Can this work? I need some female advice too...

[NPSoccer5]

A little background on my relationship. This girl has had only 1 serious relationship for 3 years before me. We became friends while she was with him and during that time she realized she didn't love him and broke up with him to be with me. The problem is that we rushed into a serious relationship from just being good friends as opposed to taking it step by step and gradually.

 

Now we have been in this relationship for 10 months now, and my girlfriend has told me that her feelings aren't there anymore. She says she loves me but is not in love with me. We initially broke up, but after talking we realized some things. We realized we still cared a lot about each other and that we still had affection towards each other, but she still thinks not love. So instead of breaking things off completely, we decided to take a break, without really any real contact for a couple weeks or so, and after that, if the affection was still there we'd try again, but this time we'll take it slow.

 

Is there any chance that this relationship could work? Does the fact that we are close friends help the situation? Or is it doomed because we already did the serious relationship and it didn't work?

 

I'm hoping that we just weren't ready, and we ran before we even crawled. I was just wondering what people thought about this.

 

Thanks.

[hk87]

When you get back together, take your time. Pretend you've only just met. Go on dates (nothing too serious), spend a few days apart each time. Get to know each other again, like you were dating the first time.

 

Hk87

[ratherbesailing]

NP -

 

I don't think it is hopeless but it doesn't sound like there is a lot that you can do to control how this works out. I think you are doing the right thing by taking the break. I'd play a little hard to get at this point and let her know that unless she's sure that she wants the relationship to continue that you aren't interested in keeping things going. Let her know that you want and deserve someone who does love you. Give her the space to make up her own mind and don't play easy, make her work a bit if she wants you back. People are funny, they often what things more because they are worried they can't have them.

 

My guess is that's she's either confused (not ready for the serious relationship) or that she is interested in someone else and just doesn't know how to tell you that. Either way, if you back off, she's going to find out how she feels pretty quickly. If she feels like you'll hang there forever waiting, she may waffle forever and keep you hanging.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head though when you say you guys jumped in too quick. If she was just getting out of a three year relationship, she should have taken some down time before getting serious with you. I think this has more to do with what's going on than the fact that you guys were friends first.

 

Good luck but don't get your hopes up. If she doesn't have the feeling you can't do anything about it.