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I kinda sorta cheated too, I am not totally sure...


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So it is my first year in college and I am living a freshman life in the dorms. I was hanging out with some of my new friends, guys and girls, in a room and I had just drank a lot of vodka. I have a very devoted and loving girlfriend who I also love so much but she lives 400 miles away and I am waiting for her to get out of high school so we can go to school together. I care so much about this girl and I would never cheat on her on purpose. So i was showing my friends a website with all my pictures of my girlfriend and me and I told them i loved her a lot. After that i got up and there was a girl in a chair accross from me and I dont remember kissing her or doing anything at all, there was people all around so the most that could have happened was a kiss. But i dont remember even getting close to her but i do remember thinking that my girlfriend would not be happy about this, as if i did cheated. The next day i woke up and it was the first thing i thought of, so i thought it might have been a dream but i do not know for sure. All my guy friends said they never saw anything happen and they were there, but drunk too so i am not sure. It has been probably three months since this has happened and I dont know if i should tell my gf or ask the other girl, because i never talked to her about it. As far as a i know right now, nothing happened, but i feel guilty keeping it from my gf because i dont know if it happened for sure, and even if nothing did happen what should i tell my gf, even if i tell her anything at all?



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First off, if you are blacking out when drinking...curtail your drinking. Being drunk is no excuse for cheating, if you did.


Now, it sounds like you didn't, if no one recalls, and no one has said anything about it. If you were that drunk your brain may be playing it's own tricks on you. Of course it is possible you did.


However, because you have no idea, I would really just not tell her if you don't even know, all it would do at this point is ease your own possible guilt, and have her thinking she was cheated on when she may not have been. That could mess her up for a long time.


I would suggest again, you curtail and limit your drinking though if you are at the point you cannot even remember things. It's not worth it, especially if you were to cheat, as being drunk is no excuse. You chose to drink knowing you would get out of hand, and that to me is a tacit choice.

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Ditto to what RayKay said. you had WWAAAYYY too much to drink, if you were blacking out like that.


Also, it's hard to tell what was reality and what was a drunken dream because of how much you drank. If your friends didn't see anything, then chances are that nothing happened. There's no point in telling your gf about something that you probably didn't do.


Watch the drinking!

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definitely agree with everyone else. Don't drink so much anymore. I'm hardly one to talk, I used to drink to blackouts all the time, but not anymore. Woke up in too many places where I had no idea where I was.


As for your girlfriend, you don't know, your friends didn't see anything, nothing probably happened. I wouldn't tell her.


You sound like a really nice guy for wanting to be truthful about something you weren't even sure about despite the concequences, just watch the drinking from now on.

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Well we have been together for almost a year and a half now and she is like my best friend. I tell her everything and i love to be completely honest with her. So if i find out nothing really did happen, then i still might feel guilty not telling her about that. So i dont know.


Plus her really good girlfriend just found out she was cheated on by her long time boyfriend who just went to college too, so she seems like she doesnt fully trust me. And i didnt really black out, i remember the events in order but i might have closed my eyes and missed some of it. It all happened really fast and i am pretty sure i never blacked out.


But i guess i can only be sure by asking the girl. I am a little nervous about doing that though too, i dont even know how i would go about doing that. I probably am just worrying too much, but the guilt is getting to me and i dont think i have even done anything.



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Black outs are not the same as passing out, it is not remembering or knowing what happened...which is your case it would seem.


The thing is, you are wanting to tell your gf out of guilt, and if nothing happened, it would "ease" your guilt but would crush her, and hurt her in more ways then you may even be able to imagine right now. If you HAD done something for sure then yes she has right to know, but telling her you may have but don't know, and didn't....not worth it.


And if she can't trust you because of what OTHERS do, then you two need to work on that together. That is not really fair.

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So i should probably just ask the girl and if nothing happened, drop it and forget it, but if something did happen, then just be a man and tell my gf, right? I know i couldnt keep it from her and hopefully we could work it out, because in dealing with the time frame, it was only about 2 minutes, so the most that could have happened was a kiss, and the least would be nothing. The only way to know is to ask i guess.



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I don't think that's a great idea. How do you know that this girl will be honest with you. She probably had a lot to drink also.


I think with your internal "moral compass", I highly doubt that anything happened with you and the girl.


Really, stop freaking out about the supposed kiss and worry more about your drinking.

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Agree on the drinking.


As for if you cheated - you can think about it like this:


1) If your girlfriend would not be happy about it, it's probably not a good idea;


2) If YOU have weird feelings about it, that's probably a good indication that it isn;t something you should be doing.


3) If it were your girlfriend doing it, instead of you, would you be ok with it?



4) The fact that you are even having to ask should be a good indicator. You know what's right and what's wrong.

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