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don;t date till ya 30's parents mentaility


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has anyone ever had v ery very strict parents-they think at the age of 24 25 that dating is still too young and that u should focus on ur studies in college. what did u do, and did u follow or did u just do it behind their back-what did u tell the girl u were dating-did u keep her for long , made up stories like ya i can;t go b/c i have to work .....etc

girls these days are dating like in HS which i was so supirsed , oh ya a 18 yr old girl i knew in one of my classes has a bf- oh and i was told by my mom that 25 is too young imagine that girl 18 yea and bf- it thought she was too young.

parents think and believe that u should date when ur financially secure with a good well paying job-and date when ur in ur 30's, i mean how many guys are like that nowadays. as for me 25 with hardly any dating expereince how am i suppose to tell my furture date or gf about this-do i lie or what-even if i tell the truth how many gals would believe this story.

parents are very tradiional chinese folks-don;t believe in mix marriages and dating out. what do u do. i don;t want to hurt and break up with a girl and tell her -yea folks are soooo strict they don;t let me date-they think its a waste of time and that i should jsut study-btw i suck at school-never really did any good from elementary school to now-was just a avg student - wasn't b/c i was a slacker-just suck at school

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Yup. Right here.


It's pretty ridiculous. I moved out of the house at 18, and decided I was going to just be an adult and do what I wanted to and accept the consequences. If you're a grown adult, you should take control of your own life and not let your parents treat you like a kid anymore.

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There comes a time in your life when you have to live for yourself and not for your parents.


I'd say that by age 25- it's already long overdue. IT's time to be your own person.


However there are cultural issues at play here too, so it's hard. I'm speaking from a western-individualist standpoint-which revloves around autonomy, romance, and "love"..... whereas Chinese culture is more of a collectivist culture which places great value on respect for teachers and elders. So it's likely that if your parents are traditional Chinese parents- they don't want to hear it.


The key is to find a BALANCE between these 2 worlds. For instance, try your best in academically but also make time for love in your life- if that's what YOU want.


No matter what culture you come from- one way to minimize a parents influence over you is to stop being dependant on them. If they have money and are paying for you- they are more in control. That means to be free you must pay your own tuition- move out- or do whatever you need to do to be an independent person.


Even if your actions differ from what your parents want- you should still never stop showing them that you love/care for them, in ways they can appreciate. You can show them that you still embrace your heritage in other ways- while also keeping up with the modern world you live in.


So you're in your twenties and you want to date- go for it!




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Sure you want to make your parents happy but at some point you have to start thinking about what you want from life. You are old enough to start making your own decisions about your future. Your parents may very well have the best of intentions for you but as well meaning as parents can be, it doesn't mean they are right.


My advice is to do what feels right for you.

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My dad used to always say "you can't date until you're married" which I always found to be ridiculous. My mom allowed me to date as soon as I turned 16 (which I found reasonable since dating in middle school is never worth it anyway) but my father never knew since we always went out with a group of people. My father knows now that I date because I dated (past tense) this guy my senior year in high school for a year and a half and did not care if my dad found out because I love (notice how this isn't past tense) him. Anyway, I never followed. I was never given a good reason not to date. I knew my dad was just trying to control me and I didn't let him. Dating is not like it used to be. Before you would "court" someone because you had intentions of marrying the person. It's not that way anymore so dating is acceptable among younger people because you are no longer committing to marriage, you are just committing to eachother.

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