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I said the hardest words...Goodbye

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Hello All,


I have been posting lately so you may have read some of them. The last one was I thought my friend had "broken up" with me. I did hear from him and he said we were fine but if I wanted more than a friendship perhaps I need to think twice about staying in the relationship.


I have tried for a good few days to get a hold of him asking if he would please answer my calls or at least call me back. I never succeeded on either front. I had something to tell him and that was goodbye. I think that is the hardest word in the human language. Goodbye it hurts, it's lonely, it's sad, it's just not my favorite word.


I am one who never lets go. I hang on until the very very end. Even if everyone has left the building so to speak I am still there waiting hoping they come back. This was the first time I made the hard choice of leaving. I am heartbroken, I am sad, I am pissed that I even told him my feelings. Everything was so good before I opened my stupid mouth. We had plans to travel in the Fall, he was considering another trip out to where I live, I wanted to go visit him in his hometown. All of this is gone and I feel so sad. I have cried for the past month because I miss him, I wanted him to want me, and I just wanted to be with him.


I wish he would have given me the choice to be able to speak to him personally. I would have told him so many things I appreciated about him and our friendship. All of the experiences we had, the jokes, the songs (I will never listen to John Mayer the same way I may have to retire him for awhile), his trip out here, just his being here in my life. Now he's gone and I hate it.


He is the type of person who will probably never look back. That is what also makes it so tough. I want to know he is still close by in case I ever need a friend to turn to in the future. He became very important to me and to just let it fade away hurts.


Why doesn't anything work for me? I am tired of losing everytime. I just want to win just once. I wanted to hear his voice and I wanted to hear him say goodbye to me, wanted to just talk one last time. Wish him well and I am sorry I am just rambling now.


ARG I will miss you like no one knows. My heart is pained by this and I want you to know I love you and so appreciate that I met you and we had our time together.

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Hey Elektra,


Big hugs sweetie, I know this was not something you wanted to do but you felt left with little other choice but to move on and heal those unrequited feelings.


And it sounds like it may have been the best thing, if he was not even willing to talk to you and answer your calls or requests to speak.


I am sorry honey, I know it was very hard for you to do...but I know you will be okay and you will heal. And I promise too....you will "win" in the end. Sometimes the road is pretty twisting, but in the end, the destination is sweet reward.


Take care of yourself,



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