Ex is in love

[Lostmylove05]

Hi there, I'm new here..my first post. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for nearly 6 years. Started out long-distance then I moved to live with him. He dumped me the last week of March 05 and I'm not even close to being over him. We deeply loved each other and had a very strong bond/connection.

So after he dumped me, within 4 months he began seeing someone else and now 9 months later, he loves this girl. We haven't seen each other much since breaking up. I want him back and he was giving me the cold shoulder/no contact. I emailed, called, left messages and the few times we did see each other (I "accidently" ran into him) it was amazing. He has admitted he still and always will love me. But that there's no chance at all of us getting back together. He has quit his job in Chicago which means he's moving and he won't tell me where to. I think I know but he won't give me anyway to contact him in the future. (His cell is company issued and he'll be giving it back) I can email but he doesn't respond.

Anyways, the girl he's seeing lived in Chicago and moved to Canada many months back and I guess they've spent time together here and there and probably spent alot of time on the phone....exactly as we did in the beginning of our long-distance relationship. I just don't understand how after spending that much time together and truly loving one another can you supposedly heal and be in love sooooo soon? I'm really torn up over all of this, suicidal alot of the time, and crying and lonely constantly. I'm 36 and have the wrinkles under my eyes of a 70 year old woman. So sad 'cause I'm kinda pretty..whatever that's weird to say but I'm just saying that I can't let go of him, I don't want to let go and I'm in such a deep depression. I don't really want to move on, I want him back. How though can all of this be? I don't understand the timing? Does this mean I really didn't mean anything to him? That's hard for me to believe. Does it mean he's replacing me? Please help out fellow ex's, I really need help in this.

 

Thanks so very much

shell

[DN]

Hi, shell

 

Welcome to eNotalone. You have come to the right place.

 

I don't think you meant nothing to him, it is just that you are on a different time-scale than he is. He was probably moving out of the relationship in his mind and heart for some time before he left you. The actual leaving was an end for him not a beginning.

 

He's not replacing you as such. He has found someone that he thinks he loves and he probably does. This does not mean you are unlovable - it means that, for him, the chemistry wasn't right, or at least not right enough to sustain the relationship.

 

If you want to talk some more to someone you can send me a private message, or there will be other people who will make the same offer, I am sure. But I am concerned about your depression and suicidal thoughts. Have you sought counselling? - if not, I urge you to do so.

[melrich]

Hi Shell,

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. Yes it is hard when a longterm relationship ends and one person moves on to another so quickly.

 

But i would not read into that that it means his love for you or relationship with you was anything lesser for it. More likely he is the sort of guy who needs to be in a relationship, doesn't function well as a single person.

 

You have to find a way to move on from this relationship. His moving away I think is a good thing, it removes temptation and it gives you space to live without reminders.

 

Somehow now you have to find the motivation to get your life going again. Maybe force yourself out of your comfort zone and into a place where you are exposed to new experiences and new people.

[ocrob]

Hi Shell,

 

You are going through what most of us have gone through or are going through. I am sure your ex loved you very much and still loves you. But, he is not in love with you anymore. I went out with my ex for four years and even after the break up she would say she loved me. The problem is that she is no longer in love with me. As hard as it is, you have to move on. I went through a year of hope and it was horrible. You just have to decide that it is over and start healing. Stop contacting him completely and you will see that you will get stronger. I know it is hard, but you have to do it. Start meeting new guys or new friends and living your life. Everyday that you can go with out contacting him you will feel stronger. I still miss my ex, but the deep depression is mostly gone. I am having a great time and meeting a lot of new people. You have to face the fact that he is not coming back. Even if he were to do so, it would be after you let go. I stayed friend with my ex while she was engaged and when they broke it off, she and I tried again and she just did not have the feelings anymore. You can't make someone have romantic feelings for you. It is time to start respecting yourself and go NC. As time goes by you will feel better, but not until you let go and go NC. I guarantee that most people will tell you the same thing. Just use this site to vent and don't contact the ex. Good luck!

[WildChild]

Hi and welcome.

 

Well, as a fellow ex I can totally empathize with you. It is so hard to understand let alone accept. However, acceptance will never come if you don't allow it to. I became so depressed I never thought I would see tomorrow. But I realized that I could not let what happened take over my life, and it was. I had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out the whats, whys and whens. Don't convince yourself that you never meant anything to him, he will as he said always love you. However because he is dating someone else I am certain because of the awkwardness it causes is why he has chosen to not respond. Only you can get yourself over this. I would highly suggest entering into counseling to help you through your depression. Think positive things about yourself. Find yourself again. Remember, you were you way before you ever knew him.

[RayKay]

I don't want to let go and I'm in such a deep depression. I don't really want to move on, I want him back

 

Hey sweetie,

 

I am sorry you are feeling so rough, but those lines above are exactly why you are still feeling so stuck.

 

You are not going to feel better, when you are not making the choice to move on and heal.

 

I know how you feel, it's not easy, but there is more out there for you, if you choose to live your life and not wait for something that is really not going to happen. You were fine before him, you will be fine after him. Your 36 years on earth so far were not just to be with him.

 

I am sure he loved you a lot at one time, but for some reason his feelings changed, he could not do it anymore, and he chose to move on. Likely he had decided to end things before he actually did, so moved on faster then you, but it does not mean he never loved you.

 

It also does not mean you are unlovable or shall not be loved. First, you have to work on loving yourself. Then, you will see that you can and should be loved again, and you deserve it.

 

I would also suggest counselling at this point, since a lot of time has passed and you still seem stuck in a rut, therapy and even if necessary some medications may help you see there is light at the end of the tunnel.