Help me be patient....

[romanticlover]

Hello, I have made a few posts in other topics and I thought I'd post here.

I was dealing with some jealousy/insecurity issues not too long ago and I have been working on them best I can. I tend to require a lot of emotional/sexual attention as I give a lot myself and I tend to expect that back from my girlfriend and since she is not like that, she gets very upset and feels I expect more all the time and it makes her feel she can't make me happy. I tell her time and time again how much I love her, how she makes me happy, but she feels I still complain and want more. Anyways, she told me to chill more and just go with the flow like her. We are 2 totally different people and opposites in a relationship, but I have been trying to chill out a bit and just go with the flow. It doesn't always feel like I am being myself, but I am also understanding where she is coming from. Much if it stems from my issues at times. Only thing is that most girls I have been with, were more like me but I always loose attraction for them. One thing that made me very upset is that my girlfriend said she doesn't need all the attention, romance, etc etc I give her. She said every so often is nice, but not required. Then she mentioned how all of her ex's were nice to here and how she never dated a scumbag. Well I took that personally and felt that what is the point if she will just be happy with any average guy being I am so much more than that. I always go out of my way to be sweet, romantic, loving etc more than the average guy. I hear more women complain that their men aren't like that at all. Well I felt really upset knowing she could be happy with just any guy and that what I do is a waste to me. Kinda like if she can be happy with someone less than me makes me feel not special at all. Really bugs me. Feel like telling her to just go back with an ex or find someone less than me. See now I require more from her and that's where it becomes an issue. What to do?

The main point of this post is where to go from here. We have been not having sex lately because she says I have made her feel like she can't please me, etc etc and she isn't good enough. She told me it has been eating away from her where she has lost a lot of her sex drive. I have felt the same way also just because she isn't having sex with me. I am a sexual guy and it really sucks. She told me she wants to build her feelings, desires towards me back up and just wants to hang out, me to chill a bit and just go with the flow and not pressure her. Sometimes I'm starting to feel like her friend more than a boyfriend. No lust, passion, etc etc. I mean we will kiss a little, hug, say I love you, but she keeps saying she needs to rebuild her feelings. I am trying to be patient but at times I feel I am going to loose my sex drive and attraction for her all together. I can masterbate, but I want to enjoy it with her. This bug could go for another month and how can I handle this? Is this going to get worse even if I go with her flo? Please help. Thanks

[So_lost]

Sounds like a tough situation.

 

Here is what I suggest...

 

She says the she need to "re-build" her feelings for you?... Where did they go? It sounds to me that you are the romantic type which is good... How long have you been dating?... If it is for a long time then start to do things that you did when you first started dating.

 

You know where you would do things to make her fall madly in love with you?... It sounds like you two are "starting over"... If you truly love her and she loves you back... Take the initiative and show her how much you do love her. If she says she doesn't want sex... just be patient... relationships aren't all about sex...

 

Just pretend it's like when you first started dating...

 

Hope this helps!

[romanticlover]

We haev been serious for 3 months now. We used to be a couple for like a year about 3 years ago. She was more into me in the start when I acted more laid back and not so attached. I easily get attatched and when I do, I get kinda clingy and tend to give too much and shower someone with affection and attention. I'm sure they are women that would love a guy like me cause many aren't that way, but in her case it smothers her. She tends to get upset if I get upset if we aren't intimate and it goes back to the whole issue from the start. I just feel like I am waiting for something to happen instead of it being natural. Every since we had that talk a week or so ago, its' been eating away inside and the feelings I have are hurtful. I am trying to be patient but it really hurts inside. She seems to live her life and I come second. I need to start doing that more I guess. Just at times I put my love first over myself. I really care about her, but it seems like it's soo much effort for her to give more and so much for me to hold back. Why is that?

[cb2000]

Stop being so needy and clingy. Focus on the things that you have going on in your life. She has lost attraction to you because your trying so hard. You're upset because you do all this nice stuff and it doesn't get you laid. She's withholding from you this has hurt you made you doubt yourself and is making you less attractive in her eyes a vicsious circle. Someone has to break the chain and since it is you that is posting here I am going to guess it is you. Take up a new hobby or sport learn something new. Become less available fill your life with good things new music, art, ideas, people and spend lots of time with your friends.

[romanticlover]

funny thing is....I have many more hobbies than she does. I feel like telling her we need to see eachother less. I love ehr so much and it seems this is more of an issue to me than her. Yes I am the one posting here cause it seems I am the one making all of the efforts to make things work. She is a go with the flow type as I am not. She must be more confident in herself cause she has been doing things for herself I have been noticing. She mentions things she wants to do like gym, dancing, etc... Trust me, I have a million hobbies. Just my heart takes over at times and it's hard t focus on anything else.

[cb2000]

I looked back at your earlier posts and it seems like you've been given some really good replies to deal with you situation. To me it sounds like you need to do alot of work on yourself right now forget about the relationship.

[romanticlover]

Hard to when feelings are involved. I get this empty burning feeling in my stomach. You know that heart broken upset feeling alot. Sometimes I just feel I need to take some time alone.