level may be more important here than actual physical age. It seems that you both are drawn to one another and would like to develop a connection. It is easy to let future worries cloud one's outlook, but I say just enjoy the friendship you have with him now and let time tell where it will take you. Any new relationship has its obstacles, doubts, concerns, etc. but f love is in the stars, it always finds a way around seeming impossiblities.


You have found this young man interesting and attractive--Trust this reaction and accept his friendship. If things become more serious, you will be able to discuss with him your concerns. At this early stage, no matter what ages two people are, it is difficult to tell a person's priorities, desires, goals, etc. That comes with time and increased intimacy. A man in his 50's may still live as if he is in his teens, and a man in his early 20's may be as serious-minded as a 30-year-old.


Given a little time, I am sure you will be able to deduce what life stage he is in. And if it blossoms into a deep romance....who knows.....All lasting connections start out as a chance encounter.....Nurtured by time, patience, friendship, affection, shared goals........Beautiful things can happen!

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Ditto to what romantic sweetheart said!


And also, think of it this way - all your relationships with the older men failed, didn't they? Otherwise, you wouldn't still be single. Try something different. Maybe a younger man is what you need Age is nothing but a number.

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Not that I like being the voice of negativity, but when I was 24-27 I dated a couple of older women because a) I was attracted to them b) they were fun to hang out with and c) I figured I could get laid without too much effort. I never had an intention of marrying them. Your current situation may be quite different, but in case it's not I figured I'd share my 2 cents with you.

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My husband is 11 years younger than me.


When we met I was 37 and he was 26 and got married less than a year after we met. I nearly blew him off because I thought he was too young and lived too far away. Good thing I didn't because this is far & away the healthiest, happiest & sanest relationship I'd been in. We're so similar mentally & emotionally it's scary and other than pop culture references (I'll mention a tv show or music that was popular that he doesn't remember because he's not old enough) the age difference isn't a factor.


While you may be able to pick up some clues about people based on their age, it will never tell the whole story about any one individual. My husband wasn't like the other 26 year olds I knew (mostly from work) in large part because he was raised by his grandparents -- who were the same generation as my parents -- so he was raised with similar values and ideas of behavior and so forth.


What's more important is how the two of you get along with each other and if you have simliar relationship goals. Screw what the rest of the world thinks...the rest of the world isn't living your life.


I can't imagine where I'd be now if I had blown off that arrogant 26 year old. (My first impression of my husband was, "what an arrogant little twit"...proving that first impressions aren't always accurate) Fortunately, I got myself to see past the age & geographic issues long enough to realize that I got along with the arrogant little twit amazingly well and it wasn't taking a lot of effort to interact with him.


Incidentally, prior to my husband, I'd been involved with guys right around my age or older. In fact, the last bf I had before I met my husband was 18 years older than me....and he behaved in ways that you'd expect from an immature 20-something guy.

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I get what you mean about age difference and being worried that time is of an essense in your life. I am 32 and my present boyfriend just turned 30...What's funny is that he acts younger than he is...and at times I wonder if we belong togther because of how he acts. So just because we have only a two year difference doesn't mean that he is mature...I have met younger guys who act more mature than him...so age really doesn't matter....I think however you have to evaluate your goals in life..if you want to settle down and eventually have kids then see if this person has the same goals..if he seems no where near those goals..then decide if it's worth spending your time with him.

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I should really let a woman answer this question, but I can think of two reasons that older women might be more eager than young women to have sex:


1) Older women tend to be more comfortable with sex than younger women. They've already been through it a few times.


2) Older women may be more interested in seeing the relationship move along quickly. Having sex might be perceived to be part of moving the relationship along.

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Hey good on you girl!!! lets be honest had you known he was younger than you earlier in your conversations would it have been an issue?! me thinks not!

He drove to visit you, isnt that a good indicator that he wants to spend time with you and get to know you?!

Sometimes you have to "look outside of the box" you are atracted to this guy he equally finds you attractive and has hinted that he would like to have a relationship with you.

Yeah you are in different places, so what! but the odds will only be stacked against you if you allow them to be!! OK so you usually go for older guys but it would appear that this hasnt worked out for you to date, relax and enjoy this guys company/attentions and talk about stuff concerning your hopes and fears for the future, the age gap will only be an issue if you make it one. I dated a younger guy for a while and like you I thought I wanted to get married and have babaies but that will come if its meant to, I actually ended the relationship because he may have been 5 years younger than me but at times acted like he was 110!!! I had far more life in me!! so you see appearances can be deceptive. Treat this guy as an equal and find out in time what he has to offer..


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I have never been involved in a relationship where there was a big age difference, but my brother was 22 and my now sister in law ,was 30 when they met and married a year later. They are now age 46 and 54 and still happily married. My brother was quite a bit more mature minded than some might be at 22.

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Hi. I know you wrote this about a week ago, but I recently landed smack into your boat! I am 28 and have met a sweet wonderful guy who is 21! Like you, I have always dated older guys. I feel really weird! However, I know that things havent really gone great with past relationships, so why not give this a try? I think it will depend on the maturity level. Can you guys carry on a conversation? You will find these things out....I am telling you this stuff and I am also trying to tell myself this stuff. Let's keep in touch...we can share stories! How are things going by the way?

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  • 6 years later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Another update this guy was an immature nightmare. He came to visit me in Maryland, got totally drunk, acted stupid and then accidentally took a bunch of my stuff home with me and never returned it. never trust a guy you met on a plane who asks to use your computer so he can have his mom wire him money! LOL


Wait, so you pursued him for 6 years now? This thread started 6 years ago.

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