Unusual Friendship?

[LollieSimone]

I'm confused. I've been really good friends with a guy for about a year now, best friends, we talk about everything from family to sex and masturbation, we're VERY close friends. The problem is he's very flirty, and he's very outgoing, extroverted, optomistic, etc. I'm more or an introvert, not as shy as I used to be, I flirt, but I'm not outrageous about it like he is. He's an emotionally sensitive man, and we have a TON in common. He's a wonderful guy, and we balance each other out perfectly. My problem is that I seem to have fallen for him. And it doesn't help that he does things that make me very confused. He puts his head in my lap, on my chest, puts his arm around my shoulder when we watch tv sometimes. He hugs me for long periods of time. He sits on my lap and invites me to sit on his. I guess that the confusing part about it is that he's a very touchy feely guy, and yet I still wonder. Sometimes I get the impression that he is trying to "impress" me. He says or does things that just make me think that, like showing me how to play a video game, we're both adults in college, very mature for our ages. He's tried to teach me how to waltz a few times, with no music. He likes for me to give him piggy back rides, and likes to give them to me. If I'm laying down in my bed and he comes to see me he climbs in bed with me, if I'm laying on the floor on my back he sits on my, he tickles me all the times. We joke about making out, having sex, etc. He tells me things that turn him on sexually, he's far more open about these things than I am. He talks about penis size. He compliments me all the time, he says I have a smile that could light up a room, he loves my hair, he thinks I'm hilarious, and I don't think I am. I guess I am somewhat responsible for some of the confusion I feel. But at the same time I feel like even though some of these things might be normal, I don't know if others are. Like when he rests his head on my chest, "mmmmm, boob" comes out of his mouth. Sometimes he sees a guy on tv and says, do you think he's hot? He takes me out places for dinner, and buys. People always ask him if we're dating, even his sister thought we were dating. I asked him out one time, and he declined. It was about 6 months ago, and I haven't said anything since, and he never said anything after that night. He doesn't seem to get nervous or grossed out or anything when people ask if we're dating. We've had people compliment us as a couple a several times, and neither of us corrected them, but we never talk about it. For a girl like me, 23 and never having had a boyfriend or any kind of romantic relationship, I've never even had a date, this is a very difficult thing to comprehend, it's extremely confusing. He's 19, young, I know, but a very wise, mature guy, and I don't know if he knows what he's doing or not. I'm afraid that I may have to end the friendship because I'm so confused about the whole thing, I mean he's always staring at my boobs, and stuff. Where is the line between friendship and something else? If I say something about the flirting, I'm afraid I'll hurt the friendship, but I'm also afraid I might develop a complex if I don't. We tell each other how much we love each other, and consider ourselves "soulmates", in the sense of two souls who share common and wonderful things. I would be okay with being just friends if I knew there was an actual line though.....

[hosswhispra]

I could be so wrong on this but.....Is it possible he could be gay (and confused)?

[LollieSimone]

He says he's not, he seems very attracted to girls, and tells me he is. He "experimented" as a teenager, but he's told me he likes girls a lot. He has a lot of girls who are friends, and a few guy friends, he's a theater person like me and a very dramatic person as well. So people sometimes think he's gay. But....I dunno....

[hosswhispra]

What type of "experimentation"? I know someone like your friend, myself....and I have gotten the "feeling" (women's intuition) that something is different. It's definitely an entaglement--because you get emotional feelings for someone that won't feel the same way for you. Again, I could be way off in my assumptions--but something does not seem to jive quite right....What is your gut saying to you?

[LollieSimone]

One summer he and a guy friend who was his age had sex a few times. My gut...I don't even know what to think. I'm afraid of the answer, but I don't know the answer. I imagine he likes me on some level, but on another I think I am overreacting. And then on another completely different level I think it's possible he could be gay. I love him dearly, both as a friend and as a potential ...something...boyfriend, lover...whatever. But for someone like me, it's difficult to judge having not had experience with guys at all, on any level of the romantic kind. We're talking about moving in together when we go to a university next year. And I don't know if I can handle that with things in this sort of mess.

[pizzachick13]

It might be an idea to start bringing up your relationship in your conversations. Hell, even go as far as to ask him how he'd classify it. I would also say that he's gay by some of the things you have described but then again, he likes your boobs so that kinda puts him in the hetero region of the spectrum.

 

But yeah, just talk to him and voice your concerns. You never know what his reply may be.

[LollieSimone]

I've thought about that, but then I don't know how to word the question....silly, eh? He loves women, he's a total mama's boy though, but he's dated girls before, he's been in love with girls before, he's told me about some of them. I mean...he maybe bi...but I don't think he's gay....

[hosswhispra]

I really, truly understand....trust your gut on this one (the answer usually is from within). I know it's hard and emotionally upsetting as you have romantic feelings for him. Based on what you've stated in your post, I would say he is gay. He may be struggling with admitting it to himself--hence the confusion.

 

hosswhispra

[LollieSimone]

It is very hard emotionally to even try and assume that he's gay. I don't know for sure. I like to believe that if he were struggling with that, that he'd at least talk to me about it. We talk about everything, seriously. And this is one of those things I think he would tell me about. Maybe I'm wrong. Then again, maybe I'm just wanting to see things that say he likes me in a romantic way. I dunno....I'll probably sit down and talk with him though.

[unicornq]

Lollie, from what you've described between you and your friend, I have a feeling that this close friendship is going to a direction beyond close friends but not yet reaching a romantic one. The confusion is certainly imposing extra stress on you.

 

Do talk to him and sort out the relationship between you two. You may risk losing the special friendship. But to be honest, this relationship is becoming emotionally draining for you, it's really time to sort things out. It's very unhealthy to be torn between the feelings of close friendship and possible romantic relationship. Do not let yourself stay in this grey area and let yourself feel miserable. Talk, and then either draw the line (be just friends) or take the relationship to a higher level with mutual commitment.

 

Good luck.

[LollieSimone]

I guess I've known all along that I needed to do that. It's just that the thought of possibly losing him hurts so very much. He's saved my life. He's such an incredible person. I just don't know how to approach this. Do I just say it....or what do I do?