doesnt care or respecting my wishes?

[locolady]

Hi, just wondered if anyone could give me an opinion if theyve been in the position my ex is in now (men particularly please - i just cant understand you sometime! )

 

We were together for 4 years and broke up recently - it was not particularly friendly as he kissed someone else (drunk - a one off and he's not speaking to her anymore) and i felt i had no choice but to end the relationship as we've had jealousy issues in the past anyway. Initially he broke down, cried and appeared to be gutted he'd thrown us away. We sort of tried being back together but kept arguing about it as i felt so betrayed. Now however i want him back and he says its not what he wants because it could never work after what he did. He's playing the its not you, its me card by saying he doesnt deserve me. This makes me feel like a pathetic fool for being willing to take him back and i feel even worse than ever.

 

So, ive asked him not to contact me anymore as 3 months on im still crying all the time, feeling so desolate. I did honestly feel i had to do that - however now i admit that in the back of my mind i was hoping that he'd put up a fight for me rather than see me disappear from his life totally. I havent heard a thing since.

 

Do you think he's trying to respect my wishes or just doesnt care?? Any ideas welcome!

[Boricua7]

I think he's respecting your wishes. He obviously cares about you but he is not going to do anything to push you further away from him than you are now. Smart, if you ask me. You are the one who is going to have to initiate contact if you want to have him back in your life again (even if it's just as friends) since you are the one who decided to start NC in the first place.

[novaseeker]

I mean, if you told him not to contact you and then you are upset that he doesn't ... is a bit much.

 

It's understandable, but it's likely he is respecting your wishes. I would suggest that if you want contact with him, you will have to initiate it.

[NR498E]

Novaseeker is exactly right.

 

Id bet if you work on him a little you can get him back.Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves a second chance.Im sure he feels pretty crapy about this whole thing as well.

[metro23]

In my case I was told not to call again, it's not that I don't care, it's about respecting her wishes and avoiding a court proceding for harassment if she in fact was not playing games. I have too much to lose to not take what was said at face value. It's just me but she would have to call me.

[Boricua7]

Don't say "no" when you really mean "yes". Guys don't get the "if I walk away it's because I want you to come after me" thing. They think you're walking away because you're mad. Don't do this because the next time you say "no" and you really mean it he will wonder if you really mean "yes" and do the wrong thing. You don't want that.

[friscodj]

Don't say "no" when you really mean "yes". Guys don't get the "if I walk away it's because I want you to come after me" thing. They think you're walking away because you're mad. Don't do this because the next time you say "no" and you really mean it he will wonder if you really mean "yes" and do the wrong thing. You don't want that.

 

EXACTLY! Why can't all women understand this?!?!?!?!?!?!

[Boricua7]

I don't know. It takes a couple of crappy moments to figure it out.

[locolady]

Thanks for advice - youre all right and i was aware of this! At the time though i genuinely meant i needed to be left alone because the end of the relationship was killing me - i guess its just that NC is so darn hard that i cant help wishing he'd show some passion and break it! I know i'm being unfair so thanks for reminding me of the dangers of saying no and meaning yes! I'm slowly beginning to feel better and am hoping to be ready to make friends with him soon. Cheers x